Angst - whether to work or not

[handlemecarefully]

You may find this little self indulgent angst session really tedious so please feel free to ignore.

How do you decide whether to continue working or not? Whilst unhappy with current situation I am incapable of making a decision, and increasingly frustrated with myself for letting the status quo continue.

*I work 30 hours per week (have been doing so since dd was 6 months old, now 15 months old)
*I spend a lot of time at work on the internet because I find work incredibly dull, unrewarding etc and have zero motivation.
*However I enjoy the gossip with my colleagues!
*My gross pay pre tax, whilst not exceptional etc is quite good. So perhaps the pay is adequate compensation for being bored and disatisfied at work
*We have a big mortgage (£320,000 left to pay)and I worry about selfishly putting the 'burden for this solely on dh.Dh definitely would be stressed and worried as the sole breadwinner - he is that sort of personality
*I like to have the freedom not to have to think and worry about money, and if I gave up work things would be tight
*however as well as being bored at work, I also miss my dd and think she would get more out of spending more time with me than she does being at Day Nursery 30 hours per week
*also worry that if I was a full time SAHM this would drive me insane and that I am not a good enough mum to cope with demands of a small child 24:7

So I keep going around circles. In short money is good but I am bored shiles and miss dd. Worry about impact on dh if I quit. Also worry if I am up to the job of being a full time SAHM. It would be just great if decision was taken out of my hands and I was made redundant!!

Can anybody identify with this or similar scenario and what did you do?

I can completely identify with that hmc!

I like where I work because of chats and gossip. I post far too much on MN during the day because I don't find what I do very interesting. I earn lots more than DP at the moment so I feel a bit trapped here really.

Could you go part time (I guess by being 30 hpw you are already a little bit part time but a bit more might help you).

I might be made redundant at the end of the year, or I might be offered a good solid job (same job as now but permy) on less money and I am half-hoping I won't be offered the job which is mad.

It sounds to me like you should get another job, with fewer hours, probably less money, but something you'd enjoy, wouldn't make your finances too stressful on your DH. A compromise solution. Does a good chunk of your salary go on childcare, anyway?

I quit one job after DS was born because I HATED it. I go through periods of low-motivation with current job, but I like it over-all. I feel very inferior mother for not wanting to be 24:7 SAHM, but I don't, and that's that. I'm pretty sure that I have more patience with my kids because I get the adult time away from them, too. Nowadays I am the only earner, so quitting isn't an option, though.

Zebra, I still have a fair bit of money left after day nursery costs. My current job is well paid but boring as hell.

My worry is that finding another more rewarding job will be nigh on impossible - because with no experience apart from the field that I am currently in, a career change would involve starting a new profession at the bottom and taking a pittance in pay...which would sort of be the same or similar - in financial terms - to not working at all.

Still, at least I'm not in your position as the sole earner. Perhaps I should count my lucky stars and pull myself together

Hmc

Feel quite similar to you as well. I used to find my job really great, but 2 periods of mat leave close together have naturally meant that other pple have taken on my role and I've been sidelined a bit. Its quite boring at the mo.

I work 3 days and the money is good for the NEast. A very large chunk goes to nursery fees. I'm now pg with no3 which might have made the decision for me - might have to leave, but I'm not sure I can afford to. Dh earns good enough amount but we (mainly me) have some short term debt we need to clear which might mean me keeping working.

Its a nightmare, but at the moment, I'm so bored at work like you, that I would be better off at home. But then we do need at least some of the money & like you I'm not sure I have the guts to be a SAHM. Talk about round in circles.

I have said to myself that i will try for the rest of my time here until next mat leave (if I get that far) to really put a lot into my job. If I still feel like this nearer June, I'm thinking about teaching. Of course part of this plan was not to use MN as much...failed that one today then.

I totally sympathise hmc, its a head-wreck. But then, like you say, we are also lucky to have some options.

