Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Other subjects

Dp's CR*P how does this sound and how can I finish it off?

19 replies

Flossam · 29/11/2005 21:44

I know this is going to be complete rubbish to anyone who isn't a nurse but any feed back would be greatly appreciated!

Having qualified from the University of the West of England in Bristol a little over 3 years ago I have had a good variety of experience. As a newly qualified nurse I worked in the Bristol Royal Infirmary on Ward 15, an upper GI surgical ward, a job I very much enjoyed and where I was very sad to leave. There was such a broad spectrum of patients of different dependencies and a real variety of nursing challenges. I also gained valuable experience in helping to run the ward. Just prior to leaving my line manager was keen for me to undertake my E grade perceptership.

However, due to personal circumstances, a year after starting on ward 15 I moved to London and was fortunate enough to be offered a job on the intensive care unit in St Thomas' Hospital.

In this position I was given the opportunity to undertake a 'Transition' course which serves as an introducer to the intensive care environment, enabling competence in many of the different aspects of intensive care.

During the time I have spent on the unit I feel I have become a competent and a experienced practitioner in many of the aspects of intensive care, including endotracheal tube care, tracheotomies, suctioning, ventilation and weaning, heamofiltration, sedation and inotropes. I am also very keen in maintaining my standards of good basic patient care, which all to often can be lost in the technological environment of intensive care. Simple measures can prevent a whole host of complications for the patient and also help to ensure their comfort, which should always be paramount.

Also my skills in patient assessment have become much more advanced during my time in this post. I feel that using a variety of auscultation and palpation skills I am better equipped to ascertain and identify aspects of the patients condition, and have better ability to note deteriation in patients.

I also feel that this type of environment is conducive towards team working, working closely with Radiographers, physiotherapists and medical teams, which I feel has greatly improved my multidisciplinary communication skills. Also, visitors often require a much higher level of communication and information when their loved one is in hospital. The issue of confidentiality often has to be addressed, which can be very difficult at times. However, as a nurse I always have to act as the patients advocate. I feel this has given me a very good standing in this area.

Also, as communication with patients in intensive care, who may be under some degree of sedation or ventilated, can be so hard on both parts, my skills have been required to try and find methods of communicating with them. This can include pen and paper, alphabet boards, computer 'speaking' equipment, and to a degree when all else fails, lip reading.

Unfortunately I have not yet been able to undertake my mentorship course which is very much something I would like to achieve. This I feel is mainly due to a period of maternity leave up until July this year. I had the opportunity to begin the course prior to leaving Bristol, and would have the opportunity to do so in London in the new year. If I were successful in this application I would be very keen to ensure I gain this important qualification.

I have had some good experience of working alongside students both on the ward and on the intensive care. I find I get good feedback from students I work with and they are often keen to work with me again, which is a lovely compliment. I am very keen that I do not patronise or intimidate my students. I can remember times where I felt this way during my training and it was not conducive to good moral and learning.

In recent months I have been carrying out some shifts on the wards with the hospitals nurse bank. This is mainly due to my wish to return to the wards, where I feel I would like to progress with my career. I enjoy being able to communicate fully with my patients, which I do feel adds more to the nurse patient relationship, and I do find it more fulfilling.

OP posts:
paolosgirl · 29/11/2005 21:57

I'm being really think, but what is this you're writing? Is it a job application?

The one bit I would take out (I hope you don't mind me saying this) is the bit about "I can remember times when I felt this way during training..." Although it's no doubt true, it could be perceived as a criticism of your trainers, which is not a good thing - and knowing how the NHS is, you could find that they know the people who trained you! Sorry if I've offended you with this

JingEllBells · 29/11/2005 22:25

OK... It all sounds basically fine. I've tinkered with it a bit below. The things I've changed are in bold, so you can see where they are. Not sure what you want to say at the end, because I'm not entirely sure what exactly you're writing it for... See if this helps at all, anyway.

Since qualifying from the University of the West of England in Bristol a little over 3 years ago, I have had a good variety of experience. As a newly qualified nurse, I worked in the Bristol Royal Infirmary on Ward 15, an upper GI surgical ward, a job I very much enjoyed and which I was very sad to leave. I particularly valued the fact that the job offered such a broad spectrum of patients of different dependencies and a real variety of nursing challenges. I also gained valuable experience in helping to run the ward. Just prior to my [otherwise it could sound as if it was the manager who was leaving!] leaving, my line manager was keen for me to undertake my E grade perceptership.

