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Original poster

Ok so I am upset/hurt and angry due to petty fall out with 'friend'

28 replies

MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 16:19

There's I've said it. I've been bottling that up since friday night.

she's dp's sister - he says he understands and knows what she's like but when I asked if he thought I should say anything to my friends about how I was feeling he said he didn't think I should. So now I'm just dwelling on it and the more I think about it the less upset and the more angry I become.

just needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:
hativity · 07/12/2005 16:23

sorry you've fallen out. was it you who'd been worrying about nye and your friends wanting you to do something you didn't? and putting pressure on you. Sometimes it takes a fall out to give a friendship breathing space - you step back and re-assess a bit. If it's a good friendship you (both of you, I mean) will work it out. If it turns out it wasn;t so good you'll maybe become friends again but a bit more distant (happened to me with a teenage friend). sorry you're miserable now

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 16:34

It was with one of them yes, dp's sister.

We went out for our annual christmas meal and everyone was having a fine old time. I wasn't drinking much as was knackered but nobody noticed. I'd only had 2 glasses of wine. They were all drinking taquila slammers

Anyway she suddenly started saying that I had been really bitchy to her one night after we'd been out (ages ago). God this sounds so childish. Apparently I had said her hair was horrible (never ever would have said this - definitely not something I would say). So I said "OK, I'm sure I wouldn't have sai that but I'm sorry if I have said anything to offend you am sure it wouldn't have been meant in the way you took it"

She got all stropey and walzed off to the toilet with another mate, left me sitting at table thinking - nice - they're stood in toilets and she'll be turning on the water works (seen it all before - she does it all the time, picks a fight with someone because they've been horrible to her then cries about it to anyone who'll listen)

I left

Anyway, sent her a text the next day to try and smooth things over. So she's saying I always put her down - WTF?!?!? I don't, I don't even see her that much but y'know I said well sorry if it seems like that etc etc trying just to smooth it over really but deep down I know that I'm not like that towards her so don't know why she said it.

Also if I'm bitchy all the time why did she mention something that allegedly happened on a night out at the begninning of summer?? why not something more recent? and if I had said it and she was that bothered why not say something at the time??

This came out of the blue about 5 mins after her best mate (who I used to be really close wiht) said to me "When are we, just me and you, going to go out for adrink like we used to"

My theory is that she is jealous that I used to be really close with said mutual friend - am cringing at how childish this sounds - sorry.

It's all smoothed over but I feel like I have apologised for something I didn't even do and she has made me look like a right cow in front of everyone.

Rant over. Just need somewhere to vent I guess as can't to friends without sounding like a right pathetic and childish tit.

Just don't understand it/her at all.

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Original poster
MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 16:35

so long sorry - not sure where all that came from. Days of frustration I guess.

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MIstletAOU · 07/12/2005 16:35

Mascara, why don't you spill all on here? It can be so cathartic to write it all down. I have a similar situation with a "friend" who turned out not to be, which all happened almost a year ago now - I keep thinking I should just post it all on here and get it out of my system as I'm still losing sleep over it. I've done it before with other worries and immediately felt better for it.

MIstletAOU · 07/12/2005 16:37

I should refresh more often

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 16:37

just have and feel a bit better already!

Have lost 2lbs though through stress so not all bad

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MIstletAOU · 07/12/2005 16:41

I think you are right in your assessment MoH - she is childishly jealous and trying to hijack your other friend. Probably exacerbated by the drink. I can understand how much it must hurt, but I doubt whether other people are taken in by it (if they were, the mutual friend would not want to meet up with you on your own!). Some people are happy drunks, some are mean drunks - she's one of them.

Sorry that's a bit more abrupt than I wanted it to be - ds has just woken up

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 16:43

I also think that secretly she has issues that I am with her brother.. her and I were friends for years before I got together with him.

It's all so complicated. Feel like I have done myself an injustice by apologising for the sake of everyone else.

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Original poster
MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 17:53

Have been thinking on way home and do you know she's done this to most of the lads that I can think of and everyone forgives her.

I remember sitting across a table from a male friend a few months ago saying "You know what she's like, forget it, it'll blow over" we do we (collectively) let her get away with it?

I think she doesn't like it if she's not centre of attention either.

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Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 13:02

Mutual friend emailed erlier asking, what's up? - have replied saying I'm still very pissed off about Friday night.

Not sure if I should say any more than that if she prompts me.

Dp says I shouldn't say anything to either of them about it and that I should forget about it.

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Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 16:44

bugger just offloaded onto mutual friend via email. Am regretting hitting send.

I know I'm talking to myself but I don't keep a diary and obviously I have nobody I can really talk to about this. first time ever in my life I can see why it might be good to keep a diary. might try it next year.

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MIstletAOU · 08/12/2005 16:51

m am breastfeeding but will try to come back to this later tonight

chin up

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 16:52

lol thanks - don't worry though. Am just offloading. Friends are so valuable and this is a really weird situation.

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Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 16:53

ps. ahhhh breastfeeding - am so broody at the moment. Didn't breastfeed last time and feel I missed out!

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MIstletAOU · 08/12/2005 16:55

why are you regretting sounding off? Does mutual friend fall for dp's sis emotional blackmail?

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 16:57

Everyone does, well either they do or they just ignore it. DP doesn't but he is the most laid back person you could ever meet and def. just ignores it for an easy life.

Mostly she causes trouble with the men, because, I'm guessing, she knows they will be all apologetic. Think she has run out of men to do it to though now.

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Feistybird · 08/12/2005 16:57

even before I got to your assessment and the bit about her bf, I had decided that she envies you.

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 16:57

FeistyBird how did we manage topost at exactly the same second?!?

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MIstletAOU · 08/12/2005 17:00

how irritating

it won't resolve the situaation between you and her but can you just not see her socially for at least a time? what a shame you can't drop her altogether.

can you get mutual friend on side?

Feistybird · 08/12/2005 17:05

Oooohhhh spooky

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 17:07

I have resolved to not going out of my way to see her. I know that I am mature enough to just get on with her when we are in a group and I'm going to leave it at that.

I don't really want to get mutual friend on side, I would like to think that I am grown up enough to just forget about it and bite my tongue. I have decided that she is not a very nice person. It doesn't help that she slags all of the group off behind their back (so I know she will do the same about me). There's just the most childish part of me that thinks bollocks, why don't I just tell them. Why should I let people be fooled by it all! Of course I would never do this and I know it would make me look just as petty

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MIstletAOU · 08/12/2005 17:17

IKWYM Mascara (finished feeding now, can type with all my fingers ) - by being the mature and sensible one it means you don't get to put the story straight. Argh. I do feel for you!!!

Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 17:21

thanks for your understanding. making me feel better.

Want to offload about tat fall out you mentioned? can't believe how theraputic it felt!!

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Original poster
MascaraOHara · 08/12/2005 17:21

should be ... & making me feel better.

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MIstletAOU · 08/12/2005 17:47

Hmmm .... I might do. Thing is it would be difficult to spill without letting out some details that would make her identifiable to anyone who knows me in RL...May come back to that later! (Keep dreaming that I meet her and she is really pleased to see me...obviously haven't got it out of my system!)