juggling joint finances... any tips?

[waterbaby]

Having accidently hijacked WWW's thread earlier today, I thought it might be easier to set up a different one... the MN court seems to be split on joint accounts versus seperate accounts, and what proprtion of income can be kept seperate as spending money. Any suggestions?

What we are doing at the moment (joint ac and each have a seperate ac from our recent student days, both with overdrafts that are coming down each month so no spare cash in them) doesn't seem to be working very well, so all suggestions welcome! Maybe its working fine but we're not communicating well..

I've just posted on the witch's thread...

I wish I knew the answer to this myself.

I guess it depends really. In our case a joint account would be a terrible idea since I am naturally very frugal (example - I told dp I'm not going to spend a fortune on my wedding dress, but that I'm going to spend more than I've ever spent on a dress before. He said "about £30 then? " and he could be right! ). He, on the other hand is a terrible spend-thrift and a big sucker for gadgets.

But then we have the arguments every month over who should pay what! I think your set-up would be ideal for us. Must mention it to dp.

We have one joint acc into which we pay in an agreed amount to cover all household, child-orientated and other joint payments. Besides that we operate entirely independently, with separate accounts, spending patterns, debts...When I was on maternity leave, we continued to put an agreed amount in the joint account, and then split DH's income and my MA 50;50 into our sole accs to spend/save as we wished. If we agree on expenditure mutually, it comes from joint acc, but if DH wants to buy completely unecessary huge f**k off flatscreen telly, he has to buy it! And on the whole, we never row about money.

We have one account - always have done since we were first together. All the bills come out of it as do all the presents, etc.

We have similar tastes and discuss big items. We do a lot together however, so there's not really a case of DH going out and spending a lot or vice versa.

It works for us. I've always found it strange when we've gone out for dinner with a couple and they've discussed who's turn it is to pay but then people probably find it odd that we know how much our birthday presents cost!

We have one account and it is a total disaster for us as DP is s*te with money and never looks at it. Id love to have seperate accounts but because he travels he has to have credit cards for business and without me to keep some lid on things I hate to imagine what a pickle we would get in.

My favourite is when he went and bought a car without telling me, after I had said that I wasn't sure having test driven the car. Not a cheap car either.

Well as I said on other thread, we have a joint account which we both pay equal amounts into every month from which we pay mortgage, nanny, cleaner etc.

We split the bills so he get elec, I get gas etc (or something like that, ends up about the same).

Everything else is our own. I think it's nice cos you can go out for dinner for eg and then one of us can offer to pay and it feels like a treat!

Also I can buy stuff for me/him/dd and not worry about getting a lecture - and quite honestly it's my money and I'll do what I want with it.

However, when it comes down to it it is all our money really. What diff does it make who buys the shopping, who buys dds clothes. Someone has to buy them and we just sort of take it in turns.

But then we both earn around the same amount so that makes it much simpler.

We have a joint account into which all incomings go, which is now for the first time in our marriage in the black at the end of the month!! We each have our own personal account into which we transfer some money every month, and we use that for treats for ourselves and presents for each other. Everything else comes out of the joint account. We both have the same kind of attitude to money (both pretty tight!) so spending isnt a problem. We also don't regard what we earn as 'my' money, everything that comes in is 'ours'. I'm a SAHM, so don't get paid, but I reckon I'm facilitating dh going to work and so I am 'earning' his money as well. We don't argue about money much, but dh deals with most things, I really must get more of an idea about how it all works, if he crashed the car on the way home tonight I wouldn't know where to start with the finances.

How do you get that tight attitude. Dh and I need it. One minute we are saying how we must cut back and live on baked beans and the next planning some exotic holiday cos we figure we deserve it.

Can't resist expensive wine and food! Don't spend much on clothes or stuff like that but holidays are v important as is nice place to live.

I have Countess tastes with Mrs income.

Separate accounts, although DH's name is on mine he has virtually never dipped into it. DH's current account takes care of house/DIY/Council Tax/utility bills and I/my current account takes care of kid, childcare and food bills. We discuss most other purchases before we buy. DH's current account earns more interest than mine, so we usually spend from my account first for extra purchases (like meals out).

