SIL is trying to guilt me...

[Pfer]

I am a major soft touch. Find it hard to offend people and do my best not to upset anyone. But being like this I find that I am taken advantage of quite a lot and made to feel guilty for things that aren't my fault.

My SIL has been doing some work for me part-time on a self employed basis for about 4 months just doing work for one business. Of late she's been getting slower and slower doing the work and I've been finding it difficult to follow what she's done. Anyway today the client has asked that I do their work which is fine. It'll take me about half the time and it'll always be up to date and they can have their figures whenever they want them now.

I've just told SIL that I'll be doing it for the foreseeable future and she got sad and depressed on me. Saying that bro will be cross as he bought her a laptop for the purpose and how they need the money. I never asked her to get a laptop, said if she was doing the work on site she was to use mine and if doing it at home use the pc they've already got. It's not my problem if they have no money is it. We don't have any either so tbh I could do with the extra income anyway.

So why do I feel bad when she's not been doing what I've needed her to and the clients aren't that keen on her? I feel like I've dropped her in it with the laptop and all but I've never promised her anymore work, in fact I only gave her this to do initially as I knew how short they were even though we are worse off!

Sorry, she just has the knack of making me feel bad.

I am exactly the same as you, you know it is not your fault, let them deal with it, they must have been looking for a reason to buy a laptop as they already wanted it, you know you were trying to help so stick with what you know is true and leave then to it don't internalise the guilt, fight it. and get rid of Toxic relationships, where people make you feel bad, it is better to have less friends than people who stress you out and take advantage.

Did you tell her that her work wasn't up to scratch?

bitsa no I didn't. I just corrected it. Like an idiot. I explained things to her quite a few times and she just looked at me like I am stupid and insisted she knew how to do it just as well as I do (I've been at this job for 13yrs compared to her 4 months) and she just can't be told.

If the clients had been happy with her I would have stuck with it and kept helping her until she got the hang of it. She has attended a class to show her how to do this and says it was easy. But the client wasn't happy and as I have no other work that is suitable for her as she knows nothing about tax returns I've had to tell her that I've got nothing for her. And she's trying to make me feel bad. From past experience she'll do this until I make something up for her to do and give her money from my own pocket. I can't do this again. I can't afford it.

JennyLee - thanks, nice to know I'm not the only softy out there.