Article about Stay-at-home-mums in the Sunday Times today - what did you think?

[emkaren]

Hi! I'm new-ish to Mumsnet, have only posted twice before, but today I read this article in the Sunday Times which really made me angry, and I was wondering if anyone else had seen it and what you thought. Basically the author went on in a VERY unkind way about stay-at-home mothers and how they might enjoy their existence now while their children are young, but will regret it later. Which is a fair point and something I do worry about sometimes, but what I didn't like was that she made it sound as if all SAHM's had husbands who are loaded, so that they drive around in their 4X4's, see their personal trainer every day and pop out to lunch all the time, not really bothering with the children at all, only 'using their fertility as an excuse' (this line actually ended the article). I mean, where does she live - what planet is she on? I am a SAHM and several of my friends are as well, but we are by no means rich and the reason we're at home is that at the moment we very much enjoy being with the children, more than being at work anyway, and we can just about afford to live on one income, so we're lucky that way - but this might change tomorrow or next year and then my decision might change - I don't know. But why write such a hostile article about SAHM's? Am I the exception, and most SAHM's are just using their children as an excuse to be a bit of a parasite? Find that hard to imagine!
Anyway, what did you think?
Oh, here's the link by the way, only I can't do it properly yet, sorry!
www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-841478,00.html

oh my God am livid after reading that.i am stay at home mum and the lie in thing.??? Personal trainers.book groups.what planet is she on? ooh i am so angry i better call my personal therapist to come over and talk to me before i go for my afternoon nap!

I think 'Kate Stone' is really the bloke who has his 'office' above All Bar One.

Clearly an mad alcoholic

message withdrawn

Dear emkaren, you are an angel sent from heaven for starting this thread. I went to bed too angry to turn on my pc.
I'm furious with the Sunday Times for printing this peice of mysogynistic filth. Others have said it all, really, but what really struck me as particularly sick was 'non-contributing' and 'light housework'. I don't know where she comes from, but the work is our house is anything but light - it's bloody endless. I might, if I can calm down enough, write a letter to the ST. I have a foot in both camps as I work part time, and as I have said before, the work days are far easier than the childcare days. I think this harridan was aiming at people with school age children, but I always thought I would remain part-time when mine start school. I can't imagine working a five day week, then squeezing all the housework, cooking, laundry, home-work-help, shopping, etc, into a hour here and there in the evenings and weekends. When are you supposed to play with your kids? Or are you supposed to hire someone else to do that?
I'm on a huge rant at the moment, about all the work it takes to run a house and how the media, and many key members of the male of the species, seem to overlook them so totally.

There will probably be some great letters in the ST next week, as there was after Bob Geldof's rant.

I too couldnt believe this article. I fluctuate betwwen being a sahm but over the last four years I have done quite a bit of sessional work in school hours. I think both working and looking after children and staying at home with them are hard in different ways. My sons are now 11 and 10. I certainly have never had a lie in. I have never made mobiles out of pine cones> i do go to the gym and have raised alot of money doing the race for life for charity. I agree that children dont stop needing you as they get older. My oldest has just started secondary school and has needed alot support this first term. I would also love to see the author cope with looking after children for a while

Oh how I seethed when I read this yesterday - Yummy Mummy my arse! I can only assume that it was written to provoke raher than enlighten.

Stupid bloody woman . Perhaps we (mumsnet) ought to reply!

"yummy mummy my arse' is definitely my quote of the day

Yes, I think we (Mumsnet) should reply by giving them this thread. It contains a lot of good points, eloquently put, and Ms Stone can shove it where 'she' likes.

I think Kate Stone's real name is Patricia Hewitt.

I've got total respect for all SAHMs - personally I am not woman enough for the job of full time child raising (far too difficult). I'd much rather go to work full time - dictate the odd memo, log on to mumsnet regularly and drink lots of coffee. If I was a better woman I'd stay at home!

Sorry I meant to say part time ( I work part time - thought that I'd better spend a bit of time with dd!)

I read something vaguely similar by Tim Lott here basically that stay at home mums have life easy! Must be the time of year.

I thought the article did make one good point though, that a career break can really damage your lifetime income prospects. Going back to work for me is worth it mainly because of the career continuity aspect - if I stopped work for five years, doubt I'd get back into the workforce, at least in my current job. And I'm not so confident in my relationship that I can afford to do that.

