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Original poster

Who are the men on Mumsnet?

74 replies

Rhubarb · 16/10/2003 16:16

I know that we have Tom, Dadslib, SimonHoward (although he should be in missing persons!) and now we've got BearintheBigBlueHouse. I can't help but feel curious as to who these men are. My dh, whilst a very doting father, wouldn't dream of going onto a discussion board or parenting website. He never discusses his private life with anyone other than a couple of close friends. He wouldn't dream of posting for advice or to offer an opinion on parenting. And to be honest, most parenting sites as Tom said, are mainly set up for women. So you men, just to satisfy my curiousity, who are you, what do you do and why do you post on these forums?

Here's my thoughts based on the postings by each man.
Tom - quite good-looking, works with people, opinionated but reasonable, would probably suit a social services job (depending on how you view social services!).
Dadslib - a woman just trying to get out! Probably resents having to stay at home and only surfs the web out of boredom.
SimonHoward - a bespectacled accountant who cannot do enough for his missus, a bit like that mc bloke from wife swap!
Bearinthe.... don't know enough about him yet, but probably not bad looking and again, works in a people job. Does more than his fair share of the childcare because he likes doing it, wants to be hands-on all the time. Probably to be seen on the high street with the baby in one of those back-packs.

So how right/wrong am I?

OP posts:
StuartC · 16/10/2003 22:05

Not you !!!

tigermoth · 16/10/2003 22:14

you know, as we all have nicknames here, it would be totally possible to post without revealing your gender or sexual orientation. You would have refer to your partner as dp (big deal, lots do this already) and avoid some of the give away discussions, but people who post here choose to reveal if they are a mum or dad. They don't have to. I didn't realise Bear was a dad - it came as a lovely surprise.

How many women post regularly here? 1,000? more? HOw many others lurk? Many must have told their partners something about mumsnet. There must be thousands of dads out there who know this discussion forum exists. So where are they? If my dh posted on a similar forum, I would read his posts and replies to them out of curiosity and interest - he is my closest friend after all. I'd want to know what fired his passion. How can huge swathes of male partners just ignore this site? I know my dh is not an internet person and won't even email anyone, but his extreme views are not majority ones, surely.

Clarinet60 · 16/10/2003 22:18

'One of the newcomers' eh? ooh, fighting talk if ever I heard any!!!

tigermoth · 16/10/2003 22:20

Just for the record, my dh got totally carried away one morning and read nearly all of a recent religion thread (a mean feat). He sat hunched over our computer, lost in thought for hours. I thought he was hooked. No such chance, though I think the depth of the discussion impressed him.

Where is simon howard?

StuartC · 16/10/2003 22:27

Hi Droile
It's easy to put an author's name into the search board to see the history of all their postings.
It's certainly not meant as fighting talk, but I have an opinion about anyone itching for conflict when they've never been on this site before.

aloha · 16/10/2003 22:30

I never realised Bear was a dad either!

tigermoth · 16/10/2003 22:30

Also, I agree with enid - I do find it unsettling (sometimes) if a man posts on here about his relationship with his wife or his views on relationships etc. I know that could be construed as sexist, because lots of women post here without their male partner's intervention. It's just that this is a female dominated forum (I wish it wasn't, but the fact is that it is) so I feel uneasy discussing some issues with a man if it's deeply personal stufff about his wife. It seems intrusive, because I know I wouldn't want my husband to go on the internet and discuss me in depth with other women.

I'd really like the female partners to post just occasionally even, something along the lines, it's ok, I know, I read what he puts sometimes, we discuss it and it's fine with me.

tigermoth · 16/10/2003 22:33

yes, bearinthebigbluehouse is male, he says. Just thought I'd put his full name in case of confusion, aloha.

robinw · 17/10/2003 08:45

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robinw · 17/10/2003 08:52

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doormat · 17/10/2003 09:26

To be honest I dont really care who the men are on here. As long as you can have a good conversation with someone it doesnt matter what gender they are.We are all in the same boat, parents and wanting the best for our kids afterall.

I have male friends who I often confide in and a couple of female friends. They usually all give me the same advice.The only thing I dont discuss with my male friends is period probs because I would be embarrassed.

