disobedient child

[Teletubby]

My dd1 is just over 2 years and seems to say no to absolutely everything i say. I ask her again and again to put things back or leave things alone and explain why but she still just says 'no'. She has regular tantrums if i take things away from her and is always asking for blasted biscuits!! I never give in and am always firm so why is she so disobedient? I don't shout at her as i choose to explain things in simplistic terms but once she knows she can't have what she wants she goes berserk! Advice please

Yep, that's what they do! Teletubby, please don't think that you have bred an unaturally disobedient child! I am sure that some more eloquent MN-er will be able to explain the psychology of it better than I, but IME this really is the moment for distraction, and real mental gymnastics on your part so that you never (or as rarely as possible)put her in the position of saying 'no'. She will learn more by habit and pro-actively doing the things that in your grown-up world are 'good' than by doing what you say. She is discovering that she CAN say 'no', and like all new skills it's exciting, and like climbing, it's exciting to test it to further and further limits.

Find tempting ways to tidy and let her curiosity led her to join you, anticipate the biscuits moment and offer a proactive choice (can YOU peel a banana, oooh look, it's like you taking your JimJams off...)....

Good luck!

another one here mine had his 2 year check last week and explained to my hv how naughty he was. Her reply 'he's completely normal!' she gave me a little book to look through on her to deal with them.

Woohooooo my ds is normal then! Phew!

say no back and see if she says yes!

change the subject _ i find talking about xmas or birthdays works

I also say" I am not talking abou this anymore" and stick to it.

Agree absolutely with Blu. Distract. I really think you are wasting your breath with elaborate explanations and merely making the situation more stressful for yourself. If ds asks for bikbiks or dopdop bikbiks (chocolate biscuits), I either give him one or if there is a reason why I don't want to, I try to change the subject or offer an alternative. I either say no, you can't have a biscuit but look! A lovely XXX! Or I change the subject and say, let's read this book, or can you copy mummy or 'later, we'll go to the park' or whatever. If it doesn't work and she gets upset, well, I suppose that's life. I would reduce the number of times you tell her what to do to an absolute minimum too. Ie if it's not really doing any harm, then let her do it. Or just take away a fragile object and show her something else to play with. It's funny, but my ds rarely does what I say, but I don't think of him as disobedient, just normal.