Totally agree with Lilysmum - I'm not big enough to stay at home f/t with kids much as I love them (I work p/t) Hats totally totally off to SAHMs - I so totally know that coming to work is the easy option by a long long way. You get coffee breaks without somebody pooing themselves and all the other things that have been said before.

These so called journos need to take my two and spend a whole week with them and then re-write their trite articles......

Right, I'm off for a coffee...

Infuriating article. Obviously written by someone who doesn't live in the real world. I work part time mainly from home and people assume I am a sahm who dares to put her child into childcare (not that it matters if I was) but people do seem to think they can comment on such things. Someone I met recently, and who assumes I am a sahm, told me her 'friend' was "heartless" for returning to nursing and letting some one else "raise" her children. The prejudice works both ways and can be incredible.
aloha, as always, I completely agree with your post.

I also work fulltime and there is no doubt in my mind. Going to work for me is the easy option. It is lovely going to the toilet alone! When I was on maternity leave I fully expected my dh to take over as I was far more tired than he was.
I think all these articles are pointless unless you give parents the opportunity to freely choose wheather to stay at home or go out to work. These writers should write about flexible working hours for both fathers and mothers, paternity leave, affordable and available childcare and also be more concerned about SAHM's lack of pensions and income despite doing a great and important job in the home.

Richt, off to the toilet (alone !)

Well said Aloha
Kate Stone is a "troll" of the printed word

Without wanting to be contraversial, I don't think working full-time is an easy option. Not that I think being a SAHM is either but personally, I found that I was much more tired after returning to work than I was whilst on Maternity Leave. What with the fight for a seat on the train (I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant) and then having to catch up with housework, cooking, kids homework etc when I get home from work (at 6:30 if I'm lucky) and at weekends, I'm counting the days until my next maternity leave starts.

'spose it depends on yer job. I'm very lucky - drive to work, not bad traffic either, sit down job (hence lots of naughty mumsnetting), right in the centre of town, can go for lots of dinner time shopping, coffee breaks, nice people, seldom very stressful. Just depends on yer set up dunnit? I know working is easier for me

As a mum you are not looking for the "easy" option (are there any?), but the best and most affordable option for you and your family.

Oh she surely can't be serious? Does she even know there is a world outside London? I've never met a mother who bears any resemblance to her description, working or SAH.

I'm with Tabitha. I'm a SAHM mostly because I spent all my time juggling work, children, home, husband and none enjoying life or my family. I woke up one day and realised I had no balance to my life and I was spending most of my time and effort on the least important thing, i.e. work. I had very little time for what should have been my no. one priority: my family.

It's hard making ends meet and I am more familiar with Lidls than a personal trainer. I drive a Daewoo, not a 4x4 but my family (including myself) are much happier and at peace with each other.

Oh, and my mother thinks I should "stop being so lazy and go back to work"!

Fairymum, after 16 years of this I would dearly love to take the easy option but as you say for most of us there isn't one, unlike the SAHMs in the article, which probably accounts for about 0.1% of the population. I should've stuck to my oiginal plan of marrying a millionaire!

Blimey, you'll never guess what happened in our household last night. DS2 was up in the medium/small hours teething, howling his head off, so nobody got any sleep until past 5:30 am. So we all had an accidental lie-in until 9:30 am. Mum, Dad, 4-year-old and baby. Shocking, eh? (DH is self employed and today is not one of my 'work-days'.

Is this the thin end of the wedge? Will I be filling out a subscription for a gym next? (Actually, I have noticed a flabby band appearing around my waist, mmmmmm ......)
4X4......? (Bit roley around corners, perhaps a BM would be better .........)

Tabitha,

I can see that work is not a soft option for you, and apols for any offence caused.

However its definitely an easy option for me, like Lazyeye says - it depends on your set up....(mine is none-taxing, well paid work, and I know I am a jammy sod)

Its a shame that the media / society think its fair game to knock either SAHMs or working mums - both choices are equally valid. I reckon everybody who has contributed to this discussion can agree on that....

P.S. all mums should be totally venerated and respected by society because if it wasn't for us lot having children, there wouldn't be a future working population to keep them in their dotage!