Is it rude to...

[emkana]

... go and stay for several nights at somebody's house (friend or relative) and not bring any presents when you arrive, not even for the children?

If you don't think this is right, can it be put right by then buying small treats while out and about during your stay, and by paying for a round of coffees once?

They're getting free lodging - if they're too skint to stump up for a nice host gift they should stay at home.

If I was too skint (as always am ) I'd make a thank you card. At least it shows you care. Skint is no excuse

PPF, totaly agree. It really is the thought that counts in this sort of thing.

We stay with friends pretty often, and have them to stay with us. Bottles of wine or cans of beer is the norm here.

If visiting someone I knoww less well, as a one off say, I would take a drink, chocolate and/or flowers.

we have fmaily to stay all the time, we don't expect anything at all. normally thou who ever's stopping will buy some food/take us out for dinner or something.

(i'd rather have food tbh if they're gonna leave anything)

that said thou, even if they didn't leave anything just a thank you does me.

Dh and I often go and stay with an old friend in England - we can't afford to pay for holidays and have previously stayed in her house or borrowed their trailer tent and stayed nearby. In return, dh cooked meals, babysat all four kids whilst bf and I went out for coffee, took her kids out with us for trips etc. We are usually so broke that even arriving with presents is a bit beyond us, once we have paid our petrol down there, but on the basis we would be eating at home anyway we have no excuse not to buy/cook meals! I don't think they feel we should bring presents (they keep asking us back so we can't be that offensive )

Does that make me very rude then Malory?

I think helping out in some way is always appreciated - washing up , looking after the kids.

When we have stayed with people we have taken wine or shouted them coffee or a meal depending on what is happening, always sent a thank you note/card afterwards, offered to help out with washing up etc.

I would not expect presents. I would be delighted if they bought wine for dinner, small treats and pitched in with cooking etc. I wouldn't invite someone unless I wanted their company alone.

My Mum always took gifts and treats when visiting and now I do too, its how I was brought up.

Agree with Aloha.Wine and a willingness to pitch in would be all I wanted (like my kids need more plastic crap?????)

I don't know why my sisters and I ever bother to entertain (which we do a great deal). We invariably feel that people have Taken Advantage afterwards...