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Original poster

My friend has come to visit and is on a bender and probably having a breakdown!

33 replies

spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 20:58

My friend is visiting and she is an alcoholic, although she doesnt admit it. She seems to be having a crisis and last night she got so smashed, she was literally falling over, eyes rolling in the back of her head etc. I feel really sorry for her but I cant face a week of this. She has booked into a hotel because she doesnt want to put my dd through this, which is really sad. I want to help her but she is in a very bad place and I just cant reach her. Any advice would be gladly appreciated.

OP posts:
hercules · 29/12/2005 20:59

Sorry but you cant help her. You need to let her get on with it and not drag you down.

Al anon have a helpline for friends and family who are excellent.

Janh · 29/12/2005 21:00

Won't she talk to you at all?

Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:02

She talks and talks incessantly but it's all rubbish. She wont listen. When sober she makes all the right noises but avoids serious conversations.

OP posts:
hercules · 29/12/2005 21:03

repeat last post, you have to leave her to it.

Janh · 29/12/2005 21:05

I think herc is right, sadly. If she won't be intelligent and sensible about her situation what can you do?

myrrhthamoo · 29/12/2005 21:05

I'm afraid I agree with hercules - she can't get anywhere until she wants to sober up and face her demons. You can let her know you can be there for her when she's ready to do that - but not at the expense of your sanity/family life. It must be so hard - I'm sorry.

ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 29/12/2005 21:05

Agree, talking to someone who is sloshed is a waste of time, you can't help them - they won't even remember what's been said. Drinking is a way of avoiding your problems, maybe when she stops drinking you can support her, but till then...

Very hard for you, sorry.

Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:06

Thanks, I know you are right but i'm not used to feeling so helpless or so angry that I could slap her.

OP posts:
hercules · 29/12/2005 21:08

but you are helpless. THat's the trouble. You can only do as said earlier say you'll be there once she starts to get help. Otherwise, you need to leave her to it.

ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 29/12/2005 21:11

The one thing that might be worth your while is to write her a letter stating what you have just told us - that you want to be there for her but it is making you miserable and angry. She might just read it when sober and it could help - you never know. (might help you to write it down and draw a line under it, too)

Pruni · 29/12/2005 21:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:13

I have cancelled all new years eve plans as I cant risk taking out of the house or having people round. I dont mind that, it's just so sad seeing her spiralling out of control.

OP posts:
hercules · 29/12/2005 21:14

I really advise speaking to al anon.

Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:14

i think a letter is a really good idea.

OP posts:
TreeFuses · 29/12/2005 21:16

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:18

Looks like ive got to toughen up, doesnt it? Ive had years of this but this is the worst ive ever seen her.

OP posts:
Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:19

Thanks all, i'm off to watch The shipping news, just to cheer me up!

OP posts:
ISawFrannyandZooeyKissingSanta · 29/12/2005 21:20

Lucy, I've been where your friend is and believe me, you can do nothing for her. By supporting her while she is like this you are actually making it less likely that she will sort herself out in the long run. So sorry for both of you

TreeFuses · 29/12/2005 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 21:58

Thank you for your honesty franny and Tree, I know you are right. i know what I have to do, I just have to pluck up the courage.

OP posts:
ShortAndStripySolsticer · 29/12/2005 22:20

Hi Lucy, I'm sorry to hear you're in this position. It is extremely hard, I know. I cut off contact with my father earlier this year because of his alcoholism. I tried to bear in mind that he hasn't called me once during or following separtating from my (x)H because of the selfishness alcoholism brings. Sadly, I know that he has had alcoholism for about 30 years and that in this case, it is highly unlikely he will be able to change now. All I could do was to remove myself from the situation (repeatedly dissapearing, sporadic drunk emotional contact etc) and concentrate on my life and my children.

I feel that the most unfair aspect of alcoholism is that though the person with the disease becomes selfish, it is everyone around them that feels selfish, guilty and whatnot.

I think what the others have suggested is the right thing to do, frustrating and saddening as it is. I think it is probably the most positive course of action open to you.

Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 29/12/2005 22:50

Thank you, im sorry about your father but your post sums it up for me. You are right, I do feel selfish and it's her that is making me feel this way.

OP posts:
Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 31/12/2005 09:14

Just a quick update, after a good day yesterday where she only drank 2 glasses of wine, a vodka and a brandy (Spanish measures of course) in our presence, I have now recieved a phone call asking us to come and collect them and move them to another hotel. God know what has gone on but it looks like shes been thrown out of a 5*GL hotel. Thank god she is going home tomorrow night!

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Original poster
spruceylucy5 · 31/12/2005 09:57

looks like they wouldnt serve her and she kicked off, her poor husband!

OP posts:
myrrhthamoo · 31/12/2005 10:23

What a nightmare, lucy. Do they live in the UK?