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Original poster

How hurtful is this?

42 replies

chicagomum · 11/01/2006 21:49

DH works with someone who moved to London from further north 3 years ago. We have endeavoured to help them intergrate as much as we can. We have both our children in common (ie eldest 3 weeks apart and youngest 6 days apart). Obviously we were away whilst we were abroad (but they did exctly the same before us so know the score.) I have recently found out they are expecting again so phoned up tonight to say congratulations an the reply was "that's so kind and thanks for all the evenings out, lunche ,coffe emornings etc but through all of that I've got friend's now so don't need you any more. I'm sure we will still bump into each other at work do's.. BYE".

OP posts:
megandsoph · 12/01/2006 08:42

well CM u know what i'm gonna say "your better off without the cow"

I still canny belive someone could say something like that!!

BudaBabe · 12/01/2006 08:53

Oh my God!!!

WHAT a cheek!

But - as a few have pointed out - maybe someone else has said something - could your DH ask her DH?

If not I would just leave it and know that you are a far, far better person.

meggmoo · 12/01/2006 09:01

Eeek, I'd be so shocked if someone had said that to me. How did you respond to that?

I am so surprised that she would respond this way to you helping her and agree with others that something must have been said or perhaps implied (by someone else?) to make her react this way.
If this isn't the case then thankfully you have found out how throughly unpleasant this person is now rather than after investing years in her as a good friend.

meggmoo · 12/01/2006 09:13

Can I share an experience with you CM?

Something similar happened to me, some people as so strange aren't they?.
There was a new girl at the M&T group I go to (which is not particularly friendly) and I really went out of my way to help her to settle and took her under my wing. I took her to all the local areas of interest, to cafes, babysat for her ds, then out of nowhere I get no replies to texts/phone calls and just left it, I thought perhaps she was busy with family/work.

When I saw her at a few baby related venues(last summer) she pretty much politely blanked me, I tried to shrug it off as a bad experience and just thought that as she had settled she'd found other friends so didn't have a problem with that as such but wished perhaps she could have said something - as I felt I had done something wrong.

I'm waffling here CM but a few week ago I saw her and her ds and she really went out of her way to talk to me about my appearance and the new clothes I was wearing ( I have lost alot of weight recently and have had to buy pretty much a new wardrobe and treated myself to a new hair cut) essentially the conversation ended with her saying you look so much better now, so much younger and trendier not like before, you were a bit of a mess weren't you? Your much more the kind of person I hang around with now. Fancy meeting up next week? Oh and where did you get your jeans from, they're great.

Not as bad as what was said to you though!

oliveoil · 12/01/2006 09:17

I would have told her to get her image over hauled as well and you would check your diary.

hunkermunker · 12/01/2006 09:20

What a miserable old baggage! I'd be tempted to ring back and tell her that if she takes her shoes and socks off, she could have more friends - it doesn't just have to be the ones she can count on her hands (claws?)

Don't take it to heart - she won't have those friends long if she treats them like that! x x x x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/01/2006 09:25

OOOOH - do you think she is on MN and feels left out or ignored? Just a thought.

Twiglett · 12/01/2006 09:30

are you sure that's what she said?

any chance you could have misheard?

I cannot believe someone could be that rude so find it difficult to believe you got it straight

I'm frankly quite appalled and think I would call back and ask if that is actually what she said .. and if she did then charge her professional introduction fees of about 3K

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/01/2006 09:32

meggymoo!

I know what id've said (in hindsight of course). Well rid of quite frankly!

Beetrootfultoyourself · 12/01/2006 09:33

blimey meggymoo. I hope you blanked her or will balnk her next time you meet

meggmoo · 12/01/2006 09:39

Sorry Chicagomum not meant to be a hijack just wanted to share a similar story so you don't feel so bad.

BTW no I didn't blank her (would be as bad as her if I did really) after a couple of days of brooding I took it as a compliment and do feel quite sorry for her little "following" she has acquired of perfectly groomed/sized yummy mummies!

Chicago mum are you going to contact this lady again and ask her what they last convo was about????

CaptainDippy · 12/01/2006 09:50

Ouch - Surely there is more to the situation that!!?

Meanoldmummy · 12/01/2006 10:10

at both!

Rhubarb · 12/01/2006 10:38

There are plenty of mean people out there. I've had similar done to me, I generally just get ignored or blanked, no harsh comments....yet!

But I wonder if you would think that I am doing a similar thing? Since moving to France, if I hear anyone with an English accent I usually say 'hello' to. Anyway, there are two oldish women that are living out here on their own and I befriended them. One lived not far from us and because she couldn't drive we used to give her lifts to places, invite her round for tea and generally give her help if she needed it. Now she has bought a house an hours drive away and although we have been to see her and she is always lovely, we have't been since the Autumn, or made any contact with her. Not because of any particular reason, but we would have to go out of our way to visit her and there is nothing to do at hers for the kids. She can't come to visit us because she has no car. I keep meaning to get in touch but the longer I leave it the harder it gets.
Also, with the other woman, I didn't really like her much. She says she used to be quite a famous jazz musician (although nothing comes up under her name in Google) and she's forever going on about how she gave up fame and fortune to pursue other things, she name drops all the time and the bulk of the conversation is about her. Again we have helped her out a bit, but I felt she was looking for emotional support too (she's a depressive) and I couldn't give her that, I tend to stay away from depressives after my experiences with my mother. So I haven't contacted her since the summer.

Both of these ladies do have our mobile telephone number, but neither have contacted us. So, am I being mean?

Original poster
chicagomum · 12/01/2006 12:13

I told Dh about it this morning (as he came home rather late last night and I'd already good to bed). I said I was rather hurt by it, not because I felt used (although I do a bit tbh) but because I genuinely thought we were building a friendship, but clearly she doesn't seem to think so. AFAIK no 3rd party has said anything to her, and I've never said anything to anyone else that I didn't want to be friends or anything along those lines. DH said he will have a quiet word with her DH today to see if he can get to the bottom of this. So we will see....

I was pretty gob smacked last night and basically just said "OH.... OK then". TBH don't really want to phone her again and confront her about it as in those situations I tend to get a bit tongue tied and say things in the wrong way.

OP posts:
fairyjay · 12/01/2006 13:07

Obviously a social climber, and by their very nature, these people end up sad and lonely.

You're best without 'friends' like that!

meggmoo · 12/01/2006 15:53

I agree FJ.

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