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Other Parents

31 replies

Granard · 05/12/2005 15:39

I was in the shopping centre at lunchtime and noticed a small child (about 2) very upset and clearly tired and her Mum was just standing there texting and completely ignoring her. When she'd completed her text, she started walking towards the exit to the car park and didn't even look behind her. When she reached the door, she was at least 20ft ahead of her child who was left to run after her screeching Mummy. I followed and the Mother took a trolley, turned round and walked back into the centre with the child still running to keep up and still there was no interaction at all. I felt I should go up and say something but to be honest I felt nervous as she looked pretty rough and I was certain my interference wouldn't be welcomed. However, it's been on my mind since I came back to work and I feel I should have said something though even now I don't know what I would've said. I wondered what other people might do in a similar situation. Is it better to say something or mind your own business. Apart from the cruelty of inflicting such distress on your child, there was the danger element. The child could have been snatched in a second in a busy shopping centre. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
followthestarlover · 05/12/2005 15:42

i know exactly what you mean. I sometimes feel like going up and grabbing a kid and seeing how long it'd take parents to notice.
Some people shouldn't be allowed to reproduce

snowfalls · 05/12/2005 15:46

I would have said to her 'excuse me, you hav'nt seen a flustered looking woman have you a child over there has lost her mummy'

handlemecarefully · 05/12/2005 15:50

Ok it doesn't sound great at all...

but could it just possibly be that the mum was deliberately ignoring the child after said child had just had volcanic tantrum? Was the mum looking over her shoulder to check on the child?

I've walked ahead of a reluctant and difficult/ uncooperative child before (but constantly checking back over my shoulder)

SnowQueenVictoria · 05/12/2005 15:50

Difficult one. You dont know what went on before you got there.

2 year old couldve been throwing a huge tantrum over nothing and she was just ignoring her/it.

handlemecarefully · 05/12/2005 15:51

Great minds QueenVic

SnowQueenVictoria · 05/12/2005 15:52

2 seconds!

Scared for you though - my minds not tip top at the moment

merrymarchhare · 05/12/2005 15:54

I would definately mind my own business.

FlameRobin · 05/12/2005 15:54

I've had days when that could easily have been me DD is a nightmare, and it isn't until she is completely ignored (even my glancing behind to keep an eye on her has to be very subtle ) and thinks I am genuinely going without her that she will stop. And yes, it is usually when she is exhausted that she does it.

I had people laughing at me the other day as I hid behind a corner (peering round to watch DD) when she refused to get off one of those bloody moving car things that they dump outside tescos. Passers by seemed to find it highly amusing... me was less amused - pregnant, holding shopping with an evil child as a daughter.

crimbocrazydazy · 05/12/2005 15:58

Happens to me regular too, especially in shopping centres!!!

Was probably best not to say anything imo

SnowQueenVictoria · 05/12/2005 20:01

On a personal note - my 7mth DS only has two moods

super smiley happy and

hideous murder screaming fit.

When he is having said hideous murder screaming fit i tend to ignore him until im in a position to either a) change his nappy, b) find somewhere to sit to b/feed him or c) pick him up and give him a cuddle. All the above are not generally possible when shoving a shopping trolley out of the supermarket/shopping centre etc and i know i wouldnt appreciate someone coming up and assuming they knew the needs of my baby more than i did.

So, my point is, you just never know.

Apixelmascarol · 05/12/2005 21:54

I went in Borders the other week and there was a woman with quite a small baby (six monthsish)sobbing her heart out in her pram. The woman was calmly reading a book and totally ignoring the baby. She was still there when I left 20 minutes later! I could never have left my child in distress for that long, especially in a very quiet bookshop. I only left because I couldn't stand it any more and I didn't have the nerve to say anything.Like you Granard, I don't know what I could have said anyway.

I agree that it's different with a toddler though. These things become a battle of wills and if you show weakness you are doomed! I've done the hiding in the next aisle thing while my child has a tantrum and I've said "right I'm going now" and walked off in an attempt to persuade my ds to get up off the floor(didn't work though, he's more stubborn than me. Must get it from his dad!).

Original poster
Granard · 07/12/2005 16:51

Thanks for all your feedback. I think the main problem was that the woman never once looked at the child. She never once looked behind her to see if the child was following or if she was even still there. She acted as if the child had nothing whatsoever to do with her. If the child hadn't been screeching "Mummy", I'd probably have wondered if they were connected at all. But as people have pointed out, the events up until that point were unknown to me but nonetheless the coldness of the Mother was staggering and I can't even guess at what she might have been trying to achieve. I wish I'd thought of the suggestion to ask her if she'd seen a flustered woman who might have lost that child over there! Thanks again for the feedback.

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 07/12/2005 17:01

I also think it is easy to jump to conclusions. My ds will occassionally refuse to walk and I ahve no choice but to head off or drag him. I keep a ear out and an eye in the corner of my eye, but plenty of times he's been accousted by people thinking he is lost and I have to go and 'recover' him.

It's the same with babies. I've sat reading and ignored my two before now when I've tried everything to settle them and nothing works. Spent half hour on a train getting evils because they were both bawling their heads off, but I couldn't exactly sit their bouncing two up and down on my knees for the whole journey.

twirlingaroundthechristmastree · 07/12/2005 17:05

Ignoring bad behaviour is a standard discipline technique, isn't it?

I certainly wouldn't have intervened. Even if the woman happens to be a bad mother - or a good mother having a bad day - how would being criticised help things at all? More likely to backfire on the child I would think

Passionflowerinapeartree · 07/12/2005 18:11

As I'm often to be found hiding from screeming DD3 I'd say best not to intervene.

It's mortifying enough without complete strangers interfering. She may have looked 'cold' but maybe she'd just had enough and this was her way of dealing with it, better than losing her temper.

zippimistletoes · 07/12/2005 18:17

I've done the take no notice mode of discipline and/ or the if I don't get out of the house with a screaming baby/child I will go mad..so going somewhere public to a quiet place like a bookshop or just to get on with things in the sc might have been something I'd do. I'd not be tempted to second guess either cscenario

TreeFuses · 07/12/2005 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MascaraOHara · 07/12/2005 18:23

Sorry but sometimes I look 'rough' when I go shopping. I also ignore bad behaviour. You could be talking about me but never ever would my dd be out of my sight of hearing.

Everyone has a bad day sometimes, why are we always so quick to jump to negative conclusions about people?

Do we want the world to be awful? where it's assumed that everyone having an off day is a child abuser or a bad mother?

You can't judge someones parenting skills because they look rough.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.

Tortington · 07/12/2005 19:15

when my kids were little i had more bad days than good - coping barely. and my kids were good. they are good now.

i understand that at first sight we judge people - we do even if you say you dont you do. whether you say it out loud or not is a different matter

your a pessamistic bunch of bastards on here. and i dont beleive that for one minute you're heavenly parents never having a day where you could joyfully just sit down in the middle of the room and give up.

well i care to think that woman had enough - the kid was a bastard all day and she was texting her husband to say " im coming home now and your cooking tea"

who should be steralised? what are the guidelines here?

i think even if you do think like this you should check yourself and think - jesus i've had one of those days. yes you may have handled it differently but that doesnt make her a bad person.