My dh wouldnt post here but he has posted on fathers direct.

Batters · 17/10/2003 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nursie · 17/10/2003 09:40

I learnt this morning that dh posted without telling me! We were discussing a thread and a certain response and he said 'actually that was me!'
Good thing I agreed with what he'd said!

BearintheBigBlueHous · 17/10/2003 10:20

I'm on here because it helps me with my job as full time primary care giver while DW earns the wedge. I consider being able to do this as the greatest privilege, but not always the easiest job in the world. That's why I need to dip into the advice and support the site gives me. The anonymity helps, although I'd not be shy about telling my mates about MN, male or female because I don't claim to be able to do what I do without help.

I've never whined about sexist womens groups, Victoria, and I carry a large part of "the vast burden of family life" 'round our gaff. As I've said elsewhere, I don't pry into the relationship threads where you are having a "moan about menfolk" and I don't require anyone to justify remarks to me. I don't class myself as a New Man and I can't afford their clothing. The site is called Mumsnet and I respect that - I don't want to "appropriate" or control it in any way. The fact that it helps me do my job and sometimes makes me laugh, can get me through fractious days -for example, I had only heard about the life threatening condition DD developed this summer on this site and so was more able to deal with it and explain it to DW when sat by her hospital bedside.

Live and let live.

DW knows I post and was recently chuffed to little mintballs with the overwhelming repsonse to our birth announcement thread - from all my virtual friends. If you need her to post to prove I've got her permission (where's the control freakery here), I'll get her on. She can also give a woman's (although not entirely objective)view on just how "not bad looking" I am (in the MN movie I'd be played by Edward Norton with Jimmy Nesbitt's accent).

Oh, and Rhubarb, I don't use the backpack anymore - £££££s of osteopathy bills later I decided to give it up and anyway, we need to get our moneys worth from the Kiwi Explorer

WSM · 17/10/2003 10:22

I had no idea you were a bloke Bear ! Not that it matters, agree with Doormat on this one.

dadslib · 17/10/2003 10:25

Message withdrawn

WSM · 17/10/2003 10:27

Dadslib.

Original poster
Rhubarb · 17/10/2003 10:49

Oooh 'ecky thump! I didn't mean this thread to get "serious", it's just a bit of light-hearted fun, like the threads guessing who we all are based on our nicknames! Victoriapeckham has never posted before so I think he/she is a troll and we should all ignore he/she/it.

I've no probs with men posting on Mumsnet either, I was just curious as to who they were! I think I got closest to guessing about BITBBH. Tom, what is your job then if you don't mind my asking? I still imagine you as some kind of "Power to the People" type guy who goes on demonstrations and stuff! Dunno why really.

Dadslib, sorry to hear that you've lost your job. You actually remind me of a friend of mine, the comments you come out with are very similar to what he would post and he does know about Mumsnet. But you have one more child than him I think. Just to be safe, you don't live in Scotland do you? No, I'm certain you're not him (she says rather worringly!)

StuartC - I forgot all about you! Hope you're not offended! I imagine you working in an office environment and wanting to be at home more looking after the kids, which is why you post on here. A closet SAHD!

Anyway, as I said this thread is only meant to be a bit of fun, if anyone tries to turn it into something nasty I shall stamp my feet and get very cross! I'm good at doing tants!

OP posts:
lou33 · 17/10/2003 11:02

Sorry, but am still reeling at the thought of bitbbh looking like Ed Norton!

Blu · 17/10/2003 11:23

I'm not a man (too butch!)

Blu · 17/10/2003 11:26

DL, really sorry re job....wasn't spending too much time on MN that did it, I hope?
Is there work around for engineers?

dadslib · 17/10/2003 12:13

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Northerner · 17/10/2003 12:16

Sorry to hear tht DL. I was made redundant 2 years agon. It's pants. Had you been working for them long and will you get a decent payout?

whatsaname · 17/10/2003 12:21

dadslib, really thought you were joking when i read that yesterday.

Am sorry to hear that it's true. Anything else in the pipeline?

dadslib · 17/10/2003 12:26

Message withdrawn