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Original poster

Am thinking of letting children share a bed, am i mad?

54 replies

SnowmAngeliz · 16/01/2006 10:04

Hi all.
Well my dd1 is 4 and my dd2 is 10 months and i'm due again in September. DD2 has been sort of half in cot and half co-sleeping so obviously not ready to be kicked out yet

It was just a fleeting thought that has been niggling me and iu thought, what if i got a double matress for them to share as they adore each other and snuggles. It would mean also that i could lie down with them and get them to sleep without manically runnin between 3 beds and i just like the idea of shared beds. Some of my happieast childhood memories are 5 of us sharing a bed at my nana's but that could be as it was only once in a blue moon.

So, wise ones, has anyone else done this or if not, what are your views?

OP posts:
Original poster
SnowmAngeliz · 16/01/2006 13:19

I think it's odd to think it's odd too, that is odd!

OP posts:
goosey · 16/01/2006 13:27

When I was 14 I went on a french exchange visit and stayed with my penfriend's family. There were 4 girls and 2 boys and their parents - and two bedrooms.
I was given the boy's bedroom where they normally shared the double bed (they were teenagers). Another bedroom had two double beds where the four girls slept, and their parents slept in the dining room which was used as a bedroom, as the kitchen was large enough for a big family sized table. The boys dossed on the two large sofas whilst I was staying.
The family was very close and always laughing and looking out for eachother. I was surprised that even the older children shared beds and it was probably more out of necessity than anything due to limited space.
When my own son and daughter were small and shared a bedroom they often used to cuddle up together and go to sleep - after reading books or bouncing on the bed. There's nothing wierd about it at all. You just adjust the sleeping arrangements according to their needs as they grow.

Laura032004 · 16/01/2006 13:41

I shared a room with my sister when I was younger. We had a double and single bunk beds, but would usually both end up sleeping in a single bunk bed?!?! It took a while for my parents to realise that the reason we were both so tired is that neither of us were sleeping properly!

drosophila · 16/01/2006 13:50

I slept with my sister for years (5 kids - three bedroom house) and hated it when we got bigger. She snored and lashed about when she slept. I think it's fine for younger kids as long as the bed is big enough for comfort but as soon as one complains about not sleeping well I would go to the bed shop.

I don't think I slept properly from about thr age of 8/9.

MrsBadger · 16/01/2006 13:55

I remember hating sharing beds when I was growing up, but not an issue in our house yet.
Best convertible single/double solution I've seen is this one .
V expensive I know (bet can be got cheaper elsewhere), but the mattresses actually zip together to make a proper double with no gap, and the singles are useable separately if you want the flexibility later. We have one in the spare room for PIL etc but keep it folded away to save floorspace - apparently it's very comfy!

PeachyClair · 16/01/2006 14:47

My two have initiated this themselves! DS1 has what is now referred to as 'Aspergers traits' and not sleeping is one of those. DS2 sleeps wonderfully and got fed up to the back teeth of being woken every night, finally told DS1 to get in bed with him and shut up (1 ), they have done this ever since (two months?) with some positive effect, and both seem to enjoy it.

Sometimes I worry, but I can't actually find a reason not to allow it.

Hulababy · 16/01/2006 14:52

I had to share a double bed with my sister when she first moved into my room - I guess about 2yos I was 9 years old. It was only briefly and then we got single beds. But, maybe it was the age difference, I hated having to share my space. I was so envious of my brother who had a room all to himself.

blueshoes · 16/01/2006 14:53

I agree with Franny too - a bit further down the thread. SnowmAngeliz, I think it is a lovely and practical idea. You can always separate them if circumstances change.

Hulababy · 16/01/2006 14:53

Oh, BTW, I do adore my sister. She is fab. Back then I loved her very much. Yes we argued - I was much older and IMO at the time, in charge! But I jus wanted my own space to do my own thing.

twirlaround · 16/01/2006 15:02

If the kids like it then go for it!
Sounds cute to me!

fennel · 16/01/2006 15:04

totally ok if it's what they want. my dds sometimes sleep together, also with my neice - 5, 4 and 3 year olds all wedged into a single bed.
i like sleeping with people it's cosy.

fennel · 16/01/2006 15:04

i can never spell niece.

