Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

Original poster

Is this fair or unfair?

13 replies

cranberryjampots · 14/12/2005 22:58

DD has wanted private drum lessons for a couple of months now or alternatively she wants her friend who's been playing for a couple of years to teach her and she (we) will pay him which I dont agree with.

DS came home from school last week with a letter offering drum lessons during school for £60 per term. He wants to play too although do wonder whether this interest has been sparked by his sister ;)

Anyway, dd has a riding lesson each week since she was 4 which is £15, she has an allowance of £5 per week (reduced from £10), we buy her clothes and riding gear too, and generally top up her phone. She had keyboard lessons for 2 years at school then just gave up despite buying a Yamaha keyboard, case etc. She has also had swimming lessons and done the rainbows/brownie thing.

DS has swimming lessons.

She is so angry that ds has been selected and thinks we are blatently favouring ds

OP posts:

Pixiefish · 14/12/2005 23:02

it doesn't look like it really. She has the riding lessons- he has the guitar. The only anomaly i spose is his swimming lessons which don't cost anywhere near her riding gear really. FWIW I think you're being very fair

FestiveFrex · 15/12/2005 04:01

Could you tot up what you spend on her and what you spend on him and then offer her the option of what she wants to spend the money on? If she chooses the riding, then that's fine. However, if she chooses the drum lessons, she would have to give up the riding.

Alternatively, her brother could always teach her .

Original poster

cranberryjampots · 15/12/2005 08:21

haha FestiveFrex - excellent idea!

OP posts:

PantomimEDAMe · 15/12/2005 08:44

It's not unfair in terms of money spent. But it is unfair in terms of dd wanting a specific activity and not being allowed it and then ds (who didn't want it?) suddenly getting the opportunity. Why haven't you allowed dd to have drumming lessons? Also ds now has two activities and dd only one - why?

I'm not saying you have deliberately squashed dd or anything, but I can see her POV.

PS I wanted to learn the guitar, my sister the piano. My mother bought a piano and then couldn't afford a guitar too!

PantomimEDAMe · 15/12/2005 08:44

and why is her allowance reduced from £10?

Original poster

cranberryjampots · 15/12/2005 23:31

dd has already had 3 years worth of swimming whilst ds had nothing - both of my children struggled getting the hang of swimming and I just think its more of a safety thing - to be honest ds doesnt really want to go but I insist until he can get hte hang properly.

DD used to get £10 per week allowance which she had to buy her non essential clothing ie. trendy trainers, tshirts, jeans etc. She barely bought any clothing for a year and I consequently had to put my hand in my own pocket (again) to refurnish her wardrobe. Its reduced now to £5 per week which she uses to buy magazines, make up, birthday presents for friends (ahem). We basically cant afford to throw any more money at dd and if we did then ds would have no opportunity for any extra curricular activity. As it is every Saturday is taken up with a riding lesson anyway (11-1pm) so he cant even get to play football or golf etc as these tend to be Sat mornings.

OP posts:

Original poster

cranberryjampots · 15/12/2005 23:35

In addition these lessons are school organised so £60 for the term. The private lessons are £10 per week for half an hour.

OP posts:

bobbybobbobbingalong · 16/12/2005 05:03

How old are both children?

Auntybrandybutter · 16/12/2005 05:48

I think its impossible to make all your children equal. they all have different interests and views. If she genuinly wants the lessons and you can afford it then give it ago if its a whim, dont.
I always wait till mine have gone on about it a bit before i commit!!!

Original poster

cranberryjampots · 16/12/2005 18:40

dd is nearly 13, ds is 9

OP posts:

bobbybobbobbingalong · 17/12/2005 00:14

Both old enough to understand that life is not always fair (and even when it is it still doesn't feel fair!)

NannyL · 17/12/2005 09:17

Sounds fair enough to em life isnt fair anyway!
My granparents always spent exactly the same on me and my sister.... if someone cost 5p more the other got a 5p coin as well (literally)

i personally think thats a really bad message. life isnt fair, but it does all even itself out in the end. I will NOT be bending over backwards to treat my children exactly the same, and im sure all will even itself out in the end!

I think your daughter seems to be jelouse, and if you were to give in to her it would seem like she was spoiled. Im NOT saying she is spoiled at the mo, but if she had a tantrum about it and you gave in and said ok you have ......., then she may become that way)

Nightynight · 17/12/2005 10:29

cj
it sounds as though your dd has already had more than her brother, so you are just evening things up a bit?
I try to keep things approximately even between my children, though as NannyL says, taking it down to the last 5p sends a bad message too.

also, I tend to buy things for the children when I see them, and just because I buy something for one child, doesnt mean I have to buy 4 presents! Children do get angry from time to time and accuse me of favouring somebody, but I am pretty sure that they are all approximately even in the spending stakes.

Flip