Dry nights

[Sarby]

My daughter is 3 years old and has been toilet trained since she was 2 very successfully - we didn't really have any problems with doing it. Getting her dry at night seems as though it's going to be a lot more of a problem and take a lot more time and I can't seem to stop myself from getting stressed out about it. A couple of weeks ago I thought it would be a good idea to just 'go for it' and I whipped her night nappy off; I thought I'd just have to keep explaining to her to wake up and use the potty if she feels she needs to go and I'd have to put up with the wet sheets, pyjamas etc. However, things weren't happening as planned as she loves her milk before she goes to bed so undoutedly she was going to continue wetting through the night - does anyone think it's best to firstly cut out all night time liquid before taking off the nappy? This in itself is going to be a hurdle so maybe I should take it one step at a time!! Please can someone let me know what to do......!?

Hi Sarby

Both mine have been dry in the daytime within two weeks of their second birthdays - but at night my eldest was five before I even bothered taking her nappy off and I have no intention of taking my nearly three-year-old's nappy off until she begs me to.
They both have a cup of milk in bed each night while I read to them - something that I thought would make dry nights impossible. But she never wets the bed.
I'm all for leaving it until they mither you to take the thing off - I lifted her for the first couple of weeks but then she didn't even do a wee then so I stopped. I always make sure she has a wee before she goes to bed. I know they say you're not supposed to, but there isn't a rule book on bringing up kids and it worked for mine.
They have iron bladders at that age - mine has her milk before she goes to sleep and is often up an hour before she goes to the loo in the morning. I've no intention of taking my 3-yr-olds off until she's a similar age - what's the point in having to change sheets in the middle of the night when, if they're older, they seem to crack it straight away? Most of my friends have done the same - with same result.

I agree with Rachel - my eldest's 4, still in night nappies.

It's funny what you say Rachel, as I've found daytime training more of a problem. You've been lucky with getting them trained by 2. I think it depends on the child too but I feel it's best when they can understand which goes for daytime and night time training.

My daughter was about 3.5 when she was dry at night and hardly any accidents.

Rachel who said you shouldn't let them go to wee before bed? Sounds silly to me. If my daughter has been within an hour of bedtime she won't go again and like yours sometimes she's up an hour or so before she goes, definate iron bladders!

Also with night time thing, pressure from grandparents saying things like their nappy smells so much in the morning.

When you are still having accidents at night keep a sleeping bag handy. Then you can just strip all the wet bed linen off the bed, dry off the plastic sheet and pop little un straight back into bed in a sleeping bag. Much easier than flapping around in the middle of the night with sheets and duvet covers etc.

I also take my son to the toilet just before going to bed. Works for him. Thinking about it, I always make a trip to the loo just before going to bed too, so I can't see that there's anything wrong with it.

sarby, is she a deep sleeper? because if she is there is no point getting stressed about it or even bothering much - it is almost impossible to wake them and when you do get them out of bed to potty or loo they are basically weeing in their sleep anyway - just not in bed.

if she is, you could try to increase her functional bladder capacity to help get her through the night dry; if every time she wants to wee during the day you can get her to practice holding on a few more minutes, her bladder will hold more and the signal to wee will come a bit later. hard to do with such a little one but maybe worth trying?

the sleep pattern also makes a difference - hands up anyone who's ever dreamt they were on the loo when they needed to go....and woken up just in time, if they were lucky, or slightly too late if they weren't???

if you cut late drinks right out it concentrates the urine and that also makes them more likely to go sooner, so while you could cut down a bit it probably wouldn't make much difference.

if she's not a terribly deep sleeper you do have a better chance, but if she's not ready developmentally you really can't do anything at this age; the bedwetting aids like buzzers aren't really meant to be used before 6-7. try not to get cross - she's asleep - she can't help it. (i am speaking from loooong experience of this!)

are you mostly bothered about it because you think she should be dry at night now? if so, then again, there really isn't any point getting stressed, it will only upset both of you...i have 4 kids and they have all been dry at different ages and stages, when they were ready, not when i was.

try leaving it until she's a bit older and then have a casual chat with her about it?

sarby - a ps - while a lot of them do have iron bladders at 3, they don't all! my cousin's son and mine are the same age; at about 5, hers wee'd twice a day and mine went every 2 hours!

