police, dogs, helicopters torches criminals - yes it happened to me tonight!

[Tortington]

so, i hear the police helicopter - nothing much new there we here it now and again ( not as much as in Oldham) and we kinda get used to the nice background hum it makes.

but the back window was open and it was really loud for ages.

top of my voice - like the classy bird i am i hollar "F&ckin' 'ell, are the paratroopers landin' or what"

dh pulls back the curtains to find many policemen with dogs and torches scouring out back garden. looking in the sheds.

they tap on the back door and ask dh to open the middle shed - which hasn't got a handle on it ( we open it with a screwdriver..again muchio classy) "its never open" says dh.

they go away

another tap on the door. " there is a stolen car been dumped out side your house, someone ran down your alley way can we look in your house... really sorry" he says
" sure" says i " take a good look around - its a bit of a mess make sure you wipe your feet...on the way out"

so he goes no further than the kitchen and asks who is in the house. we duly parade family infront of the policeman who takes partic interest in my 15 year old. " has he been here all night?"
"yes, with his girlfriend" says i.
he goes out again.

we settle down theres another tap on the back door.
"look, says the police man, we ran the tape from the copter whoever ran down your alley did not get as far as your back fence"

right - sh*t thinks i, there gonna arrest my ds for sommat hes not done.
dh says " lets look in the middle shed ( the one with no handle) lets look anyway just to be sure " so he grabs a screwdriver and as hes about to open the door a fella shouts " am commin' out, am comin out"
dh runs indors shut the door - policeman shouts " behave your self or i will tw@t you - got it"
which made me giggle actually

lots of palava in the garden we cant see - meanwhile dh says " sh*t, they might think i was hiding him or sommat - quick light a fag up it might be the only one i get for the next 4 hours"

another knock on back door - policeman immediatley shakes dh hand and profusely apologises to ds and readily admit they were gunning for him. he apologised again and then went.

so that was my very exciting evening. how impressed are you? no am not making this sh*t up i promise.

blimey.. your life Custy..
beats the pants off Ross Kemp et al...!!

You ok?

fine - really good.. beat the crap outta watchin tonights telly

so ds is having 'nooky' in your house now??!!!

How did he get in the shed without a screwdriver?? Sounds very exciting. Your poor DS though

well ds and girlfriend opened shed earlier to get out stuff to burn on bonty - so was open earlier.

was very exciting

Wow Custardo, very impressive! Glad everyone is OK!

"no shaggin" in the house you told Ds and girlfriend.

They were in the middle shed

PMSL (a lot!!) at your DH having his final fag

That is sooo cool! He picked the wrong house there, I'd be more scared of coming up against Custy than the pigs, I mean, police!

Message withdrawn

Glad you are all ok Beats the crap friday night tv for sure

At least they weren't circling over your house b/c some armed carjacker was running round loose in your neighbourhood. Yep, it happened to me.

Another time, I was enjoying a Saturday night on the p*&s as usual with some pals in my flat in the Cap Hill area of Denver.

When we all heard screeching tires in the car park outside and the unmistakable 'pop, pop' of bullets. We ran into the hall. Sirens and choppers soon followed.

Turns out to be a road rage incident on the street out in front and one of the participants chased the other car into our car park, whereupon the occupants of both cars got out and started firing at one another. Nice.

There were bullet holes in my building.

bullet holes serve for a much better story thats for sure! i bet the adrenalin was pumping after that

Scared the living HELL out of us. We were in hall like a bunch of nutters, even the cat leapt out from under the bed. I mean, is an argument over someone cutting you up on the road really worth shooting someone over? FFS!

That sobered me out fast enough.

They apparently ran down the alleyway and into the next road and were apprehended there.

Custy, was the g/friend still there at the time? Wonder what she thought while all that was going on

You could make a fortune writing pulp fiction with your hilarious turns of phrase

I had one in Brighton where a man jumped over a wall into my courtyard. When I "challenged" him, ie "Who are you?" shouted out of a window, he said, "It's all right luv, Police" flashing his (badge) at me.

I said "Wot do you wan?" He said, "I'm chasing 2 guys who have held up the local newsagent with a sawn-off shotgun. Seen anyone answering that description?"

I said "No" and shut the window fast.

Read all about it next day in the local paper where the local newsagent had picked up a stick he kept behind the till and smashed the sawn-off out of the crim's hands and then set about the crims until they ran off down the road and supposedly leapt over my wall to get away

Bloody hell custy, what drama! Thank god they got him and not your boy.

Blimey!!!!!

Hell! Your poor DS and DH. What an evening.

I have a freind in Brighton who was burgled while he was asleep woke up and found the house ransacked. Anyway they came back 2 weeks later - hoping for Insurance replacements I think. Anyway he's a very very keen diver - he leapt out of bed, grabbed his harpoon gun (no joke) and legged it after them down the road threatening them with this harpoon gun - completely starkers as he always sleeps in the all toghether. NOt sure what scared the burglars more - him naked or the harpoon!

lol about the fag tho

Wow Custy! What a tale.

I heard sirens and helicopters earlier on. I can here everything that goes on in Brighton up here on my hill. So they were round your gaff. Well well well!

I fairly regularly, but unwittingly, found myself in crime scenes when living in Brixton and Stockwell. But I thought I'd moved into poshville here in Brighton.

Ah well! Next stop Lewes then.

What would you have done if Custardo Jnr had been hauled in by the police? I would have gone crazy!
Can't believe they accused him!

Yes ginger that would get my hackles right up too. I'd have probably lost it with them and been arrested for going beserk.

Sounds like you did well not to lose it with them custy.

well they have his finger prints from when he broke a window with a tennis ball and owned up ( silly sod)

so don't know what they could have done really.

he thinks hes a gangsta now. the police come knockin - nearly takin him in. he thinks hes got some kind of misplaced cred.

shit himself in reality though.

"obviously we had you on our radar" police said to ds. - cos he was honest thats fkin why. have told him next time he breaks anything accidentally to run off quick and not get caught.