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Original poster

Boyfriends and girlfriends at 6?!

18 replies

TurkeyGang · 23/12/2005 11:42

I know..it's a different world now and all that, but does anyone else find the suggestion of young children calling their friends of the opposite sex 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends' a bit bleurgh?

Dd has a friend who is a boy - he thinks she's his girlfriend. So, apparantly does his mother. I am rather bemused by this considering he's 6 and she is 7 - sort of sexualising their friendship. I HATE that!

I've noticed this again and again with parents whom I respect in every way but can't fathom why there is this allusion to a more grown up type of relationship between their children in a nudge nudge kind of way even though of course no-one expects more from it than that. It spoils the perception of childhood friendship I think.

Even though we live in a world that seems to want childhoods over and done with in 5 minutes flat, what surprises me is the approving nod in that direction from some of the parents themselves.

I'm not naive -I've fallen out of many a taxi and party at 4 in the morning myself and got into a few predicaments. I know I'll have to cover sex, drugs and rock n roll sooner rather than later with my children; it's not going to be all swallows and amazons for them until they're 18. I just don't like the boyfriend and girlfriend thing so young; I've even heard it at pre-school fgs!

OP posts:

hana · 23/12/2005 11:46

my dds had their pictures taken at venture a few days ago and one of the things the photographer did to get dd1 to laugh was ask her who her boyfriend was and did she ever kiss him? she is only 4 and I was quite taken aback - didn't say anything at the time, but don't think this is the approach to get little kids to laugh and smile for a camera
now venture, that is another thing altogether.....

Kelly1978 · 23/12/2005 12:11

I don't think it's such a big deal. Children of that age use it completely innocently, its the adults that are seualisign the term, the children simply don't see it that way. I can remember that at primary school and it meant nothing really.

hana · 23/12/2005 12:14

of course it's the adults sexualising the term , but I don't like it

colditz · 23/12/2005 12:25

I had loads of boyfriends when I was 6. The kids just mean friends, it's the parents making a big, stupid, awkward song and dance about it.

Most little girls, when refering to boyfriends, mean boys who are friends. Little boys don't tend to refer to girlfriends very much IME.

It's the parents being knobbish about it.

MerryMegandSnowySoph · 23/12/2005 12:31

I had my first boyfriend at the age of 4 his name was kevin P and had ginger hair we used to hold hands to kindergarten and everything (apparently)

DD1 has a best friend who is a boy they have been with the same childminder for 2 years and now are in the same class at school. I got a progress report from dd's school the other week saying that They are both to reliant on eachother at times

I had to pick her friend up from school last week, dd had left that day to go to scotland with her dad and when I came to pick him up I was supposed to be taking him to after school nursery he cryed and refused to go as dd wasn't there. It sounds like love to me lol dd says he's her boyfriend but I say he's just a best friend ho hmmm taking after mum me thinks

MerryMegandSnowySoph · 23/12/2005 12:32

dd is 4.11 btw

bauble99 · 23/12/2005 12:37

DS2 (5) has a girl(friend) in his class who he has decided that he wants to marry, as I've had to explain that he can't marry me!

This was his suggestion and TBH, I've only ever assumed that he is attempting to 'mirror' the relationships that he sees around him.

I'm not concerened about a 'sexual' element to this anyway, as since when has marriage had anything to do with sex?

MrsBigD · 23/12/2005 12:40

DD just 4 has a 'boyfriend'.. basically he's a boy and her best friend so yes they are holding hands and giving each other big hugs... but she does that with her 'girlfriend' too... a good friend who happens to be a girl

So I'd say... nothing to it.
Don't forget little kids are VERY litteral... X is a boy and a friend = boyfriend
it's a bit like when you call up a friend with a small child and ask if mummy is there... child says 'yes' and then there is a long silence until you say... can you get her please...

moondog · 23/12/2005 12:42

Turkey..I agree.Absolutely hate it and discourage it. I don't think anyone should be thinking about the opposite sex at all until the first year of the A level syllabus (rather like me).

Neither am I a cat bum faced old prude-am still falling out of taxis (providing I have a good babysitter and dh promises to get up the next day...)

Hey bubble,waiting on your Macca-tastic ditty.

Mistletoo · 23/12/2005 12:43

sexualising their friendship - oh come on!

Original poster

TurkeyGang · 23/12/2005 13:12

Moondog - you do make me larf!

I know the children are just being as sweet as ever - it's not them, it's sometimes the adults nudging things into a more grown up interpretation I don't like,I guess. Perhaps 'sexualising' was the wrong word.

Anyway - I shouldn't even be on here...

OP posts:

moondog · 23/12/2005 13:14

No,you're right on Turkey-needs to be said.

nikkie · 23/12/2005 14:20

My dd2 has a 'boyfriend' who she wants to marry and 'boyfriends' who are friends.
dd1 has a 'boyfriend' who she wants to marry and friends (who are boys!).

ohFennelyeHerbful · 23/12/2005 14:45

i had a fiancee between the ages of 2 and 6. we were going to get married, have a farm, a caravan, an estate car. then he (aged 7) went on to "big" school and dumped me.

can't really imagine anything less sexual. stupid maybe but very childish.

We3kingsofOrinocoare · 23/12/2005 21:21

my dd1 has a friend (a boy!) that she says she thinks will marry her. I'm quite bemused that you think this has any sexual connotation (sp?) - as bauble says, she's just mirroring what she sees around her and tying it in with someone she likes to spend time with.

BTW, I had a "boyfriend" at 5, and used to write in my story book about our wedding.... but I didn't have my first real boyfriend till I was 17!!!

DanceOfThePeachyPlumFairy · 23/12/2005 21:54

Yep, as I said on another thread mine were 'enaged' at nursery. they're engaged to completely different girls now (though Sam would I think have stuck with his original if we hadn't moved).

harmless, and in fact I think very cute.

All my rainbow Guides had boyfriends. it didn't mean anything: I don't think it's any different than playing house or cops and robbers- another imagination game.

Frizbethebumpedupreindeer · 23/12/2005 21:54

ss has had 3 different 'girlfriends' in the last two weeks, me thinks they may have been hoping for Xmas prezzies!

snowleopard · 23/12/2005 22:02

It is a bit revolting when adults encourage it, but it's nothing new. My sister had a "boyfriend" throughout primary school and both sets of parents thought it was hilarious. I don't think it's got anything to do with children "getting older younger" or modern sexualisation of children - more to do with kids emulating concepts they see around them.

A lot of childrens' tv and books, old and new, are actually about adults and their jobs and relationships (bob the builder, tobermory, hong kong phooey, deputy dawg, etc etc etc ad infinitum) - including romantic attractions. I've always found that a bit odd but it's definitely true.

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