Presents from relatives for kids but not us-ettiquete?

[Mergirl]

BIL and SIL have sent ds+dd presents (via PILs) but nothing for us. Not even a card.

Pretty sure this happened last year too, but MIL maintains their present to us was "mislaid".

I do find this a little odd-mainly not even getting a card! Dh and BIL don't seem to talk. BIL has seen the kids once (they are 2.3 and 5 m). I mean, not even a phone call from BIL after either of them was born. I can't imagine my brother doing this (but I have got a pretty good brother who adores the kids-he phoned this morning to ask if dd would prefer her mystery gift in blue or yellow!)

More importantly, do I send them cards and 3 presents as planned (one from each child + ourselves) or just the presents from the kids? Or label our presents as from the kids? Don't especially want to cause arguements and MIL is super-sensitive to slights to her sons.

(Should mention that their present is posh chocolate + coffee btw, so would nobly keep it for myself if need be )

So did they used to send you presents? I assume they don't have children? I personally would send them one present (either to share or one each) from the whole family.

My SIL + BIL are doing this, this year. But they have told us ahead of time, which makes it fine.

I'd just send presents as you would normally. Do they generally get thoughtful things for your kids?

I would just send the presents together and label it from 'The Smiths (or whatever your surnames is!)'. Or buy a box of Quality Street and keep the choc and coffee for yourself

Hmm Examing the evidence BIL doesn't want to offend becasue there are pressies for the kids
but nothing for you so..

I'd say that they've decided that they don't 'need' to do adult presents to you. (Quite a lot of my family only do the children but they usually do it with an explanation so there is no embarrassment.)

No card is not so strange if you are going to see them over xmas at all but otherwise probably just another example of men being crap at christmas (could bil have left it to his dw who assumes that as its his brother he should do it??)

Verdict: Give the kids presents not the grownups. Send the card and keep their present back in case they suddenly appear at the door bearing gifts

But that will be their name too! Its her DH's brother! But think we agree on this one.

Last post was in response to Hayls.

I don't think Mergirl's BIL has kids. If they did, yeah, shimmy's advice is what I would do (and am doing, actually).

It's a bit more tricky, with no kids to give gifts to.

Good point about the surname, Bozza! Ok, this is a bit sneaky but I would hand the present over and say 'Oh, I don't know where the tag has gone but you know who it's from anyway!' (I'll skulk away now)
But still keep the best bits for yourself

Ta, this is good advice. Think I will just give a big joint present from the kids and us.

Won't use surname. we double-barelled it when we got married and this really winds BIL up, to the point that he acts offended. he is a bit of a prat generally, tbh. he won't talk to me because I am vegetarian and he wouldn't know what to say.

I mean I really don't mind, especially since, prior to meeting SIL, BIL tended to get "us" a nice computer game (I don't play games, and he knows it). Once "bought" me a sample pack of liquor chocolates (had "not for resale" on them!) when pg with ds. Also I do have friends who do this-but there would be an adult's card. Also-its dh's only brother! I wouldn't mind from an aunty or something.

Am very tempted to find an excuse not to send the chocolate though. Its this stuff . Nice tin of Quality Street sounds good. Extra toffees .