Would this be a sacrifice too far?

[emkana]

Is anybody watching that programme on Ch 4, Make me a Million? In it there's a woman who goes to live in London Monday to Friday to set up a business in the hope of becoming really successful. She leaves her son at home with his dad during that time, and she's doing this for several months. The son is baby/toddler age.

I can't help thinking that no matter how successful she will become, this is a sacrifice too far. Or isn't it?

Well......noone would think twice if it was the father doing it would they??

too right md.

I think it would be a sacrifice many times too far for me.

Actually I would say that it would be a massive sacrifice for a father as well, to miss out on all that precious time.

And thank god mothers tend to be less willing to bugger off out of their children's lives than so many men. I don't think it is something women should be emulating, on the whole.

Yes, I agree, as the time she should spend with her son is irreplaceable. They're not babies for long are they? The time is so precious: before you know it they are getting so big and you think, 'What happened to my baby?'

WWW - is doing this atm (working away from home during the week.

I don't imagine for one moment that it is easy. But sometimes, there's not really a choice!

There was a long thread on here discussing how she felt!

My dh has been working abroad for long stretches since dd who is five today (!) was 7 months old.

It is hard,but he does get lots of holidays too and I can't deny that the money he makes is very nice.....

I couldn't do it though.
I'd shrivel up and die of grief I think.
Could probably manage two nights away from them atm.

I would find it dreadfully difficult. It certainly wouldnt be a first choice option for me.

I cant say i definitely wouldnt though if given the fantastic opportunity that this particular woman has been given.

The opportunity to earn a million/own a million pound business and irrefutably (sp) secure your childrens future is appealing. I certainly wouldnt entertain it at all if i wasnt the boss/owner etc of the company.

What I am saying is that IMO it is NOT a bad thing that women tend to me more closely attached to their children and less willing to leave them. The fact that men do something is not necessarily a great reason for women to do it too.

soapbox, glad you mentioned www's situation, i was about to get all aerated!

no of course no-one would do it with unconstrained choices - but hey - how often do we get those?

so, to go back to the question, would i live away mon - fri? yes, if there were no other choice, to pay the bills. no way, if it were just a question of career advancement or building a new business - those are not unconstrained choices - imho.

I thoroughly believe that working away from home has caused H to stray.
we were really happy in his previous job
this job may have loads of money but money isnt everything and it has certrainly changed my H

It's a sacrifice she's prepared to make and she's the expert on her ds and her circumstances (and partner). Good luck to her.

Personally I'd hate it. Wouldn't do it if I had any other option at all. Having said that, dh is currently redundant - please keep your fingers crossed he gets a new job so I don't have to consider working away from ds for long hours! (And if you do hear of any web editor vacancies, CAT me, OK?)

I left my 2 kids at home with their dad whilst I tried to make a go of my life. They were 4 and 7 months at the time. As long as they have one parent at home I don't see the difference. What is wrong with either mummy or daddy being the full-time carer?

For me it's less about the child suffering than about the parent missing out on all that time with their child that will never come back.

Nothing wrong with either parent being the main carer. But I personally wouldn't do it unless I seriously had no choice.

This is all such sensitive stuff, isn't it. Don't want to offend anyone. Thought this was canvassing personal feelings rather than inviting condemnation of anyone else.
I wouldn't bunjee jump either.

And just to make it even clearer (!) - I wouldn't do it unless absolutely necessary because I would be so miserable, not because it would harm my kids.

look, no-one, or ok any reasonable person imo, would do this if they had the choice - i'd hate it.

but, never say never, sometimes you just have to bite down and do what's necessary for the family's survival.

haven't seen make me a million or whatever it is, so can't comment on that particular situation.

I did a bit miserable without them it has to be said! Needless to say dh is now working full-time and I'm part-time! But I think it unfair on the men as I'm sure they miss their children just as much as we do, it's just assumed that the mothers take on the full-time role and the poor dads who miss out on all that growing up stuff. One of you has to work so I guess one of you misses out, that's life.

Peronally I couldn't do it either although it would be very tempting but they are small for such a small amount of time. I've become a SAHM for that very reason, some days I don't enjoy it and resent not earning my own money and having some independence but on the whole I love being at home with DD. I never thought I would be a SAHM when we decided to have children though.

The difference is maybe that when dad is working,mum holds the fort.
Generally,when mum works,paid help holds the fort.

I recently read an article about the family of Alison Hargreaves, the mountaineer who died about 10yrs ago whilst climbing Everest, leaving two small children. She got roundly slated in the press for doing something for which a man would have been feted as a hero.

I also know someone whose 2yo ds is regularly looked after for up to two weeks at a time by his grandparents. His parents seem to have no problem at all with not seeing him for extended periods, though sadly the little boy does seem to be suffering from the inconsistencies in his life.

I must admit, living that way is not my bag but if it's what suits you and your family I can't think why you shouldn't do it.

My problem with the mum on "make me a million" was the fact that she crapped on her friend form such a great height becasue she didn't have a boyfreind who could look after her DD 24/7 while she lived in London trying to make a million pounds. So she got her sacked from the company.

That made me mad.

I know its essenital for some people to work (I do part time) and for some to be away. From life experience I can say I feel it is a sacrifice though. DH's mum dragged her self up by her bootstraps if you like. From Single Mum living in a Trailer with nothing - she went to college got a degree and work like mad flying around everywhere and leaving Dh with his grandparents for them to care for much of the time. He believed his mum lived at the airport when he was 5.

NOw years later - she doesn't really know him and while he feels very proud of his mum and protective of her for supporting him and giving him a great inheritance he feels she neglectedhim.