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Original poster

All those turning 40 this year, how do you feel about it? And those who already are, tell us how you felt/feel...

74 replies

WideWebWitch · 01/01/2006 18:14

Well there seem to be a lot of us 1966 babies who will be 40 this year, how are we all feeling about it?

Do people feel this is 'half way' or do you just not think about it in those terms? Or do you think it's the new thirty (which is what I keep telling myself) and therefore nothing to worry about at all? And is there stuff you thought you ought to have achieved by now and haven't or stuff you feel must be done before the big birthday?

And is anyone having mid life crisis moments? I am considering going back to my natural brunette once I am slim and forty (I've already got my toy boy in dh, who is 29 and will be 30 in July but we met when I was 33 so when I thought 40 was a loooong way away!) Any and all thoughts, moanings and ranting welcome...

OP posts:
spacedonkey · 01/01/2006 19:24

1968 baby here, so I've got a couple of years to go, but I am seriously looking forward to my 40s. I feel like it has taken me two decades to sort my head out enough to start enjoying life.

puff · 01/01/2006 19:25

WWW, firstly, having seen your wedding pics - you do not look as though you are turning 40 this year - I'd have put you at 31/32 .

I'm a 1965 baby .

I was comfy with being 40. I'd started to lose all the weight I'd gained in the previous 4 years, so felt I'd made some inroads on that which was important to me.

I felt/feel much more "deep down" contentment than I did when I hit 30. Then I was still in a long term relationship which wasn't making me happy, no kids (wanted them but not with him), a great career, loads of disposable income, but very unsettled generally.

Now, despite a very very difficult 5 years (since marrying, me and dh have lost all our parents quite suddenly in that time), I feel comfortable in my skin and with my life.

I'm ready to take on another new career challenge - will be starting an MA in Sept.

I'm more conscious of looking after myself now I'm older and think that's a good thing.

Blu · 01/01/2006 19:27

oooh, are www's wedding pics still up? I want to see them!
(and congratulations, www)

Original poster
WideWebWitch · 01/01/2006 19:27

Goosey, gosh, I know what you mean about being invisible, I used to get plenty of male attention and I just don't any more (and neither do I want it either except from dh) but I'm not sure whether that's because I am fat or nearly 40 - I suspect a combination of the two. I have had phases where I've had men falling at my feet and I know it wouldn't happen any more even if I wanted it to (which I don't, obv!). I remember reading lots of stuff about how women become invisibible at 35+ and thinking it simply wasn't true but it is! Unless you are Liz Hurley of course, who is 40 and looks amazing on it.

Dh and I were talking about renting a big house and having a house party with lots of family and children but we're not sure. We may do 2 x weekends away at amazing hotels + a party at wherever we're lving in July (dh's birthday) and October (mine) this year instead. So Lonelymum, I think it will be something memorable.

OP posts:
merrySOAPBOXingday · 01/01/2006 19:29

I had a great year when I turned 40 (i'm now 41). I think if you use it positively as a catalyst for change then it can refocus you in many ways.

Like MI, I think it has been the start of what I hope will be a great decade. I feel more me, than I ever have - if that makes any sense at all

A feeling of finally all the good bits coming together in my life and all the not so good bits being containable - it being my choice how it runs.

I'm no where near as material as I was in my 20's and 30's, perhaps the biggest change being a feeling that 'things' do not matter in this old life of ours but 'experiences' do!

Embrace it, enjoy it and energise yourself from it, would be my advice to you all

tamum · 01/01/2006 19:32

I minded more than I thought I would to be honest. I did suddenly feel a lot more middle-aged. I have had several years to get used to it now though, sadly and am quite reconciled to the idea.

madness · 01/01/2006 19:32

As several of my friends did, we went away on a holiday.
Did feel my last chance of my carrier had gone, but I suppose not just to do with my age but the fact of having 2 small children etc.
Now pg with no 3 which feels a bit odd at my age....(yes I know plenty of others of above 40 and pg, my mum had me at 45 y old...)

Eulalia · 01/01/2006 19:54

I marked my 40th last August by having my 3rd baby, 17 days beforehand. Good excuse not to bother about a party. Will probably have one this year instead. Obviously my attention was diverted with a baby and it was a good way of not thinking about being 40,not that it would have bothered me anyway.

mummydear · 01/01/2006 19:58

Hit 40 in the summer, seemed to be less bothered about it than when I was approaching 30, perhaps because I am more settled in life and have two lovely children. When I was approaching 30 i has just got divorced and didn;t know where life was heading.

howver to celebrate 40 years on this planet I decided to run the London Marathon, have got a place and training starts seriously now. This could be classed as a mid life crisis !!

tillykins · 01/01/2006 20:02

I'm 40 in the summer and have been wondering how I feel about this
I don't feel grown up enough to be 40 - and I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing

elliott · 01/01/2006 20:16

hmmmm. I feel good and bad about it. Good things - I'm basically content with my kids, my relationship, my career. I feel increasingly confident with age - that kind of knowing who you are and not really caring what other people think about it.
The more ambivalent side of it - definitely feel more mortal - a couple of friends have had serious health issues - so I'm not so complacent as to think 'half way'! I also think hitting 40 will be a bit of an issue in relation to my infertility - not that I desperately want another child (although I might well have had three had I had a choice), but at some point I'll have to accept that I am never going to conceive naturally and will need to close the door on that. Oh, and my mum won't survive the year, so that is going to make me feel rather grown up and alone in the world....
I've never been visible to men so there'll be no change there then....

