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Original poster

Help! Dilemma over Birthday and Christmas pressies (explain all in message)

28 replies

west3 · 20/12/2005 10:18

Help - dd's birthday (she'll be 5) is on Thursday and in laws have just delivered her pressie ready for the big day. Despite me telling them oodles of times what we have bought to cover both birthday and christmas what they have bought for her birthday is exactly the same as what we have got as her "big" present from Santa. Haven't got time or transport to be able to go and get something else. Any suggestions welcome.

Other problem is they have bought clothes for ds (6 months and big for his age) that are age 0-3 months from a shop that doesn't exist near us. Don't want to hurt feelings but starting to get frustrated.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 20/12/2005 10:20

phone them and tell them

control freaks

OnZephyrstDayofXmas · 20/12/2005 10:23

I'm totally with you on the xmas/birthday thing. I haven't had it yet although dd will be 4 on xmas day, but my Sister's b'day is 10th december and her Dad's parents used to do this every year - whatever she had asked Santa for they would go and buy for her birthday so that they could 'win' for want of a better word!

It used to drive us mad because it kind of took the edge off Santa. Can you tell them that she went to see Santa and asked him for this thing and she is really excited about him bringing it?

I know it's really awkward to do though

Twiglett · 20/12/2005 10:23

make it their problem I mean

am in grumpy-lump mood today

harrumph

Original poster
west3 · 20/12/2005 10:31

Thanks for responses so far. Big problem is that she will have to get the pressie from them or there will be nothing from them to open on her birthday. So it falls on Santa to be the one bringing disappointment - she hasn't asked Santa for anything, just surprises. The big surprise will now be that Santa will only be leaving a book, a packet of chocoate coins, some hair bobbles and some smellies. I know you shouldn't encourage them into wanting "big" pressies, but it doesn't look much when you put it under the tree.

OP posts:
acnebride · 20/12/2005 10:35

Am gobsmacked.

sorry that's no use at all but what are some people like??

charlietherednosedpussy · 20/12/2005 10:36

Well that would irritate the hell out of me and I would make it their problem to get something sorted. Tell them now so they have a couple of days to sort it.
Some people.

charlietherednosedpussy · 20/12/2005 10:36

Well that would irritate the hell out of me and I would make it their problem to get something sorted. Tell them now so they have a couple of days to sort it.
Some people.

Original poster
west3 · 20/12/2005 10:43

I would take great pleasure in telling them exactly what I think, but dh is actually defending them saying it was an honest mistake and not to worry we can return our version after Xmas. Yes, we can return our pressie to the shop but it still doesn't change the fact that dd will be disappointed. Maybe Santa will have to leave money for her to go and choose something. I wouldn't be so angry if we had bought her more bits and pieces but we were trying to be a bit more economical this year. Other issue is that in laws live 200 miles away and so are in same position as me regarding makingit right.

OP posts:
Original poster
west3 · 20/12/2005 10:47

Clothes issue for ds is annoying but manageable. However think there might be an ulterior motive. Sister in law is due baby boy in march and I am passing on clothes that ds has grown out of, I wonder if mil thinks that i will pass the xmas pressie straight on instead of trying to exchange it. Am I sounding like a bitch now?

OP posts:
Twiglett · 20/12/2005 10:49

at 5 you can get away with that from Santa I think

but if you don't raise something with them now then they'll do it again ... and again .. and again

it shows a lack of thought for their DIL and grand-daughter .. tell them

fireflyfairy2 · 20/12/2005 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
west3 · 20/12/2005 11:14

FFF2, in-laws are away back home again so it is down to us to sort out the problem and it looks like dd will get the birthday pressie as delivered and Santa will have to write an IOU or leave money.

OP posts:
QueensSpeechEagle · 20/12/2005 11:24

If you made it crystal clear what you were getting for xmas and they have gone and got exactly the same - then it IS their problem. I would tell them that you will buy something you know she will like, wrap it up and label it from them. Then after xmas has all died down you can take their duplicate present back and get a refund and either get something to replace it or bank the cash in an account for her.