However, due to personal circumstances, a year after starting on ward 15 I moved to London and was fortunate enough to be offered a job on the intensive care unit in St Thomas' Hospital.

In this position I was given the opportunity to undertake a 'Transition' course which serves as an introduction to the intensive care environment, enabling competence in many of the different aspects of intensive care.

During the time I have spent on the unit I feel I have become a competent and a experienced practitioner in many of the aspects of intensive care, including endotracheal tube care, tracheotomies, suctioning, ventilation and weaning, heamofiltration, sedation and inotropes. I am also very keen to maintain my standards of good basic patient care, which all too often can be lost in the technological environment of intensive care. Simple measures can prevent a whole host of complications for the patient and also help to ensure their comfort, which should always be paramount.

Likewise, my skills in patient assessment have become much more advanced during my time in this post. I feel that using a variety of auscultation and palpation skills I am better equipped to ascertain and identify aspects of the patient's condition, and that I have an improved ability to note deteriation in patients.

I also feel that this type of environment is conducive to team working, working closely with radiographers [not clear why Radiographers had a capital letter but physiotherapists didn't], physiotherapists and medical teams, which I feel has greatly improved my multidisciplinary communication skills. Similarly, visitors often require a much higher level [?? higher level is a bit unclear to me... It could sound like the opposite of what I think you mean. I think you mean that communication is particularly important in these circs, that sensitivity and clarity are paramount. Is that right? But 'higher level' could imply using a lot of technical terms and incomprehensible medical vocab... But I'm not an expert, so only change it if you think it needs it] of communication and information when their loved one is in hospital. The issue of confidentiality often has to be addressed, which can be very difficult at times. However, as a nurse I always have to act as the patient's advocate. I feel this has given me a very good grounding in [or understanding of] this area.

Also, as communication with patients in intensive care, who may be under some degree of sedation or ventilated, can be so hard on both parts, my skills have been required to try to find methods of communicating with them. This can include pen and paper, alphabet boards, computer 'speaking' equipment, and to a degree, when all else fails, lip reading.

Unfortunately I have not yet been able to undertake my mentorship course, which is very much something I would like to achieve. This I feel [I'd delete 'I feel' personally. This is more of a fact than a matter of opinion.] is mainly due to a period of maternity leave up until July this year. I had the opportunity to begin the course prior to leaving Bristol, and would have the opportunity to do so in London in the new year. If I were successful in this application I would be very keen to ensure I gain this important qualification.

I have had some good experience of working alongside students both on the ward and on the [in?] intensive care. I find I get good feedback from students I work with and they are often keen to work with me again, which is a lovely compliment. I am very keen not to patronise or intimidate my students. I can remember times where I felt this way during my training and it was not conducive to good moral and learning. [I agree with paolosgirl about this bit. Perhaps change to 'Thinking back to my own training, I try to draw on the positive examples provided to me by more experienced nurses, in order to offer my own students an experience which is positive in terms of both morale and learning' (perhaps a bit wordy... summarise a bit?).

In recent months I have been carrying out some shifts on the wards with the hospital's nurse bank. This is mainly due to my wish to return to the wards, where I feel I would like to progress with my career. I enjoy being able to communicate fully with my patients, which I do feel adds more to the nurse-patient relationship, making the job more fulfilling.

Hope this helps a bit. Sorry if I've been over-critical (this is what I do for a living, more-or-less). It goes without saying that most of my suggestions are just suggestions. In the end, only you know what you want to say, so adapt or reject my changes as you see fit.

Oh, and good luck. I'd give you a job on the basis of this any day!

Flossam · 29/11/2005 22:25

Ooops, yes an application. Ok, perhaps I could rephrase it to "...intimidate my students, as this is in no way conducive to good moral or learning."

Thanks. I hate writing these things.

OP posts:
Flossam · 29/11/2005 22:27

Sorry cross posted - thanks for that, will read through, I don't recognise your name being all xmassy sure I am being stupid!

OP posts:
JingEllBells · 29/11/2005 22:35

I'm Ellbell, Flossam. Not a nurse, but only the obviously technical bits of your application were gibberish to me. The rest made perfect sense.

