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Original poster

Why have a Christening?

14 replies

Penni · 04/01/2006 07:38

Can anyone offer honest / advice information. Getting pressure from familly to have my 2 children Christened. Both my husband and I have been but we have not "got around" to it for our children due to moving counties and famiily living abroad (making a gathering hard to organise and having to accomodate everyone!!)and behavioural issues for my eldest ( now 6 and has AS). We don't go to church on a regular basis and this is probably why we haven't done it beacuse I'd feel a fraud asking a vicar to do it. So the question is, why would I want to have my children Christened and is it ridiculous to ask to do it when my children are 6 and 3?? Thanks very much.

OP posts:

Laura032004 · 04/01/2006 08:17

I don't know about the 'why' question, but FWIW I wasn't christened until I was about 8. My parents are different religions (CofE and RC) so they couldn't agree on what religion to have us christened as. My parents split up at that point for a few years, so I think my mum took her opportunity I think it's nicer in a way as I kind of understood what was going on.

Elf1981 · 04/01/2006 09:06

why not tell people that you are waiting for you children to be old enough to make the decision for themselves, such as about 12 years old. Say you dont want to force religious beliefs onto your children if they don't agree with them.

acnebride · 04/01/2006 09:15

If you would like to have the children christened then don't worry about talking to the vicar - any vicar with any sense should be happy to baptise anyone who asks, especially if they are C of E since it's the established church and they have an obligation I think to baptise if requested, unless they have some major conscientious objection. If you go to church at all you're probably going more often than 90% of his parishioners.

If you or your family are Catholic then that's out of my experience, but don't forget that the pope's abolished limbo so if they're worried about unbaptised children not going to heaven they shouldn't be! If they pressure you I would just get into a very theological argument - usually makes most people back down...

uwila · 04/01/2006 09:15

You have them Christened because you want to bring them in to a life of Christ. In my view, baptism is a formal introduction to a life with the church. If you truly don't believe in God or Jesus as your saviour, then it's probably not really the time to do this.

However, I should also add that if your children grow up and do believe in God then have to go to vicar themselves as adults to become baptised, they might feel rather emarassed that they hadn't been baptised as children. My mother is a devoted atheist and so I was baptised in my 30s. It took my years to get over the embarrasment and go forward and ask to be baptised. I just felt stupid about it.

My children will definitely be baptised. One of then (2 1/2) was recently baptised and DS (7 months) will be baptised when we sort out God Parents.

spacedonkey · 04/01/2006 09:17

are you a Christian?

if not, you can hold a non-religious naming ceremony?

laughinglil · 04/01/2006 09:37

good excuse for a party?

itllbelonelythisdavros · 04/01/2006 09:45

Don't do it if you don't want to. I am not christened, nor are my sisters and none of our children are either. Make your own mind up and make a point of telling relatives if you decide against.

spacedonkey · 04/01/2006 09:47

I'm not and neither are my children - but I can see why having some sort of ceremony is appealing

lilibet · 04/01/2006 09:55

Uwila summed it up perfectly, but can I add that when you have your child baptised there are promises to be made, I wouldn't do it unless you feel willing abd able to keep these promises,, otherwise it makes a sham of the whole thing.

You promise to "draw them by your example into the community of faith", it's something that so many people promise to do but never seem to manage!

Why not have a thanksgiving, your C of E vicar woudl be really thrilled to be asked to do one, it would show that you want to thank God for what he has done by giving you two fantastic children but you don't wnat to commit yourselves to things that at the oment you wouldn't feel comfortable doing?

mazzystar · 04/01/2006 10:07

We had a naming ceremony for ds. It was really fab. We wanted him to have some "ungodly parents" as we call them as dh and i both only children.

Much like you, we are not church-goers, so we would have been very uncomfortable with a Christening. But luckily we also had no pressure to have one.

Pfer · 04/01/2006 10:24

I can't see the point unless you are religious yourself.
DH and I have both been christened and I have been confirmed (as children), yet as adults we have made our own choices and formed our own opinions and so our kids haven't been christened.
When they get older they too can make their own choice and if they do want to be christened/go to church etc then we will accept and respect their views.
So IMO unless you are a regular church goer and a believer then it'd just be an exercise to appease your families and TBH I don't feel that's the right reason is it?

Pfer · 04/01/2006 10:24

Mazzy, like the ungodly parents idea

jenkel · 04/01/2006 10:48

Both DH and I are christened and both DD's have been christened. We dont go to church regulary, but I live my life according to christian morals/values and I bring my dd's up to do the same. I am investigating sunday school for when they are a little older and will encourage them to go but not force them. I just felt that to get them christenend was a good grounding and they could choose the path to take as and when they get older.

uwila · 04/01/2006 11:20

Penni,
Do you believe in God? Believe in Christ as your saviour? Do you see a benefit to your kids from belonging to the Christian community?

If the answer to these questions is yes, then I think you shouldn't feel that you don't qualify for christenting just because your attendance on Sunday is poor. There are more ways to worship God then just sitting in church on Sunday. Some people like to carry out their faith by actively working for the poor, or being active in politics to get policies changed that they feel could better support Christianity, or some people may read the bible inpeace, or have some time where they listen to Christian musis. Some people like to sit peacefully in the garden while they pray... The possibilities are endless. Being a Christian is about a lot more than attending Sunday sevice. Do any of these things ring true for you?

If your attendance at church is poor because you have made a concious decision that you don't belive in Christianity, then I would advise baptism is not for you because you are not likely to carry out the promises made during the baptism. But, if really you believe but your lives just got busy and you haven't found the time for Sunday worhip in a few years, then that alone is not reason for you to feel you are not eligible to have your kids baptised (if that is what you want).

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