Interesting reading this. I too have Countess (well, Queenlike actually) tastes and a pauper's income, which is a terrible combination. Countess, I think it must make it easier if you both work and both earn around the same amount, sounds like it anyway. I do think probably the ideal situation is that everything goes into a joint account and then each partner has an amount for themselves and that covers luxuries and presents etc. I suppose you have to agree on what constitutes a luxury too though. Susanmt, you're quite right IMO, in being a SAHM you are facilitating your DH working and therefore should be entitled to as much say financially. I'm going to have to put my money where my mouth is on this one once Dp is a SAHD! Kaz33, can't BELIEVE your dh bought a car without telling you! I'd be very cross at that I think.

Do you all think attitudes to money go back to how your parents were about it too?

Yes, yes, yes www re going back to parents attitudes. My mum and dad did not have joint accounts, one paid some bills the other paid the other. But my mum always felt she was paying more, I'm sure of it. Plus my dad always said 'Never rely on a man for money'. These thing stay in your head don't they?

If (IR take note)I was in a co-habiting situation, I would have a joint account into which both paid a portion of income to cover bills and then keep separate accounts. Not just to keep presents etc as suprises but also for protection should the relationship go wrong. I'd want my own funds should I ever need them.

Don't know what I'd do if one partner was staying at home though, probably one reason why I wouldn't feel too comfortable about it, for me. Probably an age thing but, at 38, can't imagine switching my mindset from 'my money' to 'our money'

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Definately not to do with your parents - Mine were/are hopeless with money - once had bailiffs at the door to collect overdue council tax in goods whilst having 5k in a savings account. I OTH am completely anal. I could tell you off the top of my head the balances (to nearest £100 prob) in each of our 5 bank accounts and 6 open credit cards. I have all details on a finance package on home PC, and input everything spent, cash taken out etc. Every weekend I review accounts and transfer money between them to get best interest rates - sad or what. But I have to be completely in control or I panic and don't spend anything.

My god I'm always amazed at how organised everyone is with money as well. We are hopelessly unorganised. Everything has to be paid by direct debit otherwise we just forget. DH has little to do with it- he doesn't spend that much though. I would be annoyed if he just went out and bought a car!

When we moved in together we set up one account. That was before we were engaged. I would actualy have found it very difficult to marry someone who wanted to have seperate accounts. I don't know why. I suppose I do just feel that everything is "ours". It would probably enable us to manage our finances better though (we're always overdrawn). I know dh feels the same- as we've spoken about it. I don't think seperate acounts ever occurred to us tbh.

We pool all "our" money into joint account.We have 2 joint accounts, one for savings which we put X amount in every month plus other savings if we scrimp and go easy for that month and one for a direct debit and other bills.
After buying what is needed for the kids or home, we will see what money is left and buy something for ourselves if needed.We dont usually need anything and spend a proportion of leftover money on going to the pub.
I go into penny pinching mode after school hols ready for xmas.I also buy xmas bargains all through the year as it cuts down the cost.
I see it as all "ours"

Everything goes into one account, all bills paid by direct debit. I sit down at the beginning of the month and work out what other outgoings we have that month - regular ones such as school dinners, childcare etc, and "one-offs" such as birthdays, nights out etc. Then whatever is left is divided between us for the month - with a bit left over for "family money" so we're not arguing about who should buy what. I have to keep tight control over it, or we get carried away, and start buying things we can't afford. And it's got to stop - we can't keep on remortgaging.
It's genuinely never been a problem to do it this way - dh would (and did) get himself into all sorts of trouble if he was in charge of his own money. However, sometimes I do resent the fact that I'm the one "in charge" of it all - it's quite a responsibility.

