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Original poster

OK - so I know he's being unreasonable.....but might he have a point?

17 replies

katymac · 29/10/2005 23:31

DH is a childminder (as am I)

We recently went on a childminding day (training/networking/nice lunch etc)

DH has a lot of pressure put on him to attend (as he is male and a good role model etc)

He walks in (only male in building - 6ft 2 & grinning) and the theme for the day was "Yummy Mummys"

He felt isolated and very visible when the introduction was all about childminders being "mummies" and providing care

He put this on the feedback form and was told "well it's only a charity thing" and he was questioned for feeling uncomfortable.

Was he being overly selfconsious or was it reasonable to feel 'excluded'?

OP posts:
Gomez · 29/10/2005 23:35

Think he was spot on to feel peeved TBH.

ScummyMummy · 29/10/2005 23:35

Um dunno. Was he expecting them to do something differently?

GeorgieVickyLou · 29/10/2005 23:35

I think he has a point, imagine it the other way round, you are the only female etc..

Aero · 29/10/2005 23:35

tOTALLY REASONABLE TO FEEL EXCLUDED. Oops - sorry for caps. They could at least have mentioned it beforehand, then he could have made a decision whether or not to attend, but don't think it was very clever of them to do something which clearly isn't designed for men.

Original poster
katymac · 29/10/2005 23:36

No - but if I went to a works do and the theme was male orientated I might complain esp if I were the only woman

OP posts:
HRHQoQ · 29/10/2005 23:39

I'd say he's get a very reasonable point - I thought we were trying to encourage more men to do "womens" jobs, not just encourage women to do "mens"......

ScummyMummy · 29/10/2005 23:41

yummy mummies seems like a bit of a pants theme for either gender to me! What was the point of the session?

ThomBat · 29/10/2005 23:43

He has every right to feel isolated and they should certainly not questioned his feedback in a defensive way, which I get the impression they did. Yummy bloody mummies, sounds shit anyway , tell him to rise above it, he's fab, doing a great job and it was a crappy day that could never teach him anything, he cpould teach them a thing or two though.

Yeah MrKatyMac - you rock, keep doing what your doing, yummy mummies can shove it where the sun don't shine - you're Daddy Cool!

buffytheharpsichordcarrier · 29/10/2005 23:43

absolutely reasonable of him to feel excluded because, er, he WAS excluded
very poor show
I have often been the only woman in this situation and there is NOTHING more irritating than this kind of thing - golfing analogies, or sporting references (I KNOW some women enjoy sport too, but it certainly felt exclusionary) and this was nowhere near as extreme as this.
"only a charity thing" is not helpful either

Original poster
katymac · 29/10/2005 23:44

Instead of getting a goodie bag we were getting a charity bracelet

No a problem in itself (tho' the bracelets are a bit girly - DD loved his) really like the charity idea, just feel they could have picked a bit more carefully (maybe a children's charity?)

The intro just went on about the corolation between mummies and childminders - maybe it was just a bit thoughtless

OP posts:
moondog · 29/10/2005 23:44

Yes but he was the only bloke wasn't he???

paolosgirl · 29/10/2005 23:47

Yes, he was right to feel excluded. It's a shame, beacuse I think more men should be in childcare, teaching etc, and I'm not sure that this kind of thing exactly encourages it - nor does it show that fathers are recognised. Pretty poor show IMO.

Original poster
katymac · 29/10/2005 23:48

We have been to lots of these (maybe 5 or 6 a year) he is always the lone bloke (at the AGM this year all 6 men sttod up and got a clap - for being brave enough to come)

This is the first time he has felt "out of place" tho'

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CountessDracula · 29/10/2005 23:49

v odd theme IMO. Why do they assume all childminders are mothers at all let alone female?

Surely some childminders are not mothers?

DD has a male keyworker at nursery and I was delighted about it, much more balanced to have men around too, I think it's a shame if they get excluded in this way

Gomez · 29/10/2005 23:52

What is a yummy mummy? I think I might have been offended and am reasonably sure I have the correct gender at least.

buffytheharpsichordcarrier · 29/10/2005 23:52

yes and presumably they KNEW a man was coming from the guest list...

Original poster
katymac · 29/10/2005 23:58

Buffy - they begged him to come....actually phoned and asked if he could make it (of course if I were cynical I'd suggests that the reason could be

  1. that he is male
  2. that he is black
  3. before he minded he was a househusband
  4. that he is disabled......

....if he was gay he'd tick every box on the form)

But I'm not that cynical

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