Teenage mother sooo sad :(

[Jenie]

I went to a young mother and toddler group yesterday and felt so sad when I met a young mother of 17 who had a 6 week old baby, was living in a rough area on the 1st floor in a 1 bedroom flat with her younger sister who was 12 and hadn't been to school since July.

I just felt as though I ought to help her in some way but on the other hand what could I do that would help her and still protect my children from seeing such suffering.

This mother had a partner and he was in prison and he'd been there since January when she'd found out she was expecting, she said that he'd handed himself in so that he could be a proper dad when he got out without worrying about the police being after him.

She said that she was waiting for him to get out so that they could apply to the council to get a bigger place with a garden on the grounds of over crowding.

Thank you for reading this I just felt as though I had to tell someone.

althoug it is very sad Jenie, i think the positives are also there! They seem to be trying to plan for the future and a better life and both seem Quite responsible people! At least they're both trying! Go have a look at the "I Love" thread, that will cheer you up

Thank you Angeliz I will now go and look at the I love thread

Jenie,aahh what a sad but inspiration that story is to us all. That sort of story is commonplace where I live. IMO it isnt suffering but just getting on with her life.
If you would like to help her why not pass her a bag of babyclothes or items you dont need no more or why not a nice hamper of goodies donated anonymously.
This mother sounds like she has her head screwed on and knows what she wants (even though it is a bigger place at the moment).
It is also nice to hear that the babys father is acting responsibly and accepting his punishment so he can be a proper dad.
They sound like a nice couple and loving parents who want to do the right thing for their child

I agree with doormat - bunch of flowers, nice snacks, cinema tickets or something for the sister to do? If you want to support them but not let your kids see the suffering why not arrange to meet up in a park - I expect some adult company would be the thing I'd like most in that situation. You could offer them more assistance (babysitting or similar - at your place) once you'd got to know them, if you felt it was appropriate.

It is inspiring, and thank you for telling us!

Yes, it must be so tough being in that position, but great that she's getting out to baby groups and such. I have come across a mother of 15 recently on a different website, and she's amazing, a real bright spark who made the oldest mistake in the book (you can't get pregnant first time...). Thankfully she has a supportive family so she's going to college but the father is only 15 too and not on the scene, scared to death. Anyway, she was saying she found Sure Start a real help - gov't thing for people with young families who need extra help. Maybe you could suggest she gets in touch with them. They have free creches and help with health and education stuff. Also in dealing with council, benefits and so on. They have a website.

Jenie you do sound lovely agree with doormat giving away unwanted items etc. is a kind gesture. Agree thought they seem very sensible

Thank you all, I didn't expect anyone to respond as I just had to get it off my chest (so to speak). Am feeling as though there are some positive steps that I can take now in just helping a little.

I am going to donate a parcel of things to the girl and make sure that the organisers give them to her without telling her where they've come from, after all she won't want to feel like a charity case.

Any ideas on what I could give, I think I will spend about £20 so perhaps £10 of that should be gift vouchers so that she could pamper herself or buy a christmas present what do you think?

Thank you all again.

Jenie, how thoughtful of you.That is really lovely and I agree I dont think she would like to be seen as a charity case as I get the impression this girl has her pride.

As for ideas I suspect she spends all her money on her child so I would make it for her personally, ideas are smellies, a couple of nail varnishes etc stuff that she can pamper herself with.

The sure start idea is really good off wilbur too.

What about either a new or second hand good book on bringing up a baby? You can see from Mumsnet that loads of people have problems with what to do about this or that, and it doesn't sound like she'll have much access to regular help or advice. She's probably got the NHS book but IMHO that only gives very very basic help and she could probably do with something that she can look in day or night and get some advice. If that would take too much out of your budget, could you print off some relevant articles from Mumsnet and put them in (assuming that's ok with Mumsnet!)?

I'm just remembering all the times recently when I've been flicking through books trying to know what to do with dd, and all the times I've asked for help with various things on Mumsnet and I might have gone loony without that support.

How about the Mumsnet book?

tesco vouchers throught the door?