Emsiewill I'm the same, the one who actually KNOWS when things are due to go in and out of our only joint account. Dh is happy to let me do it as he considers his job is to earn it and mine to manage it (sahm). Since I gave up work as a merchandiser it seemed easy to manage our small budget as opposed to the budgets I had to follow before.
We have one joint account which has all direct debits set up on it. More money goes through that account than commuters go through Waterloo, and as failed direct debits charge upwards of £25 I watch them like a hawk as sometimes money needs to be moved to make the date.
Neither of us are esp good with money so I don't for one minute think we have the perfect solution but we both know that there is nothing hidden and all major purchases are jointly considered. We are on a major "clear those debts phase" at the mo so there aren't any real spending issues.
Only downside I have to admit is how there are rarely any surprises, and yes we often know what eachothers pressies cost but we never begrudge eachother anything, maybe that's why we have these credit card bills

dadslib, I ain't married

IMHO, if you share your lives, you should share everything else. Often it seems that the woman comes of worse in a situation where finances are split, not PC maybe but seems to be common IME. If one of you cannot control overspending though that's another issue.....

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I can't agree Thunderbird, like Lucy I can be pretty frugal and keep a very tight reign on my finances so I look after the joint accounts ( there's trust for you Dadslib!! ) BTW, I too rely on speadsheets to cover budgets etc.

Anyway, DH and I have our own seperate accounts out of which comes our own expenses - clothes, lunch, presents, treats etc. We each keep the same amount of money each month and put the rest into the joint accounts.

Anything to do with the house, the kids, joint holidays etc. is handled from the joint accounts.

I would hate it if DH knew how much I spent on his pressies or if I could never treat him to a meal out or a surprise because it came from 'our' money rather than 'my' money. And if I want to scrimp and save and blow €300 on a pair of boots then it has nothing to do with DH so we don't have any arguments about it.

I find it fascinating all the different ways couples have of managing their finances.

My Dad had his own business and every Friday he would come home and literally throw a load of money into the bottom drawer in their bedroom. My Mums bank account!! He never asked her what she spent the money on!

Emsiewill, I'm with you

I get so fed up with being the one in charge. I've had several periods of really bad rows where I've just wanted to chuck it all at DH & say you sort it out. Of course he won't. He'll whine that he doesn't have any money of his own, but hasn't a clue what comes in or goes out... when he had his own account he just spent whatever came in. Then I'm the bad guy saying "we can't afford it". It doesn't help that he has champagne tastes on beer wages.. Always has to have the biggest TV, the most comfortable car etc

Anyway, we have a joint account where HIS money goes in & the mortgage, insurance & all that stuff goes out, and I have my own account for MY money & I pay for gas, electric, council tax & anything to do with the children. I run both accounts & 11 credit cards & have sleepless nights wondering how we are going to lurch from this week to the next.

How I long for a rich man to come & take me away from all this & never ever have to think about money again.

Tallulah ... I am exactly the same as you ...
When we had separate accounts but had a joint mortgage etc DH got into so much debt that the only thing to do was to have one account.
So now I am a SAHM ... and the only one who seems to care about not being in debt I am in charge of all the finances in our house. My DH moans constantly about it ... hasn't got any money, can't buy you a birthday present because you would know how much it cost, blah blah ...
But I know that if we had two accounts we would be in deep doo doos!!

I am married but we have a joint account for all bills (sat down and worked out how much they came to and put enough for that plus a cushion - I earn more so contribute more). The rest of our money is in our own accounts. We don't keep tabs on what we contribute via food, treats, outings, bottles of wine, holidays and stuff for the children - it just seems to balance out without either of us feeling hard done by. And we can still surprise each other with presents etc without knowing exactly what it cost or resenting the spending. I think it's quite a romantic solution as well as a practical one. And being married doesn't necessariy mean sharing everything. I don't use his razor and he doesn't touch my moisturiser Seriously, I like some independence and, indeed, some solitude and thoughts, ideas and tastes that are mine and mine along even within marriage. But I still would say that we love and trust each other totally.

Talluah and Ghosty - my partner is like yours, always wanting the best of everything but no idea of where the money comes from.

He has to have credit cards as he travels on business so I can never keep control over what he spends - b**y nightmare - and if anything will split up this relationship it will be money....