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Original poster

I need sensible MN to help me deal with this....

21 replies

unicorn · 01/11/2005 21:55

Basically, I have been arranging a nursery xmas theatre trip and have collected all the money and bought the tickets.

Well, 1 parent assured me that he had give the correct money in an envelope - he hadn't (didn't get chance to see them before half term) and I am now out of pocket.

I broached him about it this morning (pre nursery) and he was agressive/defensive - adamant that he had given the correct money.

I know he didn't.

I let it go this morning (as it was prior to nursery - in playground) but the whole thing has churned me up - basically he is implying that I am lying. It is his word against mine.

So what do I do now? - It isn't so much the money issue, but the fact that he is suggesting I am in the wrong.

I am really p*ssed off.

OP posts:

Pagan · 01/11/2005 21:57

Is it a lot of money? I think in this case you have to just let it slide rather than let it eat you up. Perhaps in the future you could hint that you're not prepared to organise anything else as it's more hassle than it's worth whilst drawing him a knowing look!

JanH · 01/11/2005 21:57

Was it a sealed envelope and when you opened it the money was short?

iota · 01/11/2005 21:57

IME getting the money in is always a problem -- I wouldn't give him a ticket unless he paid up. And next time don't buy any that you don't have the money for

JanH · 01/11/2005 21:59

It's your word that matters - if he hasn't paid enough, refund what he has paid and don't give him a ticket. (And no, don't organise another trip. Life's too short for the aggro!)

Original poster

unicorn · 01/11/2005 22:07

no it isn't a lot of money.. but he is saying he gave the full amount, and I know he didn't.. so even if I refund what he did give he would reckon I have 'stole' the rest !!!

ffs.. this is a NURSERY day trip that I have sorted myself.. and please believe me I am not remotely interested in nicking 4 pounds!!!!

My prob now is I cannot look at this guy - and he will be the father of a boy in my ds year for the next 6 years... so I could do with sorting it somehow...

But I am not rolling over and letting it go... it aint the money... it is the principle.. how DARE he suggest/imply I am lying?

But how to tackle - given there is no real witnesses.. and no evidence.. and he says one thing and I say the other?

If I go with him then I am being a coward (the guy is a bully) so I need to do something... it is just how and what!!!??

OP posts:

kid · 01/11/2005 22:12

Are any of the nursery staff aware of the problem? I agree that you shouldn't just accept his word when you know the money wasn't there. How about ask him who put the money in the envelope (maybe his wife/partner) and then get him to check with them how much they put in. Hopefully if he sees you are not going to back down, he might say it was X's mistake not his.
Whatever happens though, I wouldn't let him come on the trip, even if it meant refunding him and being £4 out of pocket. Make sure you let someone else know what he has done too so if something similar happens in the future.

JanH · 01/11/2005 22:14

Ohh, unicorn, sympathy, I would hate this too.

If you stand up to him won't he back down? Isn't he just trying it on?

And anyway, having disputed the amount in the first place, if you make up the difference now it looks as if you were wrong, and are now trying to put it right. You do need to stand firm but I can see how hard that is

Original poster

unicorn · 01/11/2005 22:20

No this was purely a parent (er me)iniative, and I have had no problems at all, apart from him.

He did give his money in an envelope (the only person to do so) and I remember at time asking did he need a pound change (thinking it was a tenner) and him saying no it was the correct amount....

but.. (this was just prior to nursey drop off - so v busy) I also remember thinking there were no coins in this envelope - so maybe he had stuck a tenner in.....

I got home opened it and there was just a 5 pound note... defo NO coins. (the cost for 2 tickets is 9 pounds)

I told the nanny who collects the child at pick up about the shortage...... then it was half term.. (I had to buy tickets before we came back coz of price hike after half term)

So today is first chance I have had of talking face to face.. and this is what happened.

OP posts:

princesspeahead · 01/11/2005 22:24

he is trying to get one over you.
call his bluff. tell him there was only five pounds in there, did he think he had put in a tenner? (to give him an "out" without losing face). Ask him for the remaining £4 and if he refuses then give him the £5 back and tell him that you are sorry, you can't subsidise him.

you may need to see him for the next 6 years but in that case it is even MORE worthwhile letting him know you can't be bullied/ripped off. Honestly what a tosser.

Original poster

unicorn · 01/11/2005 22:31

pph he is a tosser, I mean ffs Why does he need to get one over me?