I normally end job applications with something like...

Given the technical skills and personal qualities outlined above, I feel that I am extremely well-qualified to fill your current vacancy. I trust that you will give my application due consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

nooka · 29/11/2005 22:37

Flossam, is this a supporting statement? If so make sure it is related to the person spec. I have done quite a lot of recruiting (I work in the NHS, but not on the clinical side, although I have clinicans in my team). When shortlisting remember that the person wants to be able to go down their list and tick it all off. If they can find everything they are after easily you will almost certainly get shortlisted.

I have two comments, one trivial - that you have used a lot of "also"s, but jinglebells has edited some of those out.

The other more significant. I would recommend that you rework the bit about your mentorship course -
It is not entierly clear where your maternity leave fits into the picture (London or Brighton?). I would start with the having the opportunity to do it in the new year bit (have you signed up for it/been accepted? if so I would say that), then say why you were unable to take it in the past, and then the line about it being important. Unless it is specifically mentioned in the JD/person spec I wouldn't emphasise it too much, as it looks a little negative, and there is no need to talk yourself down. Enough to say you are going to do it, and that you think it important, and that you would like to do it if you got this new job (would that mean not doing it in the new year in your current job?)

Flossam · 29/11/2005 22:38

Thank you so much for all your help. I'll re read tomorrow and probably use all your changes LOL, I'm feeling shattered now though, have been doing this application since 7 tonight and the screens all blurry. Have got the lions share of it done though so I'm sure I'll get a quick 10 mins to do it in the morning, am really grateful for all your help with it.

OP posts:
nooka · 29/11/2005 22:38

Oh, and it looks very good by the way (having just focussed on the negative - tut tut!)

sobernow · 29/11/2005 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flossam · 29/11/2005 22:44

Nooka, will work on my also's! Also, in the person spec it says people who want to supervise and mentor. It dosen't say you need the course but I am pretty sure it would be very desirable. I put in about my maternity leave because otherwise I would have done it in the time I've been where I am. Can easily take it out. I haven't got my name down for doing it up here, so perhaps I should remove that bit. This move has been in the pipeline for several months now, meaning I haven't been able to do a lot about quite a lot IYSWIM. I'll fiddle around with it anyhow. See if I can make it sound any better. Thanks for your feedback.

OP posts:
Flossam · 29/11/2005 22:46

Thanks sobernow. Had run the spell check actually, but only on the email. Had been surprised at how few I seem to have made. Now I know why!

OP posts:
nooka · 29/11/2005 23:16

OK. I think you should rephase that section then, and start by saying that you are interested in the post because you want to be a mentor and do supervision, and then say that you were accepted for the course in Brighton, but that you were unable to take it up and why. Then say that this is something that you are very keen to build on, and that you would like to do the course as part of your CPD.

The other general thing I would recommend is to refer to the job that you are applying for a bit more. It's always nice to know that the person is really interested in your job (I have seen a few "job lot" applications), so good to add a few why I would like (and be fantastic at) this job. I usually top and tail my applications with a line or two of this nature.

Flossam · 29/11/2005 23:48

Thanks Nooka, Will do the first point deffo, but the advert is for a job in a variety of locations (non specified). Do you think it might be worth mentioning the areas that I would like to work in? Didn't want to seem too fussy.

OP posts:
Flossam · 30/11/2005 14:18

I'll post the final version here, if anyone has any last minute feedback I'd still appreciate it! I think I've used all of your tips and pointers and I'm so grateful for all your help. You've been great.

Since qualifying from the University of the West of England in Bristol a little over 3 years ago, I have had a good variety of experience. As a newly qualified nurse, I worked in the Bristol Royal Infirmary on Ward 15, an upper GI surgical ward, a job I very much enjoyed and which I was very sad to leave. I particularly valued the fact that the job offered such a broad spectrum of patients of different dependencies and a real variety of nursing challenges. I also gained valuable experience in helping to run the ward. Just prior to my [otherwise it could sound as if it was the manager who was leaving!] leaving, my line manager was keen for me to undertake my E grade perceptership.

However, due to personal circumstances, a year after starting on ward 15 I moved to London and was fortunate enough to be offered a job on the intensive care unit in St Thomas' Hospital.