Sarby, we waited until the nappies were almost dry in the mornings, at that age they were still SO heavy. I'd wait.

Sorry - I wasn;t clear. I meant that the books say you shouldn't life them rather than not let them go before bed. I don't think lifting them is a problem when they first start trying to go through the night - it gives them a boost to wake up dry even if they still had a wee in their sleep on the loo.

While we're talking about wee - my sister drinks her!! She has kidney disease and has seen huge improvement in her condition since she started doing it. Although she admits that it may be partly auto-suggestion - ie if you can handle drinking your own urine you feel so invincible that you somehow think yourself better.
She keeps saying I should try it - I was really ill a year ago and it's left me with terrible problems with my joints. I just can't bring myself to do it...
She sent me a book on it called the Golden Fountain, or something like that, which does argue the pros very well.
I just can't get away from the YUK factor.

My daughter who is 2 and a half suddenly announced the night before last that she wanted to wear her pants to bed! We had been doing lots of 'suggestive selling', telling her nappies cost a fortune, she didn't need them, big girls don't use them etc etc !! (sounds mad but it's amazing what eventually sinks in) So far so good, she has a potty in her room and when she wakes up in the morning she sits on her potty and yells to tell us!

My son who has just turned 4 is just out of night time nappies, don't worry about it, he has been out of nappies during the day for 2 years now. I waited until both of mine asked NOT to have a nappy on at bedtime, seemed a lot easier that constantly changing the bed.

Rachel, eeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuu!! Does she drink it straight from the tap so to speak or does it go through filtering or something, not that I'm thinking of doing it mind, just curious.

rachel, have to say i thought ewwwwww too!

is it a kind of recycling, because her kidneys don't work properly they get another go at processing it?

My first child , who is now 4+ still wears a night time Huggie. I refused to get stressed about it has I know it could become a real issue. It is always wet so she obviusly needs it. My second child is just 5 months so i don't need the wet sheets every morning. I can remember wetting the bed as a child and being so upset that I would not wish that on my child. I'm sure she will grow out of it in due cause and cannot see the point in pushing her only to have her possibly fail.We tried a couple of nights last Summer and both agreed to leave it until she felt a bit more ready.

Reading this I come to the conclusion that I've been soooo lucky with my son! However, talking to friends the conclusion seems to be that children go dry through the night when they are physically ready to do so. After all, if you're asleep how can you realise you need a wee until the wet bed wakes you (I've never really been convinced about bed alarms for this reason - surely they can only alert the child after the accident has already happened, which is too late to allow any behaviour modification?). A wee last thing before bedtime so that the child starts the night with an empty bladder seems like a good idea, but other than that seems to be just a matter of time.

One friend of mine was having trouble with her 4-year-old, and discovered eventually that he was actually waking up in the morning dry, but then couldn't be bothered to get out of bed to go to the loo so was wetting the bed when he was awake! Aren't chldren great?

azzie, buzzers do work, but the child needs to be old enough to get up and go, and it takes a while. initially the noise is too late to stop them, but they are conditioned by it, until eventually they will wake (well, the majority will) at the first buzz from the first drop, and then their brains are supposed to recognise the feeling and do it alone! also there is a subconscious tendency to stop weeing at the noise, even before they wake.
the tiny ones that fit inside pants are more efficient (and comfortable) than the big ones under sheets.

we first had a big one when my son was about 6 - it made such a loud noise it woke the whole house but it didn't wake him, even when we put it inside a biscuit tin!!!! which is why i asked sarby about deep sleeping...if they sleep like that it's a non-starter.

anyway 3 is still relatively young to be dry at night - i don't know the statistics off the top of my head but i'd be surprised if many more than half of 3-yr-olds are reliably dry.

Jan and Jac - I know, it's gross isn't it.
If you really want to know she takes a sample mid-stream and dilutes it with Evian!!!
It's actually full of electrolites and hormones etc which are really good for you - apparantly wee isn't actually a waste product as long as you eat and drink healthily, don't smoke or take any drugs (prescription or recreational). Kind of rules out three quarters of the population!
Advocates reckon it helps the body to rejuvenate itself. Is all very Sara Miles.
She started off with a tea-spoon and now has a small glass each day - she does seem better but will be v interesting to see how she gets on at the hospital next time. If the tests come back showing improvement it'll be the first time in years.
I'm not convinced though ... but hope I'm proved wrong.

my son is 5 and wears trainer pants at night. i've tried lifting and found he usually wet the bed either before or after this (and sometimes both). i've also tried a reward chart on the suggestion of my GP but that hasn't made any difference. however she also said not to worry, it's still quite normal at this age. i did get them to test his urine as my friend had the same situation with her son and eventually discovered he had an infection that was irritating his bladder and making him wee. i think the most important thing is not to make them feel bad or different about it - he's very matter of fact about wearing "special pants" at night. i'd wait before getting a referral but at the same time i'd love to find a way for him to be dry thru the night.

maggles, if he's not bothered (yet) then he's fine. 5 is still relatively young - there are percentage charts for how many are still regularly wet at a given age and for 5 i think it's something above 20%. parents and kids tend not to talk about it but in the average reception class i should think at least 1 in 5 are wet at night at least some of the time (which is possibly worse than a regular wetter as you never know when or if they'll be wet.)

does he wee frequently during the day? my son did this and it meant his bladder expected to be emptied at similar intervals during the night. you can train the bladder, with a little extra fluid during the day and holding on a bit longer each time they want to go, to hold quite a lot more before it sends its message. (but a 5-yr-old probably won't remember while he's at school so you'd have to work at it on weekends.)

my bedwetting son, we found, first wet quite soon after he went to sleep even having emptied his bladder before he went to bed. so even lifting doesn't necessarily help. personally i think dry beds, and a casual attitude, are more important for everybody then dry bottoms and stress, and huggies dry-nites come in a larger size that goes on for years! but if you want to try him without, it's a good idea to put a small plastic sheet (cot size?) over his bedsheet where he lies, and a small sheet tucked in at the edges across that, so if he does wet you don't have to change the whole thing - get a supply in!

My son is almost four, and I have never considered putting him to bed without a nappy. (He has been dry in the day for two years now.) He sleeps well for 12-13 hours per night, and his nappy is usually pretty wet in the morning. (And sleeping has caused us problems in the past). I don't have a problem with this, and am happy to wait until he shows some signs of readiness. He told me (at almost 2) that he didn't want to wear daytime nappies, and was dry practically from the word go - so I'm leaving it to him.

A friend of mine took her daughter out of night time nappies at about 2.5, but it is still 'an issue' for her - she still talks about it, so it is clear that there are accidents at least weekly. In summer that's not too bad, but she's been doing all that extra laundry for almost two years now - I just can't see the point.

OK - confession time. I wet the bed until I was at least 8. it was a big issue all through my childhood, and I think led to the breakdown in the relationship with my mum. In those days, we didn't have disposable nappies, and I know for a lot of the time she didn't even have a washing machine (& 4 kids) so I can sympathise now. Speaking from the childs point of view, please try not to make a big thing about. They really can't help it. i never even knew I'd done it most of the time. Another please, don't restrict drinks too much. I remember constantly feeling thirsty, and now don't drink anywhere near enough fluid, but it's very easy to get used to the dry mouthed feeling (I frequently drink only 2 drinks a day). Whatever you do, don't try & apply peer pressure. Telling friends about it in the hope you'll embarres them into stopping won't work and will just lead to a lot of unhappiness. Finally, they do grow out of it. I'd like to reassure all mums out there that I NEVER wet the bed now!
PS it's also quite often hereditary, ask dh whether he did!

debsb, me too. even longer! not all the time but i never felt safe sleeping out.
my mother was pretty good about it - and had a washing machine - i suspect she or a sibling had the same problem. it is so much easier to be understanding about it when you've been there yourself.

but the main thing to remember, if it is a problem, is THE CHILD IS ASLEEP!!!! IT CAN'T HELP IT!!!!!

rozzy - better get a stock of drynites in!
(it's not inevitable though - only 1 of my 4 has got it - they have all inherited my short sight though which is really unfair. but i wonder which they'd prefer to have (if there was a choice) - i've never asked them...)

Can anyone advise me where you can buy plastic sheets/mattress proctectors from for kid's beds? Have seen some from Jojo maman bebe but they're really expensive. Can't I get them cheaper from somewhere or is it worthwhile paying out for good ones? Thanks for your help.