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Original poster

PIL want to have DS to stay for the night.

17 replies

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 17:21

And I won't let him go.

He's nearly 3, but has multiple allergies. I have never survived a Sunday tea there without having to remove some unsuitable food from his plate, or ask to read labels, which MIL claims she has read but has failed to notice the peanut warning.

3 times after going for tea and being quizzed about every ingredient in her homemade stuff we have ended up at A&E that night, so I conclude that she lied (for instance said butter, but actually had used marg. which has food colouring in it). And this is with me supervising.

He also is allergic to dustmite and their beds are 40 years old.

So frankly to me it's not worth the risk.

But my parents have taken Bob away for the night (wanted to take him to see some penguins, but you had to be there late at night) and have looked after him for one night when Dh and I went away for our 10th anniversary. They are going to look after him (at our home) whilst dh and I go to Melbourne in the winter.

I don't have to be fair with Grandparents do I?

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FrannytheQuinoaEater · 17/01/2006 17:23

You can't risk it bobbybob. It will seem unfair to them perhaps but you simply cannot take chances with his health. I am so sorry they have put you in this situation...it makes me so cross when I hear stories of people not taking allergies seriously, but for the grandparents to be so careless, is a shocker.

WideWebWitch · 17/01/2006 17:25

No, you don't. IIRC they are unsuitable in many ways (haven't there been other threads?), you can't risk it imo, I wouldn't.

starlover · 17/01/2006 17:25

no you don't have to be fair! if they can't look after him properly, which it sounds like they can't then they don't deserve to have him overnight!
if they ask why then tell them! this isn't just you being fussy or overprotective... it's your little boys LIFE!

btw... was it the fairy penguins he saw? i saw them on philip island when i was down there.. they're so fab!

mummytosteven · 17/01/2006 17:26

It's more important that you're fair to Bob than his grandparents! As Franny says, you really can't risk it.

Original poster

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 17:27

They always have some excuse like "oh, I didn't have my reading glasses with me" or "he's eaten that before".

Admittedly most of the mistakes have been made by me (but then I'm with him 90% of the time)- but as a % of time spent with ds their mistakes are too many.

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Original poster

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 17:28

starlover - it was the little blue penguins in Oamaru. Those sort of wonderful experiences are worth taking a little more risk on IME.

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expatinscotland · 17/01/2006 17:29

So in order to be fair it means your son has to pay for it w/his health? After FIL came round here twice w/a terrible cold - we had a 3 week old baby at the time - and gave it to DD1, who wound up w/a chest infection she just recovered from, I'm done 'being fair' when it comes to my kids and their health.

It'd be one thing if it were me, I'm an adult and can look after myself, but kids need you to do that for them. And it sounds like they're not capable of it. So I wouldn't feel badly telling them thanks but no thanks.

starlover · 17/01/2006 17:32

penguins rock!

sorry, but nto having your reading glasses is NO excuse! oh i can't be bothered to get my glasses, well lets jsut risk it and see if he has a huge reaction shall we?

NO! tell them when they can prove that they can take care of him then he can stay...

would you trust them if you sent his dinner and breakfast with him? would they give that to him and nothing else?

expatinscotland · 17/01/2006 17:33

i still wouldn't risk it. older people seem to have forgotten what it's like to have little kids. i know my ILs don't 'believe' in allergies.

besides, can you imagien the worry you'd have if you sent your kid to them?

man, i'd be up all night wondering if they'd get him to A&E in a timely fashion if he had a reaction.

Original poster

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 17:34

If I sent every scrap of food - they would still give him something else. The one time they have babysat at their house (whilst dh and I were 2 miles up the road having a meal) I found out they had given him a glass of skimmed milk, even though I had said he was fed and only needed water.

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Dinosaur · 17/01/2006 17:35

Not under the circumstances, no.

Friend of mine's DD nearly died when she went into aphylactic shock after Grandma decided to throw all mummy's fussy ideas out of the window and give her a good old-fashioned tea of boiled egg and soldiers.

I wouldn't risk it.

worriedfriend · 17/01/2006 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 17:40

I don't think coming here would solve their need to have ds at their house. BUT it is an excellent idea to scare dh into agreeing with me. He would be horrified at the idea of his parents spending the night here.

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Original poster

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 17:47

So we're all agreed that it's a no then?

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Katemum · 17/01/2006 17:56

Agreed. Only need to be fair to them when they can prove that they can be fair to your ds.

Meanoldmummy · 17/01/2006 18:01

I agree bobby...If it matters that much to them maybe they'll smarten up their act to prove to you that they are competent enough to look after him!! You'd never forgive yourself if you gave in and something awful happened. What does your dh think?

Original poster

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/01/2006 19:19

So do I just ignore the requests as they are quite vague ie "we would like to have him for the night" rather than "what about Saturday". So far I simply haven't said anything.

Dh was round there on his own at the w/e and he claims "can't remember" what his response was.

I'm quite happy for it to be all my fault...

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