where does this come from? i thought i was doing a good job ...sigh

[Tortington]

ds is 12. i am 33.

am not sure how this conversation started but somehow in pausing a film whilst looking for a pizza menu there was a conversation about how men can't be lesbian ( i swear only in my house) this then turns into ds saying that gay people get diseases because they are having sex. i said - yeah straight people do too, whats your point?

after going round the houses for a bit it turns out he reckons that hetros have to run the gauntlett to make babies - so i had to put him right and tell him that we have sex becuase its great fun actually.

to which he replies " well, xxx(ds2 aged16), his girlfriends mum and dad don't like black people"

an abstract answer.

we have been invited to their house for a party new years day - if i get pissed twill be very fking interesting ( hope my dh is bigger than ds's g/f's father)

so 2 points for my concern whilst looking for pizza menu. hope my very corruptable son with teenage sex hormones doesn't start with the racism bit to impress her family or i#ll knock him into next week ( term of fond endearment for northerners)

he's yanking your chain

going from a comment about homosexuality to one of racism shows he knows how sensitive both subjects are and he wants to get you riled

worked, didn't it?

sounds like hes been storing up these things to shock you and has decided to be brave to see what your reaction will be

bet his heart was thumping in his chest as he said the words

do you think ds2 will go along with the parents of gf to impress them? do you really think they are racist?

like twiglett says.

Oh dear... I would have PMSL @ him i'm afraid

Homosexuality and racism in the one night... your house sounds like an educational place

i meant ds1 w/ the gf. anyway - i dunno its a concern.

yeah he might be chain yanking - hes such a good kid, honest genuine that it just pisses me off. i cant be the only scally mum who isn't homophobic or racist - its bleedin rotten to think its a predominantly middle class liberal thing. feel like am always the one speaking out its depressing...i digress.

chain yanking - yes maybe as he's told me for a while ( we're catholic) he is bhuddist (ds2) fine i organised takiong him to a temple in brighton - if hes gonna do it - do it right -and i don't know what its allabout....he's declared himself now non bhuddist.

think i might just string him up by his little toe

They all seem to go through a 'homophopbic lite' phase, IME. They are not really homophobic but talk the talk, just in case anyone doubts their sexuality, which is a scaring them quite a bit as the old hormones rage. I see it as a way of them saying 'I'm *normal' me, tell me I am, pleeeeseee????'

hey good point MB never thought of it like that.

And they all seem to do it [sigh]

Wish they didn't but even the very nicest ones get the odd dig in, to 'prove' themselves. I find that once they have settled into being a sexual being, and the hormnes have calmed down a bit, they can dispense with it.

I agree with martian bishop. I also think he might be

1. stirring
2. warning you (about the possible racism cos he knows you don't like it) or
3. trying to get his older bro into trouble? (I can imagine one of those "if you tell mum that gf's parents are racist I'll kill you" type conversations that always leads to mum being told...)

My 6 year old said "Mummy, I am gay for Mexico." today. I wasn't entirely sure what response was called for, if any.

Make sure you update us on that party next week custy, a Mn collective waits with bated breath!
I think MB and others have it here with the teenage testosterone bravado thing. And as he is such a great sounding boy maybe he is trying to tip you the nod in advance that you might hear some offensive remarks - hope not though.
Scummy! That's a show-stopper...

Might it also be a bit of being brought up in a household where there is zero tolerance for bigotry and homeophobia, he is now confused because in the 'real' world, the one he inhabits day in day out isn't like this at all.

Your family values instilled with care over years of persistant messages, are now up for question. Those messages that he received and took for granted as being the only way to think are suddenly not the messages he hears from his mates.

As if that wasn't confusing enough, he can't even write it off as a generational thing because he now knows that people of your age also have these alien concepts too.

I think you've just reached the crossroads where your word is just not enough any more - where all the values come up for reconsideration, based on his wider experiences.

Now you can't totally contol the views that he reaches for himself, but you certainly can control how and what he expresses whilst he is living under your roof.

It is probably also worth remembering that some of these new ideas are just experimentation and your views have been core to him for far longer than anyone elses have been. I think the chance that he will turn out to be a racist homeophobic are rather low TBH

Message withdrawn

scummy - very funny!

thanks all,

found out its not the parents but the grandpa. so no awkward moments at party other than those you get at meeting your 16 yo sons girlfriends whole family and friends for the first time on new years eve.

My 14 yo DS is obsessed with people being gay, which he thinks is "disgusting". We have had countless conversations along the lines of people not being able to help how they are made, and they aren't hurting anyone else, and what's the big deal, but he still keeps on. My 16 & 18 yos have been through this phase and come out the other side. I think it's just a normal stage of puberty- like mb says.

I have visions of Mini-Scumster asking to go on a Princess Line cruise to Acapulco. I have clearly been reading too much Armistead Maupin lately...
or did he mean he is backing them to win the World Cup Scummy?

Agree he's either got the wrong end of the stick or-as general consensus- is trying to wind you up, but both myself and dh POSL at Parrupupumscum's ds' comment, and stringing your ds up by toe!

Hope party goes well, without racist comments and only minor embarrassment

I think it's a good sign, in its way - he feels comfortable talking to you about such delicate issues, when he's such a terribly delicate age.

Ok, he's talking to you about them, while winding you up, but still ...

Being gay for Mexico sounds like fun. I used to be gay for the Queer parade, as I felt it was my responsiblity to go, for all the closeted gay people who wouldn't. (Used to go to the Montreal one, with my then bf. Don't like the London ones as much.)

oh, I never realised hormonal boys go through an anti gay phase. Something else to look forward to...

sounds like your ds has been doing some thinking custardo, and when he talked to you, sort of forgot to link the two thoughts together as he spoke them.

Do you think he told you about the racist house to sound grown up, after you put him right on the sex issue? perhaps he was embarassed at getting the sex bit wrong, so wanted to show you he was in the know about his brother's girlfriend's family?

lol @notquitecockney or should I say notquitegay!