RAISE REQUEST
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends or public holidays off
I work in a damp environment
I work in high temperatures
I sometimes have to do all the work
My work exposes me to contagious diseases
Yours sincerely, The Penis
Dear Penis
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
locations
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such as the
correct safety clothing
You will retire well before you are 65
You are unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
the assigned task
And, if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.