In this position I was given the opportunity to undertake a 'Transition' course which serves as an introduction to the intensive care environment, enabling competence in many of the different aspects of intensive care.

During the time I have spent on the unit I feel I have become a competent and a experienced practitioner in many of the aspects of intensive care, including endotracheal tube care, tracheotomies, suctioning, ventilation and weaning, heamofiltration, sedation and inotropes. I am also very keen to maintain my standards of good basic patient care, which all too often can be lost in the technological environment of intensive care. Simple measures can prevent a whole host of complications for the patient and also help to ensure their comfort, which should always be paramount.
Likewise, my skills in patient assessment have become much more advanced during my time in this post. I feel that using a variety of auscultation and palpation skills I am better equipped to ascertain and identify aspects of the patient's condition, and that I have an improved ability to note deterioration in patients.

I also feel that this type of environment is conducive towards team working, working closely with radiographers, physiotherapists and medical teams, which I feel has greatly improved my multidisciplinary communication skills. Similarly, visitors often require a much better clarity, detail and sensitivity of communication and information when their loved one is in hospital and is of the upmost importance. The issue of confidentiality often has to be addressed, which can be very difficult at times. However, as a nurse I always have to act as the patient's advocate. I feel this has given me a very good grounding in this area.

Also, as communication with patients in intensive care, who may be under some degree of sedation or ventilated, can be so hard on both parts, my skills have been required to try to find methods of communicating with them. This can include pen and paper, alphabet boards, computer 'speaking' equipment, and to a degree, when all else fails, lip reading.
I am very keen to undertake my mentorship course which unfortunately due to a series of circumstances I have not yet been able to undertake. I should have commenced the course around 2 years ago but this coincided with the move to London and I have yet to have the same opportunity at my current place of work. I very much hope to gain this valuable qualification in the near future.

I have had some good experience of working alongside students both on the ward and in the intensive care. I find I get good feedback from students I work with and they are often keen to work with me again, which is a lovely compliment. I am very keen not to patronise or intimidate my students as this is in no way conducive to good morale and learning. I find a down to earth, informative and hands on approach is always best.

In recent months I have been carrying out some shifts on the wards with the hospital's nurse bank. This is mainly due to my wish to return to the wards, where I feel I would like to progress with my career. I enjoy being able to communicate fully with my patients, which I feel adds more to the nurse patient relationship, making the job more fulfilling.

I very much hope that I will be successful in this application as I feel I would have a great deal to offer patients, colleagues and the trust as a whole at this stage of my career.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 30/11/2005 14:31

hi floss

i am so rubbish at these things, what you have written is brilliant, far better than i ever could but if you want my humble opinion i would miss out entirely the sentence

"i am not very keen to patronise..." i would include the sentence after that "i find a down..." but put something like "i feel this is one of my strongest areas"

but dont take my word for it

so are you moving to bristol then? tons of luck with the job app. and let us know how you get on xxx

walkinginawinterBundleland · 30/11/2005 14:34

rather than say you don't want to patronise etc...say the positive words that you WOULD do eg offer support, work as team. (dont' want to even sew the seeds of doubt..so don't use negative words..put the positive ones in their place iykwim)

Flossam · 30/11/2005 14:56

Right, changed those bits too. Have applied now! It was online so I hope it gets there. Will try and ring tomorrow to check. Yes its in Bristol NP. We've got a car, and might go and look at a house in Bristol at the weekend before we decide when and what to do with this flat, as the lease is a nightmare and not up for another 4/5 months. How are you?

OP posts:
JingEllBells · 30/11/2005 15:25

Ummm, Floss... I hope you remembered to take out the bit in square brackets at the end of the first paragraph (otherwise it would sound as if it was the manager who was leaving), which was me explaining why I'd added a word there!

Sorry... I should have highlighted this in some way so that you noticed it was there.

If you didn't take it out. Don't worry... remove it and send the application again, saying you noticed a small mistake in the first version and please could they ignore it and take this as the final version instead. No-one will have looked at it yet.

Very best of luck with the job. My sis used to live in Bristol and loved it. And sorry about the brackets!

Ellbell

Flossam · 30/11/2005 15:33

Bugger. t hought I'd noted all of those Will re do now.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page