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my m.i.l is a control freak and it is getting me down

12 replies

overdraft · 18/01/2006 10:35

what is it with m.i.l s

My one never likes it if i get anything new.She sulks or shows no intereset at all. I feel like she thinks i am spending her sons well earned money and i don't have the right to.She spends her husbands and dosen't work. I am bringing up our three small children.

She will only have our children on her terms and will never bring them back when i want them.She undermines me in front of the children with things like "didn't your mother dress you properly today then" and so on.

My dh had an affair last year and he went to live at hers while we were apart. He came to see me every day and she tryed to stop him.She told him grandparents had rights and that she would use them (whatever that is supposed to mean).She now rings dh up at work and asks him how I am treating him .

We had counciling and the reason he had an affair other than being a bastard was the way he had seen his parents relate to one another.She says what goes and he is under the thumb.They are like the T.V program with mrs Bucket.Because he couldn't rebel against her he done it with in our relationship which is very sad.

We are working on our realationship all the time.Although I wouldn't of chosen for dh to have an short affair It has strenghtened us 100%. 8 months on he is an equal partner and is no longer afaid to share his point of veiw.He is a better father and a very loving husband and is now as i have always wanted him to be.

Now m.i.l won't forget it and she is taking it out on us. If this was my son i would have not taken sides but supported my d.i.l why it was going on. I would now be celeberating the fact that my son had turned into a responsible adult at last and has grown as a person.I would be celebrating that he has not ost his wife and children after this dreadful mistake.

She (as our only babysitter) has said she will not come to our house anymore and when i go around there she can hardly say hello to me and acts force.She didn't even come and see my son on his birhtday

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Aloha · 18/01/2006 10:54

Sounds simple to me. When he had an affair nd went to live with her she thought all her Christmasses had come at once. She'd got her little boy back and was once again no1 woman in his life. Then he went back to you and so she 'lost' and has been relegated. She has clearly never stopped thinking of him as her little boy and bitterly resents any other woman in his life. It's not personal. She'd be like that with any woman. Of course she's not celebrating her son being a responsible adult and having his family back - she wants him! She is pathetic, frankly. She's sulking and pouting and bitter. Thank God you aren't like her and that your dh has managed to overcome his unbringing.

overdraft · 18/01/2006 13:04

if that is the case what can i do to make it better.Any suggestions? she is a cold fish

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WigWamBam · 18/01/2006 13:09

Overdraft, does your MIL actually know why you split up? It sounds to me as if she thinks that you were to blame for the separation rather than your dh, and I wonder if your dh has been honest with her about his affair.

Aloha · 18/01/2006 13:16

Ha! Just seen my typo...I meant to say 'upbringing' but maybe UNbringing is actually more appropriate!

Yes, does she know he had an affair or does she think you did something awful?

overdraft · 18/01/2006 19:53

she knows about the affair yes.I can't belive she is being like this with me now though

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NotQuiteCockney · 18/01/2006 19:55

Do you have any other babysitting options? I would find some. And get away from your MIL. She sounds dreadful. Does your DH like her?

overdraft · 18/01/2006 20:05

he loves her she is his mother of course.He can now see how she has controled him for most off his life and is not her best fan.
He will always take my side if we were to fall out.Trouble is i don't want him to choose i would love to have a m.i.l i could love and get on with. Her underhand comments have plaged me for years and dh has only just now begun to notice it.
I am the best mother I can be,i love my family,I don't go clubbing or sleeping with other men,i cook and clean,We have a great sex life (not that she needs to know that).I am a mother of two sons and i wouldn't ask for more for my sons.He is the one that has been a shit husband for all the years behind us and yet she is nasty to me

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NotQuiteCockney · 18/01/2006 20:07

It just doesn't work that way, though. People aren't logical about these things. It sounds like she would have hated anyone who married her DS.

I would try to reduce your contact with her, and your dependency on her. The more unpleasant she is, the less you bother seeing her. You can't change what sort of person she is, but you can change how often you see her.

WestCountryLass · 18/01/2006 20:39

What a bitch!

overdraft · 19/01/2006 16:32

It does make me sad that to love me he has to loose his mum really.I just i learn from it and am a good mother in law to my own boys wifes.

Alot of my friends don't go much on there m.i.l me neither.Never the less up until 2 weeks ago we had there only grandchildren so i made an effort to invite her to school plays ,sports day,fetes e.tc. The reason for this was her own daughter didn't have children and i thought about how i would feel in her shoes .

I feel she has just taken me for granted. She has a sister and friends who's daughter in laws never include them and just include there own mothers. Knowing all that she still hasn't treated me right.

I feel really upset

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NotQuiteCockney · 19/01/2006 19:15

overdraft, I'm sure that it really isn't about you - in order to love anyone as a wife, he'd have to lose his mum, or at least set some boundaries and keep some distance.

It is still unfortunate, though, I agree.

Aloha · 19/01/2006 19:18

it isn't about you though overdraft. don't take it personally. she just can't stand sharing him with another woman. you can't change the way she behaves, only how you react to her.

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