If, for 1 second I believed that he really believed he had put the right money in, I wouldn't be sooooo bothered... but I reckon his aggressive stance suggested he was 'ready' for me
(wow scary dude taking on a mum at nursery gates!!!)

But (and you are a lawyer aren't you?) if I do as you say he could accuse me of stealing his 4 quid !!!!!!

No win situation.

OP posts:

Original poster

unicorn · 01/11/2005 22:37

pph - I also showed him the envelope that I had opened - with his fiver still in it , and I had written .. xxx owes 4 pound on the outside (immediately after opening).... and he wa still not accepting what I said.

OP posts:

noops · 01/11/2005 22:40

do you know what?
i reckon i would just come to some arrangement with him and agree to split the difference. You are not going to win with him...and how much energy do you want to spend on it?
just smile and give him £2 and then tell him to f off under your breath
i am sure he is doing it to see how upset ytou get, and if you don't and try to come to some reasonable comprimise, he hasn't really had much entertaqinment has he?
do it in front of somebody though and try not to get involved with him again..
what goes around and all that.
life is toooo short to really let this man get to you, and the sheer satisfaction of not getting into a locked horn situation with hima nd basically not letting it bother you any more should make you feel like the bigger person i reckon.
hth

princesspeahead · 01/11/2005 22:45

let him accuse you of taking the £4. so what? Next time you see him, give him the envelope with the £5, complete with the note on the front, and tell him that you are afraid if you don't have the right money he can't come, although you'd be very pleased if he would. If you are very bland and smiley and look rather uncomprehending and thick about it all while he rants, and keep saying "but I'm afraid you don't understand, it costs £9, not £5, and there was only a fiver and no coins in this envelope", then EVERYONE who sees you/hears about it will assume that he is a liar and you are telling the truth. Why would you lie? Why would you nick £4 off one bloke and make it public? Much more sensible to overcharge everyone by a quid and embezzle a tenner!!!

I hate bullies.

Original poster

unicorn · 01/11/2005 23:29

me too..
just been telling a pal.... bullies and injustice really get my goat.

noops... I know life is too short etc, but why should he get away with a cut price ticket deal when everyone else has paid up legitimately?
If, as I say he was remotely apologetic/sympathetic etc then, just maybe, I could have let this go.. but he (in hindsight) was very bullying - and I was completely taken aback.

Nope, I shall do something as soon as I can.

I really wouldn't feel comfortable knowing he had 'got away with it' IYKWIM.

Whatever I do though I shall get witnesses.

OP posts:

Ronniebaby · 02/11/2005 00:25

if tickets are say £4.50 each then only give him 1 ticket and 50p change, as that is all he has paid for, see then if he coughs up the rest

Pixiefish · 02/11/2005 00:31

I'd put this down to experience and just swallow it. I know he's a bully but if I were you I'd take the moral high ground and just let him go to the event. in future though I would check any envelopes in front of the people and make a point of telling this story and hwo you ended up out of pocket because of it

essbee · 02/11/2005 00:34

Message withdrawn

Original poster

unicorn · 02/11/2005 09:11

UPDATE!!!!

Spoke to the Mrs this morning (he wasn't there)..I said there had been a misunderstanding, and that I was 4 pound short.

She assured me that SHE put the money in envelope .. but then remembered her dh (tosspot)took the coins out to change the 2x50 ps for a pound coin.

She still believes that he put it all back in the envelope though.
I told her that there was definately NO coinage in the envelope.

It was back and forward until I said well as I see it there are 2 options... I give you back the fiver and we sell the tickets to someone else... or you pay me the 4 and you have the tickets...
She paid.
No doubt HE will be spitting blood now.

Thanks all.

OP posts:

princesspeahead · 02/11/2005 12:03

whoop whoop whoop!
WELL DONE, they sound like a horrid couple.

honour restored!

hub2dee · 02/11/2005 12:44

Sounds like he can't count, eh, unicorn.

Wow, what needlessly negative vibes. Glad you got it sorted. Sounds like he nicked the money out of the envelope and bet on your not rumbling him by speaking to his wife, LOL.

Glad it's sorted. Little things like that can really wound one up.

Enjoy your trip !

Marina · 02/11/2005 12:46

Excellent. There was no way you should have been out of pocket on this Unicorn. Enjoy the trip.

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