A shameless reworking of one I did before, will have to stand for my xmas card to you all
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
The children were sleeping, she clicked on her mouse;
The internet link she clicked on with care,
In hopes that Mumsnet soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of x-boxes danced in their heads;
And mamma had finished the wrapping of cr*p,
And Dp had settled down, he needed a nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
The Bl**dy neighbour was climbing my wall,
And his kids were yelling , they wanted their ball.
They?d wake up the kids, who needed their rest,
(I had long decided that GF knew best).
I shouted, I yelled, ?Go away, be a dear?
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
He parked in the M & Ts bay, his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Baka! now, Tamum! now, www and whymummy!
On, old cod! on Aloha! on, Rhubarb and Custy!
To the top of the porch! (gerrof my wall!)
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
This verse is meant for those who abound,
Who have debated the seasonal round.
Of questions about the traditional dress,
And not the Cola?s advertisement of this mythical pest;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a mumsnetter opening the boot.
Of her MPC, pulling out all of her loot!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he took out from below,
And I said ?don?t smoke in here, I?m PG you know?
He had presents and ?rabbits? with very odd shapes,
And gave me a bag of shoplifted grapes.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
?The Atkins diet is what you should be doing
And no more mince pies to be chewing?
He shook his head sadly, ? I need to be fed
My mum fed me nuggets? I heart fell to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
So he wasn?t a dp, they can be a jerk,
And pointing his finger towards the PC,
He Shaking his head said ?Oh dear me,
I can see that you waste too much precious time
Chatting with friends you have met while
On line
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."