worried about childminder-poss paranoid?

[chocolatemummy]

Is there anyone out there who has had concerns about their childminder or who just wants to offer me advice?

what concerns do you ahve?

I am paranoid that my childminder doesn't like having my daughter and I'm not sure what to do about it, or if I am just being extra sensitive and nothings wrong

if she didn't like having her then i am sure she wouldn't!
what makes you think that?

well I'll try not to make it too long, it took my daughter quite a while to settle in with the childminder and I really thought at one point that she was going to say she couldn't have her but then she settled down and seems to be wuite happy to go to her now, has been for the past year almost. However, sometimes it feels like she never has a good word to say about my daughter. and it feels as though my daughter is the worst child she has ever looked after the way she says things sometimes.
Its making me paranoid and today I just felt like saying, lets forget it and I'll start somewhere else for the new year

she seems very affectionate towards another child that she looks after but she had her from 5 months old,she had my duaghter from one. and I worry that she just hasn't got5 a bond with my little girl and that upsets me

Hi chocolatemummy, I think you should go with your gut instinct, I wasn't happy with the first childminder my ds went to, nothing I could put my finger on, just instinct really, then one day I arrived at the usual time and she wasn't in , she hadn't called to let us know that she wouldn't be home or whatever, so I had to take the day off work to stay at home with ds, I looked that day for another childminder and found one who was wonderful, it took an awful lot off my mind knowing that he was with someone we were all happy with,

Hope this helps

Do not mean any offence to all the wonderful childminders out there who we couldn't cope without

Yeah I know thats the right thing to do but despite my concerns there are a lot of things I like about her too. I am really mixed up about it. I know my daughter can be a handful, she has just turned two and the tantrums are here and you can't take her anywhere at the moment because she won't stay in her pushchair she just wants to get out and run.However, she sleeps well, in her own bed, she eat well and just about anything from baked beans, carrots to olives and mackerel. She says please and she says thankyou and her tantrums only last about 10-15 seconds and if you just ignore her she gets up and just starts doing something else.
I have worked with kids before in a primary school and I know there are a lot worse than her.
The childminder is older and has been doing it for years, she lives very locally and cooks fantastic homemade dinners for the kids. ..

I would say go with your gut, Fantastic meals are not the only thing that will make the children happy, they need attention, cuddles and lots of patience. It is good that she or you seems to be encouraging the manners. It is surprising the amount of children who dont know about manners.

Where are you chocolate?

Can you explain a little more about the things she says? Does she try to work with you to improve things? Or not give you any guidance at all?

Does your childminder actually say directly negative things about your dd to you? I'm a childminder myself and, over the years, I've certainly had some children with "challenging behaviour" (and the rest!) I obviously had to discuss certain issues with the parents, but tried to ensure that it was a constructive chat, and not a "your child is a monster" kind of chat.

Would you be able to ask minder direct if there's a problem?

I am probably just over reacting or being too defensive but sometimes she'll say things like
"you can't take her anywhere can you.."
"I have never known a child so strong willed"
" she is not talking very much, i think you let her watch too much TV"
It's really annoying because, yes she does watch Quite a lot of Tv, I have to get things dome like ironing, cleaning etc but then I also take her to toddler group once a week, and Messy play session once a week, we do drawing and I make play dough often for her which she likes playing with, we play games on the cbeebies web site together and dance to music tapes together.
I think considering I am work almost 30 hours a week, I do lots with her and try to get her involved in things as much as I can.
she is a nightmare when you take to the shops, she hates being strapped in the pushchair or car seat but they all do at her age don't they?
I worked as a social worker for several years with special needs children and normal ability children and she has more manners and improvisational skills than lots of them three times her age. She is talking more and more its just a bit slower than some ?

I think that it is really out of order for your childminder to question your parenting. When I have minded children during the day, I am well aware that once they go home, there is a good chance they'll be happily watching TV/creating havoc because the parents are doing all the chores/dinner etc. The children will have had fun during the day, and can chill out when they go home. You're doing other stuff with her anyway!! It's one thing passing judgement - but she certainly shouldn't tell you.

However, if some of her negative comments (about difficulties being out anywhere or being "strong-willed") are confirming what you have already know, then maybe she just isn't saying them in a very nice way. Perhaps she thinks it's OK to say them? Do you say them to her? I always think that I'm allowed to say negative things about my child, but woe betide anyone else who does!!

Despite that, I wouldn't ever say anything horrendously negative about a child to their parent, unless there was a real problem and it needed to be sorted out.

Would you be able to tackle your minder about it? If she is struggling with your dd, do you think she'd be honest if you asked her?