Azure · 01/01/2006 20:18

I'm 40 in September and am not dreading it, but not exactly looking forward to it. Most of my friends plus DH are older than me so that somehow makes it better. For my 30th a group of us spent a great weekend in the Champagne region of France, going around champagne houses and staying in nice hotels. As I'll have a one and a four year-old this time I suspect I'll do something less extravagent - possibly dinner in a private room in a restaurant with my closest friends. Would it sound mean to say my dream would be a week in the Seychelles or similar with just DH? That's not going to happen, anyway.

puff · 01/01/2006 20:45

I wonder whether the thing about not being noticed anymore is about us as much as anyone else. I've had a couple of conversations with dh, recounting something involving talking to some bloke (I didn't think anything of it) - dh has said "Ooh, he was chatting you up".

Dh isn't possessive or funny about this kind of thing at all and I thought he was talking rubbish, but bowed to his superior judgement as he's a man and I'm not - and when looked at from a male perspective, maybe he was right, but I've had my blinkers on for a few years now!

Mercy · 01/01/2006 20:46

When I turned 40 I was 5 months pg and we had a family holiday in Barcelona (with db & partner and friends).It was great!

I felt much more worried about turning 30 than 40 tbh. At 30 I was single and drifting; at 40 I had a family, and definitely more content.

I do feel more daunted about turning 50 though (only 8 years away) for a number of reasons. I'm starting to look and feel middle-aged and I do now worry about the future which was never previously a concern

notasheep · 01/01/2006 21:31

I am 42 and feel 25!
Do not fear,being 40 isnt middle aged anymore

ThePrisoner · 02/01/2006 00:36

I thought that turning 30 was a bit more of a downer than 40. When you say you're in your teens or 20s, that doesn't sound too bad - so suddenly realising that I was in my 30s sounded positively middle-aged!

Now I am well past the 40 mark as well, but I console myself with the fact that people are always gobsmacked when they find out how old I am - because I'm a childminder and always have very small children with me, I choose to believe that they all think I'm in my early 20s (but they probably think I'm the granny and actually nearer 60!!)

I don't think turning 40 is a big deal ... but approaching 50 sounds really really awful!!

Ailsa · 02/01/2006 12:15

I'll be 40 in September and looking forward to it, well the party anyway (which I'm organising myself if you happen to be spying dh!!!!!!)

aragon · 02/01/2006 12:28

Hi,

I'm 40 on 3rd February and I am looking forward to it. My life is far more settled and sorted out then it was 10 years ago and I feel I have alot to celebrate. I am really fortunate, lovely hubby, fab 3 year old son (who we were told would never be conceived - and certainly no more have come along). A house in a nice part of the country (okay - we're renting but that's okay) - all these things have happened in the last 10 years - I actually feel like celebrating it. It won't be in a big way as we are broke but it'll be a special time with family.

oxocube · 02/01/2006 17:48

40 in april. Am dreading it

lou33 · 02/01/2006 18:06

i thought it was just me who felt like that

motherinferior · 02/01/2006 18:10

Oh yes, I dreaded it (mind you was hugely pregnant anyway) but the point is that by the point you lovely girlies are at, you're practically 40 anyway. One has to, you know, adjust various assumptions about one's looks/pertness/stamina quite a lot in that decade between reaching 30 and turning 40. It's an incremental thing.

Frankly, I suspect the invisibility is as much to do with being afflicted with children - you know, the buggies, the distracted look, the small sticky hands clutched in yours, the crazed look of release when out on yer own for the first time in years - than the actual weight of the years alone.

noddyholder · 02/01/2006 18:12

I think anyone with a dread of getting older should deal with it before the event iykwim because my mum has always hated getting older and she is tormented by it tbh and has never accepted it I couldn't give a monkies about aging and my sister is the same and she doesn't believe us!She is permanently going on about diets and wrinkles and has no life at all I love the freedom it brings and it is inevitable so enjoy it!

Aloha · 02/01/2006 18:13

Oh, it's not so bad. I hate all birthdays, but once you are in, it's fine. Having a non-sleeping babe makes it more difficult to have oomph, but it won't be forever. I still have long hair and shop in H&M (and I don't look like a mad crone, actually, you there at the back )
When I was 40 I was pregnant with dd.

MrsWobble · 02/01/2006 18:46

I should have been 40 in 2005 but hated the idea of being 40 so decided to cancel my birthday so I am still 39. I can't work out why I hate the idea of 40 so much - I've never had a problem with birthdays before.

My husband is very understanding - he was the same age as me so is now a year older - the children find it very funny. My younger sister is perfectly happy with it although she has worked out that it means she can't be older than 35 which actually suits her quite well as well.

I'll have to get older at some point but I'm sure there will come a time when I feel ready for it - I'm just not ready to be 40 now.

CountessDracula · 02/01/2006 18:48

I am 40 in october and looking forward to a great party! I honestly couldn't give a toss, my parents are both in their 60s and still have a riot.