My Dad sold the medals I had inherited

[hockeymum]

Hi, Wanting a bit of advice really. My Great Aunt died 8 years ago and she and I were the closest of all my family members. She had no children and lived with my other great aunts and uncles. When she dies she told me that she wanted me to have her war medals (she was a warden in Plymouth during WW2). I said I would love them and left them in the house until her last remaining sister moved out to live in a Home. When my dad and I did the house clearance I looked for and found my medals. My dad said he wanted to look at everything once more and then he would return them to me.

this morning, I got a letter from my dad saying he had auctioned them by accident with some of the house contents. He hadn't bothered to look in the box so didn't realise what he had sent to the auctioneer. He has sent me a cheque for £230, what he got for the medals (the rest of the proceeds will go to keeping the other aunt in her old folks home understandably). The letter was so impersonal, typed and ending "sorry, but that will be of little consolation, D".

Should I be fuming? I'm angry about 2 things, firstly he didnt bother to take care of something that didn't belong to him and meant a great deal to me as that is all I had to remember her by as she had no other wordly goods. I am also furious about the fact that he chose to tell me in a typed letter. He should have had the balls to tell me on the phone at least. He hadn't even told my mum about it, when I told her she said "no wonder he's been acting like he's guilty all weekend"

My sister who was not close to this great aunt says there is nothing I can do about it and as Dad is old, I should let it all blow over and not get upset about something I have no control over, but I find that hard. I don't want to cause any bad feeling with my dad. But my aunt earned those medals for years of hard work and to have them sold bellittles that. I don't want the £230 my dad has sent. I cant replace them and the money will just get used up on nothing. What should I do?

Let it go, it was not intentional.

I think you should leave it .. it was obviously a genuine mistake he was worried about you cannot expect someone of a different generation to go by the same social rules as you do .. he's hardly likely to break down in tears is he .. in his generation writing was the most appropriate way

can't help feeling there is something else wrong with your relationship with your father for you to be furious

sorry - it might not be what you want to hear, but I think your sister is right. I'm sure your Dad didn't do it deliberately, he clearly feels bad about it, so I think you just need to try to accept that it's an unfortunate mistake.

You say that the money will just get used up on nothing - why? It doesn't have to... Why not buy something in memory of your aunt (a picture/ ornament etc) Then everyime you look at it you can think of her?

Let it go. it was a mistake, he has apologised and sent you the money, there is nothing else he can do to make it better.

I agree - let it go. Buy yourself a piece of jewellery or a picture or something you can enjoy and which will remind you of her

re the letter being typed - perhaps your dad spent a long time writing and rewriting it, aware of how you would feel, and it is easier to do this when typing rather than writing.

I really do understand how upset you are about this, but to be fair I think your dad does too.

I bought a great ring a few years ago from some money my grandma left me, I wear it everyday. It is a lovely reminder of her.

I know this won't replace anything and I know it must be hard and I understand why you are furious. But I think your dad realises all this, hence the letter. Try to talk to him, please

It was a genuine mistake and I think you have to accept it as such. My dh's family had one of the first Victoria Cross medals in their family and that was stolen from their house. But that's life, nothing can be done so we have to live with it.

If you don't want the money why not give it to a charity, like the Poppy Appeal, which supports ex-service people.

Is there any way you can trace who bought them through the auction house and try to buy them back?