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Made very tactless comment which was overheard. What should I do?

17 replies

WideWebWitch · 13/10/2003 09:25

I'm cringing as I type this. A friend has a child who is a bit of a madam. This is a very close friend and her dd isn't a nightmare, not at all, but she can be a bit prima donna-ish and a bit upfront about asking for what she wants. i.e. can I have one of those xyzs from your cupboard? (having opened and examined said cupboard first without asking.) So it irritates me slightly. This dd is 10. Yesterday we were on an outing and dp and I went to buy drinks for ourselves in a garage. All the children (my ds included) were settled with drinks at a table in the seating area. As I was buying my carton of drink I said to dp "do you think I should get another one for xxx? She's bound to bloody well ask. Oh no, I shouldn't have to actually. But she's not backward in coming forward if she wants something is she and I bet she will want this". Dp said "no, ikwym, gets on my nerves too. She did xyz today too, did you see?" We then paid for our stuff only to see that the girl's mother was in the same area of the shop too. Eeeek! She quite possibly overheard but I'm not positive she did. All was friendly at the table 2 minutes later, couldn't detect any undertone but you never know. Anyway, now I don't know what to do. I'd usually follow an honesty is the best policy route and actually I did immediately go to find her but when I did she started talking first and so I didn't say anything. I'm not sure whether this was because she did hear and didn't want to make an issue of it or whether she didn't hear. I'm not sure what I was going to say anyway - probably "sorry, that was bitchy and out of order". But should I just leave this one? I know what I said wasn't that awful, but saying it in an underhand way and then being overheard is, I think. I feel guilty and wish I'd kept my mouth shut since I really love this friend and don't want to upset her. I know I might not have done but anyway, I'm worried. It was that hot shame feeling as we walked away having realised she could have heard. I am not proud of myself and realise I need to keep my mouth shut in future. Dp thinks I shoud text her with "sorry for bitchy comment, I was knackered and bad tempered". If she didn't hear it presumably she'll say so, if she did I hope she'll accept my apology. Or should I just leave it and make sure I don't make the same mistake again?

OP posts:
Lilysmum · 13/10/2003 09:38

I suspect that happily for you, your friend didn't overhear. Otherwise even if she was making a supreme effort to pretend she hadn't heard (so as not to make an issue of it) you would have sensed some uneasyness or suppressed tension on her part.

Try not to worry yourself too much over this. We've all been there.

marialuisa · 13/10/2003 09:40

TBH I'd leave it. It maybe that she did hear and is aware that her DD is a bit pushy at times so feels embarrassed anyway. I think if i were her and had heard the comment I would probably have made some jokey reference to it and let things move on. Sorry, not much help, but can't help feeling that there's no need to make things awkward. If it's to salve your conscience, could you make a more general text apology, "sorry I was irritable at the end of the day, overtired!"?
And wouldn't her mum have got her a drink if she wanted one?

lazyeye · 13/10/2003 09:42

I'd leave it as well. I know my son can be a pain in the u know what & I think if I heard someone else comment on it & knew it was really true I wouldn't say anything. Chances are she didn't hear it. Sounds like you are a good friend to her to be so worried about it, so I wouldn't risk things with an argument. All the best.

eefs · 13/10/2003 09:43

oh cringe WWW, you poor thing.
I think your DP has a good idea, the only problem obviously being that she may not have heard the comment and now you'll have to come clean.
If I had heard someone (esp a close friend) say that about ds, even if I knew it was deserved I would be offended - but more at the fact that my friend was talking about it than the sentiments expressed. I think it's the lesser of two evils to assume she's heard than to ignore it.
good luck.

marthamoo · 13/10/2003 09:49

WWW, ouch! But we've all done it so don't beat yourself up. I think I'd go with MariaLuisa's suggestion. I wouldn't make reference specifically to what you said (with luck, she didn't hear you anyway) but would text with a general apology. Something along the lines of "Sorry I was such a grump yesterday - was tired/pre-menstrual/whatever". Hopefully she'll text back and say "oh I didn't notice" but if she replies and does mention that she overheard you, you can apologise properly.

You really didn't say anything too bad and, as a good friend, I'm sure it will just blow over.

tigermoth · 13/10/2003 10:33

www, poor you! I agree with marthmoo's and marialouisa's suggestions - a general apology and then see if your friend brings the subject up.

TBH I really wouldn't like it if a 10 year old went through my cupboards and asked for things either. I've experienced similar and it irritates me too. What's funny in a 5 year old gets tiresome in a 10 year old.

If the garage incident really nags at you, could you and your dp go back to the garage and one of you stand where you friend stood, while the other stands where you both stood and says something just to see if it could have been overheard?

ks · 13/10/2003 11:20

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Batters · 13/10/2003 12:03

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WideWebWitch · 13/10/2003 12:08

Thanks all of you. I think I'll do that then - text a general apology and hope it's left at that. I'll let you know what she says. And I'll learn a lesson, which is keep my mouth shut in future! It was like one of those awful office bitching-about-someone-who-turns-out-to-be-in-the-loo-cubicle scenarios!

OP posts:
Cam · 13/10/2003 15:32

But even so, www, I think you can say to a 10 year old (or an any-year-old), please don't go in the cupboards, darling, ask me if you want something.

motherinferior · 13/10/2003 15:55

Oh dear, I recognise the situation so well!

Marthamoo's suggestion utterly brill. Must bear in mind.

Marina · 13/10/2003 20:48

another vote for the Marthamoo solution...but we've all been there, www hon

LeannaBrekke · 01/08/2022 05:59

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Tashface · 01/08/2022 06:07

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Said child will be around 29 years old by now, so likely has her own cupboards!

FilePhoto · 01/08/2022 06:16

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Why did you resurrect a 19 year old thread to post a link that may or may not be for wordle?

exnewwifeproblems · 01/08/2022 06:20

This is very weird.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 01/08/2022 06:40

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Well OP might have done in 2003……….. now TWENTY years later it might be ok ?????????????? 🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️

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