About my Dad again!!....

[biglips]

i went to see my nan couple weeks ago and she said that my Dad is waiting for me to call him!?!, whats wrong with him calling me??

as i invited him to my engagement party last year he didnt bother to turn up (i rang him the day before but his phone was switched off so i left msg on his voicemail)... my nan said that he forgotton about my party and wants me to call him!!!

ive been thinking what to do as he is an alcoholic and is now living on his own, but im too stubborn to ring him as he hadnt even seen his 1st Granddaughter yet and she is 13 mths old.

my parents divorced 10 yrs ago and me and dad werent close and ive only seen him 5 times in 10 yrs and is always drunk!.. im always chasing after him and he does ring me too but we see each other for couple of weeks and then its die off for couple of years.

i havent got a clue whats to do??

maybe just writre him notes and postcards to see if he responds? Invite him to all famiy occasiosn and if he doesn't come he doesn't

well ive given my nan my photos of my family to pass it onto Dad

is it the men thing that they dont make the first move??

yes

Do you want to speak to him? If you do then it surely wouldn't hurt to ring him. If you want contact with him then contact him - even if you feel that you always do the running, if you haven't spoken for months then surely it doesn't really matter who picks the phone up.

I guess you can only do what you want. If you really want to be in touch, and it sounds like you do not least because you're pregnant, then you have to call him.

Although he should do the calling, he's obviously not behaving as a parent should and so you have to be big enough to step into the breech.

I can also recommend you get some counselling about your relationship with your dad. I did and it really freed me from all sorts of stuff.

well im not pg now as ive got a 13 mths old DD. im wondering what the hell to say to him? as i know my dad wont knock me back and he had said Congratulations to me when i told him that i was pg so i was hoping that he would smell the coffee and realised what is in front of him, but obviously the coffee wasnt strong enough

Oh biglips that's alkies for you. Don't take it personally. Easy to say, I know.

Sorry about the mix up. Thought you said you were pg but you were referring back to the time when you were.

I really feel for you. I had a really tough time getting over my dad issues.

Alcoholics are usually very self-centred. My sister is an alcoholic and has problems having a real relationship with anyone - her primary relationship is with the booze, and it's hard to have a relationship with a person while she's so tied up with the alcohol. Your dad is probably the same - it's hard for him to wake up and smell the coffee when his relationship with the booze is so all-consuming.

If you want to see him then one of you has to call, and it's unlikely to be him so perhaps you should just pick up the phone. Don't worry about what to say; hello will do for starters, then just see how the conversation goes.

I'm with Spidey on this- Alkies for you. Don't think my Dad has EVER called me, yet whenever I make the hike down there to visit they never see enough of me...

Yeah well you know where the train station is (DAd is a recovered alkie BTW, but the old thinking patterns still remain).

MIL is much the same (to put it mildly!!) and she isn't an Alkie but does seem to have huge depression / OCD issues. I think it just goes with the mental health territory, TBH.

We do exactly what Compo says with MIL. Which basically means we rarely see her but there you go. Her choice, we make the effort.

but im always dreaming about him and its depressing me abit..

the other day i saw an alcoholic sitting on a park bench at 11am and i was watching him, he went thru 2 cans in 20 mins!... i felt sad cos i was thinking about my Dad.

its me biglips btw