Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

Original poster

What would you do if you saw a man threatening a woman?

21 replies

DinosaurInAManger · 02/12/2005 12:34

I got off the train the other night and as I was walking up the platform I saw a young man who appeared to be menacing a young woman who was sitting on a bench on the platform. He looked like he was trying to grab her by the throat.

I stopped to see what was going on, as did another woman. I thought she'd been sitting there alone and he had just come up to her i.e. that he was a stranger to her.

I asked her if she was okay - the bloke turned round and gave it some verbal including the immortal line "How do you know she's not my effing wife?". I said that I didn't care whether she was his wife or not, he shouldn't be threatening her and that I wanted to know if she was all right. It was clear by then that she did know this guy, as she was trying to get him to calm down and stop shouting at me. I asked her again if she was okay and she said she was. I wasn't at all happy about leaving them there, but I didn't really know what else I could do. I was hoping to see either a member of the station staff, or a police officer on my way out of the station but as luck would have it, there was nobody around.

I did really worry that I might have made matters worse for this poor woman by saying something, though.

Does anyone have any suggestions for what they would have done/how I could have handled it better?

OP posts:

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 12:37

I would have clobbered him but that's just me.

If she didn't want you interfering then there is nothing else you can do. Perhaps phone the police? But even they cannot press charges unless she agrees to it.

There was nothing you could do.

alLIOluia · 02/12/2005 12:41

Braver than me for doing what you did, Dinosaur.

DaddyCoolNippingAtYourNose · 02/12/2005 12:41

i would attempt to kick his ass... which would result in me getting my ass kicked.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 12:45

I once did whack a guy I saw kicking this unconscious man on the floor. Me and dp (at the time) had come out of a nightclub, it was raining so I had my brolly. At the top of the road we saw this guy lying on the floor, his face covered in blood, whilst this other guy stood over him kicking him. People were just walking by!

I ran as fast as I could, raised my brolly and brought it down on him as hard as I could. Dp then restrained him whilst the police came. The guy on the floor had his nose broken and his face looked a mess, but we learnt afterwards that he was ok. Apparently it was a random attack. But the force of my clobbering this guy bent my brolly right over! Hope it hurt!

zippimistletoes · 02/12/2005 12:46

I might have said something to a station official or stood nearby for a spell to see if the situation worsened, but probably little you can do

Original poster

DinosaurInAManger · 02/12/2005 12:48

zippi - there wasn't a station official to say anything to - I said that in my OP.

OP posts:

zippimistletoes · 02/12/2005 12:50

sorry..I thought you meant not nearby rather than unmanned, i can't see that you could have done more than you did TBH

coppertop · 02/12/2005 12:56

If the woman doesn't want to be helped then there's really not much that you can do. Dh once intervened when he saw a man hitting a woman in the face in a shopping centre. He politely asked the man to stop hitting her. Within seconds both the man and the woman were hurling insults at dh. Some people just don't want to be helped.

Medea · 02/12/2005 12:58

I witnessed a similar scene outside a small supermarket and, since I'm obviously not as spunky as cliffrichardssuckseggs, I entered the hair salon next door and mentioned the row (which seemed heading towards pure violence), suggesting they ring the police. The woman at the deskwho was pretty fierywent out and lectured the bloke herself, while waving over a nearby security guard who happened to be patrolling a construction site. He broke up the argument. . .and the bloke was fuming at the interference.

But you're right, dinosaur: it's hard to know if you've made matters worse because you can't know what goes on after you've left.

I think your response was pretty brave & admirable, actually, and, as you say, there were no employees or police available (which is astonishing, about the absence of police I mean. . .they seem to be everywhere). . .and really what were you going to do next. . ring the police and have them arrive long after the couple had disappeared, wasting everyone's time etc? I think you did really well, actually.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 13:00

Hear hear! You intervened which is a damn-sight more than some people would have done!

biglipskissinunderthemistletoe · 02/12/2005 13:01

i remember one couple years ago as i was walking with my cousin past this couple in town (fella & girl).. they were arguing and suddenly the girl started punching the fella in his face really hard so he did it back to her.. i didnt fancying butting in just incase i ended up a punchbag!!

Caligyulea · 02/12/2005 13:07

I think you did as much as you could, and if matters were made worse for this woman, that's not your responsibilty, it's the responsibility of the man who is makng her matters worse.

You're a bit redoubtable with yer brolly, aren't you Cliff?

fuzzywuzzy · 02/12/2005 13:11

A few nights ago whilst I was bathing the terrors, I heard really loud screaming and shouting. When I looked out the window I saw a man trying to grab a woman and she was screaming for help. I wasn't abot to go out, but I was going to ring the police. However my neighbour came storming out and yelled at the man, she went up to the pair, asked the girl if she was OK, and told the man to leave the girl alone. Upon which the man anounced 'I ain't hitting her, she's my girlfriend, she thinks I'm cheating on her I aint' my neighbour told him she didn't care, he wasn't to touch the girls against her wishes, and she stood there and made sure the girl was out of sight before she let the man walk off.
Her dh was hovering in the doorway though just in case. But I really think my neighbour deserves respect for marching up to the bloke like that.

Original poster

DinosaurInAManger · 02/12/2005 15:32

I'm glad that no-one thinks I missed anything obvious. But that this poor girl was putting up with it.

OP posts:

Davros · 02/12/2005 19:43

Phone the Police. DH did this a while ago when he saw something untoward in the street. I also challenged some hoodies a while ago! Quite surprised myself but they were trying to get on the trampolines during DS's special needs session and thought they were very funny. They didn't seem to have noticed that the kids were all a bit "odd" so I told them to sod off

monkeytrousers · 02/12/2005 20:03

Think you did just about all you could have Dino. You let him know his behaviour wasn't acceptable.

bosscatsroastingonanopenfire · 02/12/2005 20:07

hope you don't bring that brolly to the meet up cliff

AwayInAMunker · 02/12/2005 20:10

I'd probably have phoned my local police station - I have done for similar things in the past. They'll make the decision of whether to send anyone out, but without the het-up franticness of calling 999.

Tough decision - I may very well not have phoned the police as I know there's little they can do in situations like that if she's not willing to press charges and it's one thing to read your description of what it was like and another to have been there.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 02/12/2005 22:43

I wanted to keep the brolly but I left it on a bus! Mind you, he could have pressed charges against me!!!!

MARINAtivityPlay · 02/12/2005 23:09

Good for you Dino, as others have said, it is not your responsibility if this bullying oaf objects to your asking after the woman he was with, you were braver than many of us would be.
What I would do and have done in the past, as a regular user of unmanned suburban grothole stations after dark, is e-mail your MP about this incident and also the train operating company.
They should not be putting passengers at risk in this way.

Original poster

DinosaurInAManger · 05/12/2005 11:12

Thanks all.

Hunker, I discarded that option because I know from previous experience that our local plod shop just does not answer the phone. You have to ring 999 if you want to speak to someone.

Marina, that is a good idea. I think I will do that. It is a real grothole station which is why I did not feel safe hanging around on the platform any longer myself. I only use it in rush hour and even DH is forbidden from using it any later in the evening! Bloody terrifying place.

OP posts:

Flip