Which is harder - no babies to 1, or 1 to 2....

[Welshmum]

I was just wondering what you found the most difficult - physically and mentally. Going from being without kids to having a baby in your life - or the move from one child to two.

Yeah, I'm with elliot and JimJams - I don't feel I had to give anything up. We don't nip to the cinema like we used to and mid week outings are few and far between these days but that's not really a problem. We have nice meals at the table together when DD is tucked up in bed and we'll get a DVD out or I'll bring a film home from work. We have such a good social life at the weekend that I never feel trapped or bored.
Maybe we were both just really ready to wind our lives down a bit and settled into staying in more during the week because of that. I just really feel that Lottie has slipped into our routine really well during the weekends. We were straight out with her and she sleeps where she's put during the weekends - friends houses etc. I also have a mum who does all the overnight babysitting I need and a dad who'll pop round and babysit at our when required so we are very lucky, plus PIL and Lottie's God-mother are down the road so they do their fair share too. So with that and an easy baby - I would actually use the word easy but I'd also use the word LUCKY!

You certainly are lucky Thomcat (green with envy!!) - obliging family on the doorstep makes all the difference.

But I am sure you can see that it may be different for those without such a support network

Dinosaur,

I could kiss you! at last someone who agrees with me - was beginning to feel like a lone voice in the wilderness.

I absolutely can Lilysmum, absolutely. That's why I put lucky in capital letters. I thank my lucky stars virtually every day. When my childminder handed in her notice, by Mum upped the days she has Lottie and my dad stepped in for one day a week too! I?m also lucky that I have so many close friends so nearby. It works both ways as well. My friend took her husband away for a few night for his birthday and between me and 2 other friends we took her 2 girls for the time they were away. When i went to Ibiza without DH or DD the other day friends stepped in to make sure DH was cool and cooked a meal for him on the Monday night etc!
Sorry, hope you don't think I'm giving it too large here - just telling it like it is and think my friends and family deserve to have their praises sung!
When I was little my mum and some other mums from by school set up a baby-sitting circle so they always had someone to look after us at a drop of a hat. Is that something you could set up with other mums in your area - either through a school or a nct group or something?

Thomcat,

I don't think you are having it too large - I'm pleased for you! (and want your life!)

Anyway I am really going to try and shut up now - feel like I've hijacked welshmum's original post.

Having it large

Seems to be a lot of factors - personality of each child, gap between them, difficulties with having children in the first place, support network, lifestyle before baby and whether wild ways have begun to pale etc.
For me having none was far worse than having 1 or going from 1 to 2 but I'm sure we'd all say that Always looked in awe at friends who had children 2 years or less apart, don't think I could have done that and its seems not uncommon for no 1 and no 2 to be quite close in age and a bit more of a gap before no 3 (not always of course), that must tell you something!

Whoops sorry Welshmum, have gone off on one (as usual) sorry it's easily done as far as i'm corncerned!

This is so interesting, I found one - two the hardest. I honestly assumed it would be a doddle, we had had a prem baby first time around and so that was a shock to the system.

However like lilysmum I wanted a life outside of being a mother, I am a full time working mum and dh and I do go out etc. With 1 I could get babysitters more easily and she came with us whenever we went to someone's house for a party - she slept in her pram until she was 15 months old very easily.

Like Codswollop said with one, the other can get a break sometimes and I have a dh who is happy to look after my girls.

However with two, it is so much harder, particularly when they are both screaming at once, you feel so pulled in every direction and it seems impossible to prioritise which child needs you more!

I knew what I was letting myself in for as far as the basic looking after a baby went, but wasn't prepared to need a million hands to cluch two children, handbag, baby bag, coat of the toddler and her toy monkey, the car keys and a buggy in the middle of a crowded and busy car park!

I don't really have anything to say here since I am expecting DD2 now, but I wanted to keep this thread alive. I do agree with Thunderbird regarding all the different factors involved in what makes a baby 'easy' or 'difficult'. I didn't have such an outgoing or active social life as Lilysmum and others did before DD1, so I'm probably in the camp with the folks who say that they really didn't have to give up that much to have their first baby. My big concern with the next one coming is the effect it will have on our marriage, as mentioned by Sykes, and really my ability to maintain control over my temper when I have 2. I'm afraid that I will just not be able to cope with 2 little ones. Right now, I have a lot of help and work part-time and will have the same after #2, but I'm afriad I'll never feel like I can relax. Any advice on this - to those mums who have 2 or more under 2 or 3 yrs old?