Would think dropping to 20 -25 hours would be best compromise. Sounds like you do about 4 days. Drop to 3 and you might have a better balance.

lazyeye,

that sounds like a good resolution - try whilst you can to put a lot into your job. Perhaps its partly about mindset and if you force yourself to work at your job it eventually becomes second nature, and work more satisfying?? I'll have to try that too - difficult though - eh? Perhaps we can be each others live coaches / moral support on this

I'm going on mat leave soonish too (April 2004)

Oh dear - are all those of us tedified by our jobs pregnant? Could this be something to do with it?

I am in the same boat as you hmc in that if I leave this job it will be impossible to get another in the same field (I graduated 8 years ago and already my IT skills are obsolete!). Starting at the bottom feels so scary when you know you're on a cushy if boring number.

Feel free to have a self-indulgent angst session whenever!

Don't even think about it now. You'll soon be on maternity leave so coast through the last bit and enjoy the gossip! If you still feel like this after your baby arrives, maybe ask to cut down you hours - maybe to a three day week. They have to do this unless they can come up with a really good reason why not and at least you'd know your options. I think your dh has a point - it's a huge thing to take on by yourself so you would need to talk to him too (obviously) if you wanted to give up altogether. I sympathise. I now work flexibly from home and so I don't have the problems I used to have with working but I still think I am much happier for having some childcare and something else to think about/do that isn't to do with children etc

Could you try to make your job more interesting by doing some training? There are plenty of computer-based training courses available these days - it might give you some new skills if you did decide to change career direction.

Thanks everyone,

Had a chat to dh last night, and we have decided that I will reduce down from 30 - 24 hours when I return from mat leave with number 2. This doesn't stop my job from being boring and unrewarding - but it does give a better balance and a bit more time with dd (and new babe), without bankrupting us. We've also thought of some small economies we can make since I will be bringing home a bit less money.

I feel a whole lot better for coming to this compromise decision, and it helped me by putting it in writing here, and reading your replies.

Maybe when the kids go to school in a few years and my child care costs are less, I can think of a change in direction and a new line of work....

Ta very much

Hmc - hows the renewed efforts re job going. I'm having good days and bad........reflected in the amount of Mnetting I do.....

Feel quite sick with preg these days,not helping my concentration.

Hope your feeling more settled. Right, off to do some proper work......

Thanks for asking lazyeye,

Am really trying (and failing) to kick into touch the mumsnet habit - seem to have no willpower. However am feeling a bit more productive and happy at work, as I am generally content in the knowledge that I will be cutting my hours down soon from 30 to 24. This hasn't made work any more interesting - but I feel less 'bitter' about it.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling rough with this pregnancy - how many weeks are you?

Re the mumsnet habit - I was thinking about giving myself allocated time for it and sticking to it rigidly (i.e. maybe 10 minutes mid morning, 20 mins at lunch time and 10 mins mid afternoon); but haven't tried this yet. Perhaps tomorrow!

I'm about 7 and a bit weeks, feel sick most of the day - helped only by constant eating - I'll be the size of bus at this rate. Had m/c in July so haven't told anyone at work yet & not sure of the reaction as will be 3rd mat leave in 4 yrs.

I do wonder about Freddiethecats point about all of us being bored getting pregnant.....interesting. But for me, it was more a case of really wanting a third, but the lack of stimulation in the job probably helped cement my mind.

I'm trying hard to be self directed and motivated....hard & yes limiting MN. I really only check in the morning, lunch and tea now. Still have bad days, but I think I had to control it a bit.

I think you are wise to cut your hours. 30 hours is what - 4 days? Almost f/t. I think at 3 days - what I do - you will feel more of a balance........

How far you gone??

I'm 17.5 weeks and have been a right jammy so and so - I count my blessings that I haven't had any sickness at all with this one (very different from pregnancy with dd). Hope that you feel better soon.

Incidentally, I am like you - I'm not pregnant and therefore bored at work, more a case of bored at work so why put off getting pregnant again....

However whole work disaffection thing started with arrival of dd. Before dd I guess I was defined by my work and it was tied up with my self identity (sounds very American that!), now being a mum is first and foremost what defines me!