Had a fright with ds2 and can't get over it

[ponygirl]

On Tuesday, ds2 (2.8) was running about upstairs with ds1 and dd and fell down a short flight of 4 steps. Ds1 came running down to tell me he'd fallen. Dh and I are both sure that we heard him crying. I went up the stairs, reminding ds1 not to to play on/near the stairs, and when I got to the top found ds2 lying on all fours. I dragged him onto my lap, but he was a complete dead weight and I sat him up he just flopped backwards, staring up, face white, lips blue and he wasn't breathing. I gave him a couple of wallops on the back and he started to cry and the colour came right back. Ten minutes later he was running around, laughing.
But I keep seeing him in my mind's eye, floppy, white, blue lips not breathing. I'm terrified. So many 'what ifs': what if I hadn't heard him fall? hadn't gone straight to him? I'm so aware of how fragile that link is between alive and not. I can't get it out of my head, even though he really is absolutely fine. I just want to cry! I'm hoping sharing this with you guys is going to help, because right now I've lost all perspective. The more I think about it the worse I feel!

Oh god, ponygirl - that sounds so scary I'm not sure I can help particularly but I think it's a fairly logical reaction on your part to such a near miss. Give them both lots of hugs (which I'm sure you're doing already after that experience!), and arrange to something really special at the weekend with them perhaps? Could you perhaps sign yourself up on a first aid for children course so you can start to feel a bit more in control (or refresh your memory if you've already done one)?

Well done you for reacting so fast. You did brilliantly. You wouldn't have had time to think about the "what ifs" at the time, so it's only natural now you're all safe and it's over to have it sink in.

Lots of treats for everyone this weekend, I think.

Poor, poor you.

Had a similar experience in the summer when dd3 (age 4) fell into a swimming pool. Lots of adults around, lots of people in the pool which was why we didn't notice her for a while. Those few seconds of fishing her out and not knowing what we'd find... just horrible.

I kept reminding myself that life does turn on a knife edge such a lot of the time. When you're in the car a couple of inches or a couple of seconds is all that stands between any of us and the mortuary. Sometimes you slightly oversteer or take a bend too fast and think 'yikes that was a bit close' and drive on without thinking too much more about it. It could have been awful, it wasn't.

When you relive those moments, just put it back into its box and remember that it was OK because you were there, you were in control and you did the right thing.

Thanks, you two! 3Princesses, it's funny you should use the car analogy. Two months ago I crashed my car with my mother in it and all three of my children and wrote it off. I was only doing about 10/15 mph and there was loads of room in front of me, when the car ahead braked sharply. I braked but it was pouring with rain and the car just glided over the gap and into the back of the car in front. Since then I've been quite a tense driver, I'm always so conscious of what could happen. And I wasn't reckless before! I had to force myself to drive again straight away, otherwise I could see me developing quite a problem with it. I live in a village so have to drive for anything other than basic shopping, taking the children out etc. I'd go stark staring mad if I couldn't leave the village, fond though I am of it. And I've always loved driving and I refuse to have that taken away from me! It's taking quite an effort to overcome though. This is another reminder of close we always are to disaster.

Doing a first aid course is always a good idea. I used to have nightmares about my kids choking and not knowing what to do, but now at least I have the knowledge and it makes me feel a little better.

You've just gotta think, you were there, you did what was right, he had probably swallowed his tongue, but you managed, you didn't panic and he is absolutely fine now and probably won't even remember it! If anything it's a credit to you for staying so cool and calm.

Thanks RRW! I agree with you and GA - think maybe a first aid course would help me feel a bit more in control.

"If anything it's a credit to you for staying so cool and calm."

Agree 100% with this.

I think you sound like me, ponygirl, in the way you deal with things. I find in the midst of something the adrenaline kicks in and I just get on with it. I've had people say to me afterwards "wow, you were so calm and didn't panic at all". What they don't realise is that the second I'm out of that situation and I no longer need to be the "calm, assured one" I go absolutely to pieces. I spend days rehashing the situation over and over again to see if I could have done it better or prevented something. I find it very hard to let it go.

On the whole if it was a choice of personality between: calm during, panicked after OR panicked during, easy to forget after ... I'd rather the former than the latter, no matter how emotionally distressing it can be.

Exactly GeorginaA! When ds2 was crying afterwards, dh took him downstairs for a drink and I sat on the stairs shaking, then lectured ds1 and dd about playing on/near the stairs (again!) then had to have a bit of a cry in the bathroom. But I agree, I'd definitely rather be calm during and fall apart after. If it was the other way round, God knows what would have happened to ds2.

Oh my goodness- how terrifying ponygirl and agree with Georgina A that you did brilliantly. Rhuby's 1st aider idea sounds good too. Just wanted to send lots of sympathy, really.

You poor thing but as others have said, well done for doing the right thing. I think we all have mummy anxiety and an incident and in your case, an image now to focus on can just make it worse. But, ds2 is fine and his mum did exactly the right thing for us. Until we start growing eyes in the back of our heads or have houses full of cooks, cleaners, butlers etc we just have to know that we can't watch them every second of the day and that our best is good enough.

Another vote here for lots of treats at the weekend

ponygirl,what a horrid scary experience.
Thank God you were on hand.
It's true,life does turn on a knife edge.
Maybe these things do happen to remind us of that???

If I were you,I would 'allow' myself to freak out about it for a set amount of time,then force myself to put it away,metaphorically speaking.
First aid course would be a great idea. I am a born worrier and although God willing I will never need it,a first aid course has really helped me feel more in control.

You were there and he is alright.

It's all that matters.

XXX

Echo what moondog says exactly. My DS had a fit on Christmas Day the year before last. After fitting he was blue, not breathing, completely lifeless and not responding. I was hysterical at the time then in a state of shock afterwards. I went on a first aid course aimed at under 8's. I felt reassured that should he stop breathing again I would be able to deal with it instead of flapping like a mad woman.

It will take you a while to calm down from the shock of this but the horrifying memory will fade. (although I still well up when I tell anyone what happened to DS to this day!).

It's shock you're going thru, don't fight it, it's normal and par for the course for Mums. What a horrible experience and you deserve much sympathy and support. We had a horrible fright recently, my kids seem fine about it but I relive it every night in my head. We'll get used to it!! Lots of love.

My friends ds holds his breath when he hurts himself badly can be quite alarming when he starts going blue then eventually he starts to cry. She asked her hv about it coz was worried one day he would hold it too long. She said that if he was to pass out he would automatically start breathing again. She said was common thing to happen. Maybe that was what had happened

Thanks for all your posts everyone. They really do mean a lot and are helping me get some perspective. As dolally suggest, I think I need to let it run its course, and then hopefully aI can put it away. Thanks a lot.