Easy · 16/01/2006 16:58

Ha Hula, thats exactly what I said.

Hulababy · 16/01/2006 16:59

Easy

Original poster
SnowmAngeliz · 16/01/2006 17:03

Yes easy but Hula was 9, dd is 4.

OP posts:
Hazellnut · 16/01/2006 17:04

Can you still get those beds that the mattresses zip together and then you can convert from double to singles to bunk beds - would be a good solution and then it can change as they change their minds ?!

Easy · 16/01/2006 17:07

But don't you think that it might make her even more clingy and reluctant to sleep on her own - ever?

you said "what's so wierd about them being affectionate with siblings?"

Well I'm affectionate with my mother, but bloody hell wouldn't sleep with her.

What's wrong with children learning self-reliance, individuality?

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 16/01/2006 17:20

IMO meeting their needs makes children more self-reliant and less clingy, in their own time. Unmet needs don't go away, but are merely suppressed, and can re-emerge at very inconvenient times.

Original poster
SnowmAngeliz · 16/01/2006 18:07

Franny, i wanted to say something along those lines but that's much more eloquent than i could ever have been!!! Well said.

Easy, my 4 year old is a good sleeper, she goes to bed around 7.30 and usually sleeps through, it's just i know that she'd love to share with dd2 and it's such a short time frame really as i expect in 2 or 3 years she'd want her own bed.I really didn't mean when they were 10 or over, just all little.

There's a healthy mix of both views i think so i'm still undecided.

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 16/01/2006 18:20

yes franny you're so right about that
so what if children want comfort?
give them a bit of comfort
plenty of time for self reliance and independence and all that when the time is right
and how can affection make you clingy? complete non sequitir (sp?)

roisin · 16/01/2006 18:32

Mine wouldn't cope with this - they would certainly poke each other or fight, or disturb each other in the mornings. (They are in bunks, and ds2 always gets up without disturbing ds1. I don't think he could do this in the same bed.)

Having said that if you are confident your could cope, I'd say give it a whirl. Occasionally when we are staying with friends they have planned for the boys to share a bed, and it's frustrating that it's just not a possibility.

Another downside though, I would worry that if they took to it they might struggle to sleep apart. Dss have shared since ds2 was 6 weeks old, and ds1 now cannot sleep in a room on his own (when we are away) and gets very distressed.

FrayedKnot · 16/01/2006 18:47

Interesting how many people did share beds with siblings when younger.

I never did, although shared a room with my sister until I was 8, and I have to say it seems a little (deliberately not using the word odd)..different to me. Don;t really think anything wrong with it, just would never have occured to me.

I also hate sleeping with anyone else (DH doesn't understand, he likes to snuggle up) I like space around me at night and can't bear someone else fidgeting and keeping me awake.

But I'm a bit of a space addict, so I'm just weird on that score I think.

If it looks like it would work for you and your family, I would say go for it.

Skribble · 16/01/2006 21:22

My 2 shared a 4ft double while we were selling the house and they loved it, when we moved they would still often sleep with each other. They are 6 and 9 and still occasionaly sneek in, which I think is lovely.

To save costs of buying seperate beds in the future I would get 2 singles and they can have them next to each other just now, (mattress pad from Ikea will make it more comfy in the middle). You could get bunks that you can seperate then you have the option of bunks when they are even older.

nooka · 16/01/2006 21:53

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CaptainDippy · 16/01/2006 22:10

My DD1 (2) is DESPERATE to have DD2(8 months) in bed with her - She looks up longingly while DH and I are putting them both to bed (they share a nursery together) - She sits up and frantically pats the mattress beside her and points at her baby sister. It is so, so, so lovely - I would be delighted to allowed them to share a bed; but on the occasion we have put them together - DD2 has wriggled so much that it has caused DD1 to nick all the dummies and crawl to the other end of the cot and curl up, leaving poor DD2 to thrash around trying to find her - Perhaps in a few years .....