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Original poster

Worried about Mother

23 replies

notasheep · 30/12/2005 21:55

Went to visit parents over christmas break(Mother 76,Father 77)- suddenly i had a huge out pouring from my Mother.She talked and cried about being an illegitimate baby along with her brother and sister
and of another sibling she had never met.

Then she went on to getting married and her surname being different on birth certificate.
Then talking of my sister and brother that died at 3 days and at 3 years.

My Mother has never spoken to me like that EVER.It seemed she really needed to talk about stuff that had been kept secret for decades.I am now soooooo
worried about her.I sense she knows/has been told her days are numbered.
I can hardly ask her.
Feel i should start to visit her more often.
Not sure what to do.
Feel quite lost.

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monkeytrousers · 30/12/2005 22:40

Se sounds scared. Maybe she just wants to tell her story - she's definetly reaching out. Can you be there for her? You probably don't have to ask her anything, just listen and prompt. If in doubt try putting yourself in her shoes..

chipmonksRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 30/12/2005 22:41

Maybe its just a Christmas thing, notasheep? Its a hard time of year for some people, especially if they've lost loved ones or their childhood Christmases weren't all they should be. It's hard for you too because you start off life with your parents looking after you and you can feel so helpless when they need your help.

monkeytrousers · 30/12/2005 22:41

Be brave..x

motherinferior · 30/12/2005 22:41

Do you feel able to deal with being told this stuff, as well?

monkeytrousers · 30/12/2005 22:47

I meant to say that too.

Original poster
notasheep · 30/12/2005 22:51

The thing is i already knew-my brother has had a long interest in the family tree so all her outpourings werent new to me-so that makes me feel even worse!

I have even been to my sister and brothers grave without her knowledge.

I just wish i could pop round to see her for a coffee but i live 200 miles away

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Original poster
notasheep · 30/12/2005 22:53

My main concern is that her GP has told her something that i dont want to hear.

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thecattleareALOHing · 30/12/2005 22:55

My dh's dad (never met him sadly but very much a Yorkshireman with a v stoic nature apparently) had a mild stroke and it totally unlocked the emotional side of his personality - he became very tearful sometimes and dh was very disconcerted by it.

Original poster
notasheep · 30/12/2005 22:58

All i know is that she has been diagnosed with a heart condition that can be managed with medication but will not get better

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monkeytrousers · 30/12/2005 23:04

Can you not simply ask her what's wrong?

Original poster
notasheep · 30/12/2005 23:05

Scared

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merrySOAPBOXingday · 30/12/2005 23:05

Notasheep - if you could bring yourself to tell her, I think she would be extremely pleased to know that you had been to your brother and sisters' graves. I think she would find that very reassuring!

I hope you find the strength to be her strength through all of this - it sounds like quite a burden she is trying to shed, poor woman

monkeytrousers · 30/12/2005 23:09

We're all scared aren't we? (I know I am) Just us younger ones think we have more time not to think about it. Woody Allen recently described life and mortality as a 'terrible predicament'..all I can say is he's right. x

Original poster
notasheep · 30/12/2005 23:10

Feel i need to be as honest with her as she has been with me.
Also its difficult for me as we have never been close then suddenly WHOOSH the relationship has changed.

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Original poster
notasheep · 30/12/2005 23:13

Hopefully our next conversation will carry on from the last,and hopefully i wont have to ask any questions as she just talked and talked with no prompting.

So half term it will be.

Thankyou ALL for your advice and listening,feel i will be able to sleep a little better tonight

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Original poster
notasheep · 31/12/2005 08:54

Didnt sleep at all well last night so must get talking with her

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spruceylucy5 · 31/12/2005 09:25

Perhaps you could ring her, have you spoken to your father?

Original poster
notasheep · 31/12/2005 13:06

Dont find we communicate well on phone,much better face to face over coffee and cake.

Havent spoken to my father,i have no doubt he overheard her outpourings-he was only in the next room and it was all rather emotional.

I must go and visit her again asap,have also e mailed my brother who did all the family tree research to see if he has any suggestions

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spruceylucy5 · 31/12/2005 18:33

Good luck I think a visit would put your mind at rest.

Crystaltips · 31/12/2005 18:39

SOrry to be brutal - but if your worst fears are true ... you'd kick yourself if you didn't do anything.
Call her, write to her, show her you are supporting her and that you LOVE her ....

The big regrets we have in life are the things that we don't do ...
Thinking of you

xxxx

Original poster
notasheep · 31/12/2005 21:39

Crystaltips-exactly right,I will ring her in the morning,also dd is 6 tomorrow so i cant make any excuses and of course its New Year too!

I even spoke to my MIL about this today-she seemed to think something was very up too.

Thankyou ALL for your support and guidance

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Crystaltips · 01/01/2006 14:20

How did it go notasheep ???

Hope you felt that you did the right thing - whatever it was
xx

Original poster
notasheep · 01/01/2006 20:29

It didnt go- i didnt ring her as i have been feeling so upset.My dd is 6 today and i seem to be so upset,looking at past 6 years and what on earth am i doing.
So -i didnt avoid ringing Mother,i just really wasnt up to it.

Thankyou for being here

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