Agree that if you don't make a stand now, it will happen again and again in future years.

annh · 20/12/2005 12:05

If you have indeed told them oodles of times what you are getting for your dd, then it is not as your husband says an "honest" mistake. I know it's difficult and if I had to do it I would probably feel sick beforehand but I WOULD call them, thank them graciously for the gifts and then launch in the "unfortunately" bit. Make if clear that you cannot give the birthday gift to your daughter and ask if they wish you to buy something else instead and what they wish you to do with the original gift which they have so sadly obviously forgotten is the exact same item which Santa is bringing? The too-small clothes for ds are annoying but I might be tempted to just leave that to one side and sort out the larger issue first.

crunchie · 20/12/2005 12:12

Inlaws do these things INHO.

a coupld of years ago I had a conversation with MIL which went like this
'Dh is planning on buying me a food processor which I REALLY want'
MIL 'oh no you don't want one of those, you want a hand help blender thingy'
Me 'I have one of those, I want a food processor'
MIL 'No no I only use mine to chop cheese, get a hand held'
Me 'well hopefully DH will buy me the food processor as I have the hand held one'

Christmas day dawns and we open pressies with MIL, I open dh's first and as requested there is a food processor. MIL face falls and she gets all upset, and says 'Well you won't want my present then', I say 'don't be so silly' and open her present.

Yes it's a hand held blender thingy!!

Guess who felt bad and ended up apologising?

I give you one guess and it wasn't MIL!!

She did give me the recipt and I exchanged it!

DanceOfThePeachyPlumFairy · 20/12/2005 12:47

MIL has done this to us loads of times. We returned them all ourselves, or gave those we couldn't as birthday presents throughout year (DS's go to lots of parties!) and reimbursed him ourselves.
It is a control freak thing.

mummydear · 20/12/2005 13:48

is there something about in laws that wehn they have grandchildren they lose all sense ?

If you told them what you were getting fro Xmas then they got the same thing then it is THEIR problem .

You say that DD will have to have to open a present from them on her birthday , surely she doesn't have to have a present that day from them.

I know it is easier said than done as my MIL can be a bit funny sometimes, its as though they are competing for the childs affection, bout DD IS YOUR DAUGHTER YOU ARE IN CONTROL

Good luck I know how it feels .

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 20/12/2005 13:52

Don't give her the GPs pressie! Give it back to them and ask them to change it, same with babys gift.

fireflyfairy2 · 20/12/2005 14:51

My IL's asked me if they could buy DD a bike last year. I said no. She had nowhere to ride it and IMO a bike is something santa brings... what did she get?? A bike... I was livid..

mummydear · 20/12/2005 15:51

My Ils are getting DS1 a guitar for Xmas as the othr week he said he wanted one for Xmas, I explained to MIL that it was only because they were making instruemts at school and I think he is a bit young and there will be fights with his younger brother and there will alot of noise etc etc, but they have bought him one.

this week he wants a teddy bear for Xmas , he is 5 , they just don't listen.

I'm just glad we are at their place for Xmas so they can tell him not to be so noisy !! Perhaps I might forget to bring the guitar back home....

Bozza · 20/12/2005 15:53

Is it one of those electric ones? My MIL has bought DS one to have at her house. But every time he goes there she hides it so that he can't play with it and make loads of noise. DS goes searching around for it and then I have to settle him down. Infuriates me. Yes it is annoying, but why did she buy it in the first place?

mummydear · 20/12/2005 15:55

No a string guitar ,we already have a electric toy thing at home whcih I often hide !!

mummydear · 20/12/2005 15:59

Just to add electronic guistar brought by another member fo family for youngest DS , would never ever buy anything so bloody annoying !!!

Original poster
west3 · 20/12/2005 16:53

Thanks for all the replies. Have calmed down slightly (have been to see dd in her first school nativity play) and have decided to take the following approach - more to keep the peace and avoid having an upset dd on birthday/xmas. DD gets present as delivered on her birthday, our version will get returned after xmas or kept for nieces/nephews birthday next year. I will attempt to get an alternative from Santa when doing last minute supermarket shop on Thursday night, if not I'm sure dd will enjoy going and choosing something with Santa's iou. I am certain I told the ILs exatly what we were buying as I actually gave them the ELC catalogue with all my scribbles on it including huge crosses and bought written next to the appropriate items. DH has agreed to tell them of their errors after xmas when we do the thank you calls/emails - lets hope this does the trick.

OP posts:
Bozza · 20/12/2005 16:57

Think it would be better if DH rang them now and told them how much trouble it was causing you. Other than that agree with plan.