I wanted and have a life outside my DD as well Chrunchie. I've never stopped being me, well maybe a bit during the week but that's cool, at the weekend, on a Saturday night I'm me first and foremost and I also happen to be a mum. I enjoy the balance I have of being a mum, being me and being an employee. I might like to work one day less, so i do 3 days in the office, but apart from that wouldn't change anything.

I wanted and have a life outside my DD as well Chrunchie. I've never stopped being me, well maybe a bit during the week but that's cool, at the weekend, on a Saturday night I'm me first and foremost and I also happen to be a mum. I enjoy the balance I have of being a mum, being me and being an employee. I might like to work one day less, so i do 3 days in the office, but apart from that wouldn't change anything. Will continue this for as long as I can - may not be as simple whjen asking nana to look after 2 grandkids?!

I've got a nearly 3 yr old and a 1 yr old (this w/end!!). I also work 3 days a week. Yeah, you do lose a sense of yourself & there are some things I really miss (reading, films) but I think slowly very slowly, I'm getting my life back. 2 is harder than 1 yes - its a madhouse at mine at teatime etc and when you do get time you want to just veg but I think you will get some time tinyfeet as the weeks go on. I remember dreading it a bit like you as my 1st was very very demanding, but I do think having 2 forces you to make the older one wait sometimes and other times the baby just has to wait and sometimes they both bleedin' do.......

I am now desperate for number 3. Must be as batty as Mrs Bat from Batland........

for me it was no babies of my own to 1!!!

sorry that was wrong none to 1 was easyer than 1 to 2!!!!

We're trying for number 2 and I had a pretty hard time with the arrival of number 1 - I think I've only recently felt vaguely right in the head! (DD is 17 months) Might have done the wrong thing starting tthe thread though - it's kind of confirmed my worst fears and my most anticipated delights......

Coddy, I'll be working from home at this desk and computer, so strangely enough may manage to do the odd mumsnet scan!

0 to 1 definitely - horrendous labour, c-section, depression, confusion.

Even though the first three months of DS2 life has been hard I have known that it would get easier and have had the pleasure of getting to know DS1 properly. It is definitely different being a full time working mum and looking after the kids !!

Now that i can leave the house with the two of them i find that DS2 just gets on with it and is normally to fascinated by DS1's activities to cry for long and if he does well i don't feel that I am being a bad mum by letting him cry !!

kaz33 - how old are your 2? just wondering. sounds like a good interval.

20 months so DS1 is now 2 years 2 months and DS2 is 4 months.

For us the first three months were tough with DS1 becoming very demanding - not helped by losing full time nanny.

I got someone in 2/3 times a week to look after the baby so that I could spend some quality time with DS1, I kept praising DS1 when he did something right. The other thing that has helped is that DS1 is very advanced with his language, she said proudly, so the ability to communicate and the joy of learning to speak sentences has really taken his mind of the baby in the last couple of months.

Saying that DS1 has always been a really good kid not really prone to tantrums, and if he does they do not last long as you can normally distract him. The arrival of DS2 hopefully just appears to have been a three month blimp.

Kaz33, my 2 girls will also be roughly 20 months apart too. Good to hear that the the difficulty only lasted 3 months. If you have any advice on minimizing sibling rivalry or anything else that might make having 2 children 20 months apart, please share. Thanks!

Tinyfeet - the normal advice is that you should try and involve the older sibling as much as possible etc... but at the end of the day they have suddenly had their access to you drastically slashed and understandbly resent the change in their circumstances.

I stopped breast feeding pretty much by 6-7 weeks so that allowed me to get someone in to look after DS2 and spend some time with DS1. Now she comes in on tuesdays and thursdays which means that DS1 understands that he has a couple of days of mum and the rest of the time he has to share her - that has made a huge difference. Obviously a lot more difficult if you intend to breast feed.

So my advice is pretty wossy really ie: get help !!! And, it does get better. Your child will probably be fine for the first few weeks, then regress and then come out of it. I suspect there isn't much you can do about it .