BIG KIDS...

[pfer]

DS1 has made a friend at long last (he's quite shy), but the little angel in question is enormous! DS1 is average height etc (going by everyone else in his playgroup) but his buddy is a good foot taller and broader too. He's a lovely little lad and I'm so glad DS has got a friend, it's just that, well, DS1 isn't allowed to watch things with a lot of fighting in on TV as he's only little and can't distinguish between reality and the TV world. And as DS2 isn't big enough to defend himself we've made the choice to keep an eye on what DS1 watches as he does have a tendancy to get carried away (must point out we're not just assuming that he'll try to hit ds2 after watching these programmes it's actually happened a few times so that's why they're banned). My prob is that DS1's friend is a only child (so his parents don't have a baby to worry about), enormous, goes to self defence classes and watches these programmes. I noticed on our last playdate that there was an awful lot of pushing over going on and I can now see where DS1 has been getting it from. His friend being so much bigger also has a bit of an unfair advantage. I don't want to come across as a tyrant but I can't have the pushing and shoving going on in my home when DS2 is still so little, and DS1 is becoming more and more 'violent' since spending time with his new friend. What do I do?

Firstly it is quite acceptable to tell child to stop pushing when he is in your house especially with a baby around. Waht age is DS1? you may have to accept that DS1 will become more physical when playing as long as it doesn't become violent its quite normal for them to be a bit more boisterous then perhaps you are used to.

My DS although being tall and very strong but was a total push over and we had to let him know it was OK to push back and not to get pushed out of lines etc. He was more of a charmer and would let others push in in front and just smile at them. He is better now but we have to watch how he deals with things as he has a terrible rage. No easy answer really.

ds1 is 3ys 9m, as is his friend. ds1 wears 3-4yrs clothing, his friend wears 5yrs. i understand that boys are boisterous, i accept that, but they are so diff in size that ds1 gets pushed right over, he also got pushed off the bed against the wall & banged his head quite hard and cried for ages. i just don't want him going to his friends house and getting hurt.

It is difficult when kids are so different physicly, but I suppose once he starts school he will be out in the playground with all shapes and sizes and he will have to stand up for himself. I would continue to let the boy play round at your house so you can monitor the play as it doesn't seem malicious just bousterous.

I'm finding the same now ds1 is in reception, pfer. He is smaller than average for his age and many of them are bigger than him - they are all into Power Rangers but mine have never seen it.

Nevertheless, ds1 is now really into playing it (even though he only knows what he's picked up from school) - he's fine at school and I guess it's just teh way it goes but I still say it's not allowed at home and would enforce this when friends came too. I too have little ones (one is just 3 and one is 14 months).

Gobbledispook - glad to here the kids got to school on tim - I've still got another week here...

Calm...deep breathing!

i have a similar problem,my ds best mate is very physical ,goes to judo and my house gets trashed when he is around,Ds is not tiny but not anywhere as big as his mate(who looks a good yr older!)They are good friends tho and nothing is done in malice so i put up with it,obviously not letting it get out of hand,but he alaways comes here ,my ds wouldnt go alone to his mates as his mum just lets them get on with it and often it is a bit much.One thing,i think my friend lets them get on with it a she is busy WITH THE BABY ,whilst as my ds is a weird only child i have plenty of time on my hands to keep an eye on them.I sympathise but its nowt to do with being an only or having siblings,its just different children and what they are into or allowed to do at home,sorry,but if you had described him, as say, coming from a single parent family (being the reason for his behaviour)instead of a being an only child it wouldnt be acceptable.

Interstella, I think you may have taken what I said a little wrong , what I meant was that we keep an eye on DS1's tv viewing and violence related activities (???!!??), more than we probably would normally BECAUSE we have DS2 who still needs a lot of defending. If we didn't have him then DS1 may be able to get a little more rowdy. He gets quite lively most of the time anyway which we like, as he should be able to, but I just feel that at this age they don't know the difference between reality and pretend (TV).

DS1's mate doesn't have that and I get the impression that they are just left to their own devices most of the time (not like your situation where the other mum is looking after a baby).

I'm looking after DS2 when DS1 has playdates but I don't leave them to sort themselves out, I take them all to the park, do a bit of baking with them etc. TRY to keep them occupied so they don't have to resort to shoving each other off the bed etc. just to stop themselves being bored.

We have a zero tolerance attitude on any sort of violence in our house, whether it be the kids against each other or us against the kids, it's just not done in our house. Yes they are only playing and none of it's done in malice but people can still get hurt. Imagine how you'd feel if you had a kid over at your house and you weren't keeping a reasonable eye on them and you had to phone their mum to tell them they'd been hurt....it'd be awful.

Also, sorry to go on, but on the playdate DS1 and friend were on a climbing frame and the friend was starting to get shovey. Luckily I was very close by keeping an eye on the situation (as there'd already been pushing about) and made them get down. If I had been sat on the bench further away I wouldn't have been able to stop them and DS1 would more than likely have been pushed off the climbing frame and probably ended up with a cast on his arm or worse. He'd always come out worse because of the size difference and the fact that his friend is taking classes to learn how to hit people properly and his hero's are the power rangers. Sorry, but DS1 wasn't pushing and kicky until they became friends and I would rather have waited a little longer before he did get like that....

Just so as you can get an idea of the size difference here, DS1 can jump up and down on his sandpit lid and it's fine. His pal sat on it and broke it.....

And don't anyone get me wrong, the little fellow is lovely, just a bit "hitty".