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Original poster

advice, Opinions, where do we go from here???

24 replies

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 19:33

Some of you remember my ds3. The one who has problems with the horrid teacher, choir, struggling with the hours...Well...

Today teh Head Chorister told him to F$$$ Off and said Shit to him.
He reported the boy for doing this.
This could mean the head chorister losing his surplus and medal.

Now other choirsters beleive there is 'honour among theives' You don't dob in. (unless of course there is bullying)

Now ds3 is most hated by the choir. ds1 is furious. ds3 is sad

I have said that the head chorster should set any example and certainly not swear at an 8 year old. But on the other hand I understand the dobbing in bit. I don't think ds3 realsied the consequences of his actions..........

So what do I do if anything??? Can this be put right? will ds3 stay lonely forever???

OP posts:

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 20:45

so yo don't care then???

OP posts:

edam · 13/01/2006 20:53

Beet ds is only 2 so no idea what you should do but wanted you to know I have read the post and do sympathise. Very difficult position.

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 20:55

Busy week for you, Beety.

Was the head chorister provoked? Is there a history between him and ds3? (I haven't read your previous threads about this.)

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:03

Ds walked to get to the front of the queue and HC told him to F OFF. DS3 is a bit cheeky. Is finding his place in the choir socially.

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NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 21:13

That's not fun.

DS1 is in the choir, too?

How long has ds3 been in the choir?

This may just have to be a learning experience for him. How else will he learn the consequences of his actions?

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:20

ds1 is in the choir.
ds3 has been there since sept.
it is a big commitment. sing evry day including sat and sun.

Yes a learning experience.
he is only 8 bless him. I don't want to him to be unhappy

OP posts:

marthamoo · 13/01/2006 21:21

Does ds3 really want to be in the choir?

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:22

yes he enjoys teh choir alhtugh he finds it a big commitment

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 21:22

Did he move schools in September, too? That's a big change. Is he finding it hard, following in DS1's footsteps? (Sounds like DS1 isn't enjoying being followed, either!)

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:22

ds1 doesn't mind but is cross that he isn't following the party line

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Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:23

yes NGC

OP posts:

Avalon · 13/01/2006 21:27

Can you get ds1 to have a chat with ds3 about what's expected?

What's the surplus and medal the head chorister might lose?

marthamoo · 13/01/2006 21:28

Tricky then. The only thing I can think is if you went in and had a quiet word with the ..I assume the term is Choir Master? Preferably before Head Chorister is punished. Say that ds3 is finding it hard to adjust but he is very keen - and that you think it will make his struggling to find his feet much worse if the HC is punished so severely when it was ds3 who dobbed him in. I mean, he should be told off, yes - what a horrible thing to say to an 8 year old (though I guess all this is dependent on how the Choir Master feels he wants to handle it).

I really don't know - grasping at straws a bit. Does ds3 have trouble grasping the kind of 'social etiquette' of things - the unspoken rules? I think that's very hard for a lot of kids. Head Chorister sounds horrid. How old is he?

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 21:28

It doesn't really sound like you can do much, except maybe let DS3 talk to you about what happened, if he wants to? Neither of my boys are anywhere near this age, so I'm probably not a great judge.

Sometimes they have to suffer bad things, so they learn how the world works. It sucks that we can't fix stuff for them, but if we could, they would just learn "mum fixes stuff", which isn't that useful a lesson, in the long run. I'm sure you already know all this ...

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:34

Moo, I don't know if I can do that. Firstly the deputy choir master might not say anything in which case it will be fine.

Secondly I don't think I should get involved in that way.

DS3 called a girl choirster a minger recelnty adn it got back to me. I ripped shreds off him...so now is is seeing someone else with autohrity saying worse things.

Ds3 is sweet if stubborn and desprate to be seen as a big boy

I think I have to chat with ds1 and ask him to speak up for ds3 so it doent get out of hand.
They spend so much time together it would be awful if they were horrid to him

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marthamoo · 13/01/2006 21:39

No, I wasn't sure if it was do-able when I suggested it. I think you're probably right - and this is something that ds3 will have to weather on his own (but with a bit of brotherly support from ds1 ).

God it's hard isn't it? Ds1 (also 8) told me the other day about an incident before Christmas with his teacher (he's a boy who likes to stew over things before sharing!) and my instinct was to go in all guns blazing and have it out with her but when I calmed down I realised that, like NCQ, says - sometimes life sucks and Mum can't fix it. She's still a bitch and I'd like to slash her tyres though

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 13/01/2006 21:40

I want to slash ds3 teachers tyres to, I hate her

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marthamoo · 13/01/2006 21:41

This is the first of ds1's teachers I have really loathed. I am very pro-teacher as a rule but she is genuinely awful.

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 14/01/2006 10:28

you and me both MOO. I can going make sure dd does not gether.

Have spoken to ds1 and he is going to support ds3. which shoudl help. god it is awful

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jetlagdZebra · 14/01/2006 10:41

Expecting an 8yo who only just started a few months ago to understand the "mob" rules about not grassing each other up... oh well, my boy wouldn't get it, anyway.
I'd be pretty livid if anybody told me to F$$$ Off, why should your boy be expected to find that acceptable? Your DS1 should be on your DS3's side for that reason alone (should stick up for his brother).

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 14/01/2006 13:34

I agree But ds1 was also cross. Ds1 is now going to stick up for ds3 butit was something that we needed to talk about.

Apparently the HC swears alot. He is 14. The boys learn stuff earlier than they should as they spend alot of time with older kids.

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Meanoldmummy · 14/01/2006 14:04

Oh...this is so hard, I would be really upset if I were in your position. I think this is one of the problems with things like choirs where younger children and teenagers are brought together (although there are advantages as well). I would definitely have a word with the choirmaster, it may not be the first time he has seen such an incident and he may have ideas about diffusing the tension. I hope it blows over soon

Original poster

Beetrootfultoyourself · 14/01/2006 20:44

All went okay at Choir tonight. HC didnt get punished.
DS1 looked out for ds3

OP posts:

Meanoldmummy · 14/01/2006 21:16

Good

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