Funeral clothes

[Posey]

My dh will be attending the funeral of an old friend on Friday (old as in long standing, not years) He was only 36 and died unexpectedly and suddenly leaving a wife and 3 children. He will be wearing a suit but is unsure if modern etiquette dictates he should wear a black tie or not. Can anyone help please? Thanks

my dh and ds both say yes - so an answer from an older and younger view - hope it helps

What would the friend have liked? Im sorry at your loss and for his family. Hugs.

Can you find out if it will be a traditional funeral or not? Sometimes people prefer to have it not black. (My aunt died a few years ago, in the summer, and all the WI ladies etc wore bright flowery frocks.)

I think it depends very much on how conservative / old fashioned the family are. I thought that these days subdued colours were completely acceptable and a bit more 'personal'. Is there a group of friends? Could he consult with the others in advance? Or to ensure that he doesn't feel awkward, wear a favourite tie but have a black one in his pocket for swift transformation even before he gets out of the car if he sees others in black? Also, if there is a group of friends who knew him from, say, primary school, they could all wear their ties...
How sad for you and your poor dh. I think he should feel confident enough to wear whatever he feels is most in the spirit of his relationship with his friend.

So tragic that his friend died so young....

I think as long as Dh attends looking smart and presentable (and he is unlikely to do anything else as he is obviously putting some thought into it)then his old friends family will not be offended

Oh how sad I think nowaday as long as its a dark suit it doesnt matter whether it black or not.

At my sisters funeral, she was 21, it was asked that everyone wore brightly coloured clothes and no sombre colours because thats what she wanted. It was the most colourful funerals I have ever been too.

Sorry to hear about your dh's friend, Posey, very sad. I know from recently losing my parents that what I appreciated was people who had thought about what they should wear, so your dh is ahead on that front. I did prefer the more formal thing of men wearing a black tie, but only because it felt like such an important occasion to me. Having said that, I wore a black dress and a long white linen coat to my dad's funeral in July, as he always loved women wearing black and white, so thinking about your dh's friend's personality is probably the best way to decide what is best. Years ago, I went to a funeral of an ex-boyfreind who had died at 23 in a crash - everyone there was so young and shocked, we'd all gone for deepest black because we didn't know what else to do, but then a lovely (male) friend of his walked in wearing a white suit and a coloured shirt and it was so perfect and what he would have wanted. I always remember that. Sorry, this is a bit rambly, hope it helps anyway. As long as any decision is made with care and love, you can't really go wrong.

I went to a funeral yesterday, she was my aunt and godmother. A lot of people did wear black. Her sister wore beige, I wore a navy Chanel suit.

At my grandmother's funeral I wore lilac and my daughter wore scarlet red and she was a reader in the church!

I have been to a few funerals where we were asked not to wear black. I think anything goes as long as you look smart as a mark of respect.

Most of the men wore black ties, especially close family. My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

I would say black or other dark colour both acceptable unless requested otherwise as some of the examples below. My DH (and most of the men in my family) has a black funeral tie.

Thank you all very much for your help and also your very kind support. I didn't really know his friend as he'd lived abroard for some years. DH is not the most open of people but I know he's very cut up about it. Anyway, has got a black tie as the family are quite traditional but is taking another one in his pocket just in case.
Thanks once again