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Original poster

MIL told me she narly had dh aborted

11 replies

Northerner · 24/09/2003 11:35

Hi Folks

I don't really know what I'm expecting you all to say on this, but I just feel in a pickle and posting this will probably help.

On Saturday night my MIL got a bit tipsy on red wine (regular occurance) and the conversation got round to children etc. She proceded to tell me that she had an abortion planned when she found out she was expecting her second child (my dh) My dh is 18 months younger than his brother, and she couldn't cope with her first baby. She says that my FIL (they are now divorced) knew about the abortion and even booked and paid for it and was planning on driving her to the clinic. Apparantly he was not happy when she decided to keep the baby. Of course she begged me not to tell my dh and he will be upset. I tell my dh everything and he does me. I know I shouldn't tell him, but what if he finds out himself one day and he's knows I knew IYKWIM. He would be more upset about his Dads aproval of the abortion, as dh and his Dad have rather alot of 'issues' concerning dh's childhood anyway. This would make things totally worse. Should I let sleeping dogs lie? Does it really matter anyway - as it's not 'him' they didn't want, but an unborn child they didn' yet love?

Sorry for rambling on, but I kind of feel better now.

OP posts:
pie · 24/09/2003 11:42

Don't tell him, he will be so hurt.

Not the same people, but my mum told me years ago that by dad wanted her to abort my brother, blazing rows, she broke a chair over his head, nearly split up over it...anyway my brother is 25 in a couple of weeks and knows nothing of this. It would devestate him. My mum told me not to tell my brother, not that I would have anway, but I know that she wouldn't (nor would my dad) ever tell him now...if you can be sure they won't ever say anything then I think it would be best you don't too.

Your MIL was probably looking to offload this terrible secret, and probably regrets telling you, rather than anyone else. If you decide not to tell him you should let her know this, incase she thinks that you are going to tell him and should hear it from her first, iykwim. Its a horrid horrid position she has put you in, and my heart goes out to you.

{{HUGS{}}}

lucy123 · 24/09/2003 11:45

Northerner, I think you know what the best thing is.

As you say, it wasn't your dh they didn't want, but people do find these kinds of things very upsetting. I would not tell him - in the unlikely event that he finds out in the future and finds out that you knew about it, you can say that you must have been tipsy too and have forgotten!

SoupDragon · 24/09/2003 11:47

OMG no! Don't tell him. He really doesn't need to know. Not quite the same but I feel rather odd knowing I was an accident, albeit a happy one. I think this would be devastating news to your DH.

a) Does he know you post on Mumsnet and
b) Could he guess who you were if he looked

If so, I'd get this thread deleted if I were you.

WSM · 24/09/2003 11:56

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, no matter how hard it is for you to keep a secret like this from your DH it will be 1000 times worse for him if you decided to tell him. As you say, your DH is very much here and is very much loved by his mother, please don't harm your relationships with him, or his mother or DH/mother by letting out what was probably a drunken slip on the part of his mother.

Jenie · 24/09/2003 12:06

I agree say nothing and deny all knowledge if faced with it again. What a terrible position for you to be in! Good luck.

Janstar · 24/09/2003 12:34

I agree that there is no point telling him something that will only hurt him. Your MIL should never have told you.

Pie, good on your mum! What a fiesty woman.

Original poster
Northerner · 24/09/2003 12:35

Soupie - No there is absolutley no chance he could ever read this. Computer iliterate describes my dh perfectly! But thanks anyway!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 24/09/2003 12:37

Phew!

CathB · 24/09/2003 12:46

Dont tell him would be my advice. She is very unlikely to tell him. My mother who is a bit tactless at the best of times makes no secret about the gin and hot baths used (unsuccesfully) to shift me. While I have every sympathy it being the early 60s and her being very young. I would still rather not know, because it opens up so many other things that I dont want to know about.

FairyMum · 24/09/2003 13:19

Don't tell him. He will never find out, and even if he did find out that you knew, he would understand that you kept it from him not to hurt him.

charliecat · 24/09/2003 15:57

My mum was on the way to the clinic to get rid of me when she had an accident in the car so she missed the appointment, i think my sister told me when i was about 14. She had her reasons, 2 kids already and an abusive relationship, but she didnt...as fate decided and here i am. Oh and i didnt know then i never would have guessed, my mum loves me to bits.
If he ever does find out i do think its a good idea for you to pretend you had drunkenly frogot though.

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