help!

[Philly]

I know this is all going to sound really pathetic but I feel at my wits end,I so want to a good mother but I feel that it is all falling apart at the seams.I'm tired of arguing all the time of constantly breaking up fights of drivibng for hours each day to get to two different schools plus nursery the nearest of which is 10 miles away,I worry constantly about how DH hates is job an is worried about how secure it is,about my PIL financial crisis whuich has culminated in us remortgaging our house to pay off FIL business debts,my mother is estranged from me and my brother is backing off fast because he doesn't want to upset mother (long long story).Have just had horrid fight with DS1 (10) over music practice and have agreed with huge regret tha he can give up ,he says I forced him in to learning
that was the killer.Oh God when will it all end.

Poor you.

Don't think I can help much but I can sympathise over your dh's work situation. Is he actively looking for other work?

Also its no wonder you feel like you are constantly arguing with all that tim lost to driving and all those worries - don't beat yourself up about it. It's a shame about the music, but that's kids finding their independence for you! (I bet he has convinced himself that you "forced" him into it, but it probably isn't true).

On a practical level - there must be someone who lives nearby who also sends kids to one of the schools/nursery you do. I think some lift-share hunting is in order, just so you don't have to do quite so much.

Anyway. Sympathy, like I say.

Philly, poor you. There's not much help to be had for all this stuff that piles up on you from outside, is there?

If it's any consolation, I think most mums struggle from time to time, I think if we believed everything we read and saw on TV not one of us could live up to modern expectations.

I hope everything is fine between you and your dh, anyway, you haven't said otherwise, so hang on to that and don't let all this external stuff come between you. If you can sleep every night with someone you want to be with that is more than a lot of people can do, and perhaps can make up for a lot of other worries.

Philly, this does sound very hard, and no easy immediate solutions to any of it, it seems. Unless you can do something like a swap with another parent re the long-distance taxi service you are running!
If I were in your shoes, I would feel under pressure because the big pressures are actually in someone else's control, not yours. DH's job/FIL's business debts etc. Were you 100% willing to have your house re-mortgaged? Is there a formal agreement about getting the money paid back to you and DH? That seems quite a vulnerable situation to me, esp now DH's job is under threat. Have you talked to DH about how you will pay mortgage, or are you silently worrying and trying not to worry him about it? Might be best to have a clear and open discussion about how you will cope, and what safety-nets or contingencies you could put in place.
Use your time driving to learn a language or other new skill on tape in the car? At the very least it might help you through those longs hours each day with nothing to think about but your problems.
Do try to find some time to take special care of yourself in a way that suits you, it does sound like a very hard patch.

philly its nice that you should post - it makes mums like me feel a little normal. with family and work problems, kids causing grief and i have a hubby who keeps saying " it'll be alright" so relaxed hes practically horizontal.

your post could have been mine. i had a letter home from school - arrived monday - about ds (13) behaviour in a maths lesson. hubby work contract runs out in a year. and my boss being a complete crap head threatened the whole team with being made redundant unless we "produced the goods"

i lost the plot with the family last night and gave them all a telling off hubby included.

many sympathies - its not pathetic - oddly its rather comforting. and i hope things get better soon
xxxxxx

shall we start a W.W.I.A.E club?

sorry it has taken so long for me to post my thanks for all the support here,dh and I had a long chat last night and have decided reluctantly that we have to bite the bullet and move closer to school and his work (he also commutes 50 miles)I feel sad that we will have to leave the house and village but something has to give and in all honesty also feel a weight rising from shoulders(plus terror at thought of cost and upheaval!)
Janstar you are so right about going to bed with someone you love and who loves you it brought a tear to my eyes and custardo I'm in for any club!