Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

need someone to talk to...

11 replies

lovemybabydoll · 10/04/2011 16:07

I found out that my husband has been cheating on me since before our marriage. We have a 2 yr old DD and I am 4 mnths pregnant with our 2nd. I found out last June and he said that he will change. I stayed with him for my DD's sake (honest). Now, I found out he has been at it again - on the eve of my birthday!
I have started packing and am ready to leave in a few days time.

Can anyone tell me what this will do to my DD? It breaks my heart to take her away from her daddy but I am NOT happy and have not been since we got married 2 years ago!
Any advice will help please?

OP posts:
Dilligaf81 · 10/04/2011 16:11

Im soo sorry - bastard.
My mum and dad seperated when I was 9 but my DB was 3 and he cant remember all the crap that went on in their marriage so it was a positive thing.
Will you let him have access ? If so at least the time she has with daddy will be about her and no atmosphere.
I know it will be breaking your heart but HE has made this happen not you, you gave him more than enough time to change and he chose not to.

Original poster
lovemybabydoll · 10/04/2011 16:15

I am going to see a Lawyer this week. The horrible thing is that he was married before and I gave him a chance. I loved him for him and not the fact that he had added baggage. I wish I lookd more into his past and thought about it more but instead I followed my heart.
When I say 'cheat', he has slept with a prostitute in Thailand when I was 8 months pregnant, he has placed himself on 3 internet dating sites, he has been on porn websites constantly (eve of my b'day) and blames all on an addiction!
I hold my anger and have NEVER fought in front of my DD cos it is not her fault. We always argue when she is asleep or at nursery. She is almost 2 and has never ever seen me cry. I love her to bits but what to do?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 10/04/2011 16:29

your dd will be better off,but if possible,get some proof of all these goings on!!

if he wants access later and you ever have 'concerns' about inappropriate goings on/comings and goings/internet images your dc may view,then you will need solid proof if you ever decide to restrict access

i'm thinking ahead here...he's not likely to change these habits. internet makes it easy for him to get into alsorts of situations

print off a few pages of what he's been up to

Original poster
lovemybabydoll · 10/04/2011 18:01

hi
already have done. have all the email proof too cos i cracked into his email account that he hid from me.
why do they do this???

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 10/04/2011 18:06

cos they can! internet makes it so easy.

MillsAndDoom · 10/04/2011 18:29

This is a fairly quiet board but you may find lots of useful info on the Relationships board where sadly many women have experienced similar.

Dilligaf81 · 10/04/2011 20:27

Hi sorry I posted and ran (4 hungrys DC's) TBH when you say 'cheating' I think seeing a prostitute is much worse than a work fling. Its soo cold and calculating, it's not a case of too much beer, working closly etc (not that I think that's ok) He had to think about it and pay for it.

Even if if he is addicted (which I really doubt) he's had ample chances and a previous marriage he is a selfish tw*t and you and your DC deserve much better.

Does he know you are leaving ?

If not and you are getting away quickly there is a list on the womens aid site telling you what to take (DD'S red book etc)

Original poster
lovemybabydoll · 10/04/2011 21:04

Thx dilfg81, if I didn't have my DD last summer, I would have left him for sure.

Yes he does know and I am moving to our other house which is 5 mins drive away until I finally decide what to do with our business locally...etc. Also my DD can remain settled in her local Nursery and activities until I decide where to go next.
All my family are abroad and have no immediate family in UK. His parents are useless too - I told them what their son did to me when I found out and till today, they never gave me a call to ask me how I am? So I gave up on them altogether.
I have some good friends 75 miles away but it's not about that, it's about me being happy and seeing this pregnancy trhough and preparing for it too.
I am so pissed because when he was trying to court me, I made it clear to him how important my family will be to me and that that is all I have worked for. He appeared to be the most humble guy who adored me so much but as soon as he 'bagged me', it was all horrible.
Why do they do that? I have never hurt anyone in my life, I cannot imagine doing anything like this to anyone and I am 33 years old. He is 43.
:(

OP posts:
Dilligaf81 · 10/04/2011 21:19

He has 'issues' would be an easy answer but tbh I think he probably likes the chase when it's all new and exciting but cant handle real life.
If he's 43 Im guessing his parents are approaching their 70's and wont like to interfere.
Your right your's and your DC's happiness is the inmportant thing, I would recomend getting to some playgroups (if work allows) to make sure your not sat around (if this is possible with DC) and build up some new friends. Maybe your MW has a list of mum to be groups.

Well done it's a big thing your doing and giving your DD an example of a strong resolute women.xx

Original poster
lovemybabydoll · 10/04/2011 21:33

Thx I know but why does it hurt so much?
I went on the 'relationships' board and it's very confusing to me right now.
x

OP posts:
Dilligaf81 · 10/04/2011 22:17

It hurts because you love him (you cant turn it off overnight) you had choosen him to be the father of your children and for you to be a family. He made you believe this was what he wanted too.

He has lied all through your relationship.

PM me if you want a chat xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread