Need honest advice please!!!

[GoodQueenSpursmum]

My best friend and me are very worried about her neighbours dd.This is long and complicated so please bear with me.
Deep breath.....and....
My best friends neighbour (we will call her Mrs S) has 2 dds (5 and 2) and she is having a lot of problems with them. The youngest (A for ease) has become a very fussy eater, the girl lives on chocolate, crisps and Nutrigrain bars. She will not touch anything else. Her sister (D) will eat anything put in front of her.
The problem is that Mrs S will give in and let her pig out on crap and will not put her foot down. It has become so bad that A will gag on solid food till she is sick.
Today a mutual friend had A and told her that she had to try a sandwich, A threw it on the floor and kicked the friend hard in the stomach when she picked it up.
A is now so skinny that you can see her bones, her eyes are sunken and dark and she sleeps for hours during the day.
It gets worse.
Last night my best friends boyfriend(still with me?) came back from work at 11pm and both girls were being bathed, had only just been fed at 10pm and were going to be in bed for midnight.
The girls are only getting around 7 hours sleep, A is falling asleep during the day for hours, D is falling asleep in class and today Mrs S went back to bed at 10am this morning leaving D to get both their breakfasts. The girls then let themselves out of their flat to ask a neighbour to make them lunch. Mrs S didn't get up again till 2pm!!!!
These girls are never in bed before 10:30pm and are woken up at 8am for school. D is always late, and Mrs S will dump A on the nearest available neighbour so she doesn't have to deal with her.
We are very worried about these girls welfare and are wondering if we should call Social services. We have tried talking to Mrs S and her dh but both say that they will change things but they never do. They have spoken to Health visitors and GPs but never take their recommendations. What should we do?
Sorry for the essay but things are getting out of hand.

After seeing the news today about that appalling couple who allowed their children to live in filth and were starving to death, I wouldnt hesitate to call SS.

You have to.

DH and I were talking about the case today and saying how could these kids have been overlooked.

Do it.

Yes. I think you should call SS, or if you still feel doubtful, speak to NSPCC or Parentline for further guidance. The overall picture you paint is pretty bleak.

How well do you know their day to day routine? if could be that sometimes they go to bed late, sometimes A won't eat proper food and sometimes Mrs S goes to bed at 10.00 am.

It seems like you know the family very well, so I am not doubting what you say, but are you positive that what you've descibed is the norm?

Definitely contact social services.

Is Mrs S depressed, or is this what she's usually like? If it's depression, it's worth contacting her GP about it to see if s/he can do anything to help.

You could try contacting the school as well. Teachers who see the older girl every day will definitely know if the tiredness and lateness is regular. I believe teachers are usually good at alerting social services to problems, and if they are wavering about doing this, your viewpoint will add weight.

Also, is there any familiy member you can contact?

Sorry - bu it's your moral responsibility to make a fuss and contact the authorities .... how bad would you feel id the children were the next headline on the news ?

PLEASE do something

If there is nothing wrong then the SS will see that.

Better to be safe than sorry.

My best friend live in the same block of flats and has known them for 2 years.
Mrs S is depressed (she says) and has been on ADs since the birth of A.
The routines has been steadily getting worse IYKWIM. Bedtime at 8pm then 8:30pm etc.
We have born the brunt of this lately. At every opportunity Mrs S will pass her dds off to someone else so she can either go off on her own or go back to bed. She asks my best friend to pick her eldest up from school because her ds is in the same class. Not once or twice but every other day for 4 months now.
I live in the next town but when I am over visiting my friend she will ask me to have her dds. This has been going on since September so its becoming the norm.

sometimes the intervention of SS is the wake up call that is needed. You say that Mrs S and her husband acknowledge that things should change yet lack the commitment to make that change. If you are worried about the welfare of these two little girls-you should speak up.
SS will try and work with the family oon a voluntary basis-if this does not improve things for the children-SS will have to intervene on a statutory basis.

It sounds as if the poor Mum is in a terribly depressed state. Unless she shares a HV with your best friend, and you and bf could have a word with HV, it sounds as if the best thing is to contact SS. The Mum needs help, her daughters really need their Mum to have help.

well, if things are getting worse and worse, it sounds like Mrs S really needs help fast, so yes, I'd contact the social services to register your concern. Perhaps talk to Mrs S one last time before you do this? Do you think she understands that the school might pass on her details to the social services if her dd is persistantly tired and late? As her dd hasn't been at school that long, perhaps she hasn't made that link.

Please speak out. My brother's kids are adopted (from a family much worse than this, I should add) and I think it's imperative that Social Services know what it happening. The constant daytime sleeping suggests either drug abuse or depression to me - either way, she needs help and her girls do too.

We are going to try and talk to her one last time. We thought about drawing up a routine planner with her to help her plan her day a bit better and take off a bit of pressure but are not sure if she might take that as interference.
I'll get my best friend to have a word with the teacher as their kids are in the same class.
Do you think that her depression is why she hands off the kids so she can flirt with a waiter in a local cafe even though she says she is happy in her marriage?

I agree, it sounds likle the mum is in a terrible state and just no coping. have you asked her if she's okay, or that you're worried about her? Where's the dad?

i also think you must contact SS. SS's priority will be to keep the family together by providing mum with the support she very much needs.

Dad is self employed and spends far too much of his spare time with his biker friends.
Mum says that she is fine when we ask how she's doing but then says she would change some of the habits her dds are into but it's too hard when it gets to the battle of wills, then she gives in.

I've got to go to bed as the matchsticks aren't working anymore but please keep posting with advice. We need it.

If you contact ss they wont swoop in and take the kids away.

Tbh i think they will be able to provide more support and advice than you and your friend could reasonably supply anyway.

SS dont like splitting up families.

I would say contact SS as soon as you are able to, seems like these kids are going to have a bit of miserable xmas in any case.

Spursmum, I think you and your friend are doing a fab job helping this woman, but it really sounds like she needs professional help. I hope your friend's dd's teacher will take this to SS.

I think (IMHO) the flirting-with-waiters thing sounds like the kind of escapism/fantasy thing that can go along with depression and not being able to cope with what's happening in real life, especially if her dh isn't providing her with enough support .

she needs a kick up the arse or help

so call the authorities you are not qualified