Can you help my dh answer a question for his NVQ please?

[NewBethlehemGirlwithsparkles]

He wants to know what are socially acceptable forms of distress.

So far he's got crying, reclusivness (sp). Is there anything else?

Anyone?

anger, bewilderment, helplessness

all good

thank you.....

incoherent, disorientated, not taking care of ones appearance.

varies by gender and culture eg crying is Ok for women, anger for men. In some Asian cultures, most public displays of emotion are not socially acceptable

Excellent.

Thank you very much!

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If you were , for example, made homeless and destitute and distressed by the earthquake in Pakestan, I think it would be socialy acceptable to be angry that you were left without shelter as winder arrived

No it's just one of a list of questions.

I wasn't so sure about anger but in his line of work I think it would be aceptable.

I was very distressed when my dh was diagnosed with his second (unrealated) cancer and I was angry at life in general for being unfair. That was socialy permisable I hope. Tough shit if not

Andger when distressed is amost impossible to suppress.

I was bloody angry when I lost my baby to a m/c

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I don't think that for one nanosecond we would judge those who are berieved from being angry? Would we? We live in a farking hard world if we do!

'Sorry mrs X your dd was killed by a drunk driver, you are distreesed but please don't be angry, that isn't socialy acceptable'

Being angry is part of dealing with grief. It is a natural process. Acting on it is what makes it bad

Point well made MB!

Sorry to hear about your dh and your m/c

The m/c was over 10 years ago now, thank goodness dd arrived on the 2 year aniversary of the m/c so it is a good day now.

I'm tense about dh atm as he has a check up day after tomorrow and I'm being an idiot about it.....just put it down to PMT

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I think that sometimes we expect too much of people when they are distressed. 'Stiff upper lip' and all that crap.

Ess, sorry, what is the trouble ? Not read anything so I'm rather clueless if I've upset you

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I ended up seeing the community psych nurse over dh's illnesses. The thing that she said to me that helped me most was that it was OK to feel angry. That if life is being unfair to you , you'd be abnormal if you didn't feel angry. Somehow being told that it was OK, helped me to stop feeling so angry IYSWIM.

Do you have anyone to talk all this out with? In the end I found I just couldn't cope on my own. I was PG and hormonal, dh had a life threatening illness, my DF had not libg died of cancer etc. Seeing the CPN was the best thing I did.....I just couldn't cope on my own any more.

It sounds as if you have more than enough reason to be angry, and you shouldn't beat up on yourself for feeling that way. No-one can cope with everything

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I hope that the move happens soon for you, having something like that hanging over you doesn't help does it? Always better to get stuff like that done, not waiting , dreading it.....dh is in the RAF so I have moved way too often! Waiting is the worst I think

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Bloody unavoidable I'd have thought!

I think anger tends to be more acceptable for men, crying more acceptable for women.