Sad and Angry - or am I overeacting?

[Carla]

DH is 27 years my senior which, althought no the norm, works for us.

DD1 has started her second term at school and since she learnt to ride her bike during the hols has been cycling her to school in the mornings. I pick up DD2 from nursery in the car and then pick up DD1 in the car.

This morning DH returns and says 'Some woman just made me b....y angry.

As DH was locking up DD1's bike, the conversation went like this:

A Mother:Is that your daughter or your granddaughter?

DH: My daughter

A Mother: Is your wife much younger than you?

DH: Yes

A Mother: Don't you think a child has a right to a father when they're in their twenties?

DH: I'ts none of your damn business.

I'm absolutely seething! I think it's bad enough to think that way, let alone say it and in front of a five year old. We've only been at the school just over a term and unfortunately neither I or DH know who the woman is. I don't even know what she looks like.

What does anyone think?

I agree, doesn't this woman think her own child has a right to a mother who can demonstrate good manners?
This is a shocking opinion to hold, let alone voice. My father had me, his first child, in his mid 40's and could not have been a better father. IMO he made a much better father at that age than he would have made at 20. He is still a fantastic father to me now - and I am in my mid 30s.
Clearly she feels inadequate about her own parenting abilities, by the sounds of it with some reason...

Carla, why don't you run her over next time you see her? Sounds like the world would be a better place without her. Silly cow!

Blimey, I didn't realise I was sooooo inconsiderate, having given birth to ds when I was 38, and dh was 36.

That woman was unspeakably rude. People often ask me if I'm ds's grandma (I'm only 42), but usually respond reasonably when I say I'm not.

If I'd been able to speak at all in response to this woman, I think I'd have said
'What gives you the right to judge everyone else's life? Now, s?d off and leave us happy people alone.'

I know that's rude too, but perhaps she'd have unmderstood it.

Carla, Of course you have a right to be angry, but sadly those of us who do not fit the norm as defined by some fantasy in an Oven Chip advert, or come straight out of the pages of a 1950's home and children manual, will occasionally come up against this kind of nonsense. I had my ds at 43, which has only attracted one outrageous comment (that I know of!), but the fact that he wears a splint and a shoe lift, and has spent some time in plaster after surgery has attracted the thoughtless ravings of many a busybody...and some more well meaning thoughtlessness too. I have found it useful to dream up a number of responses in advance, especially to challenge anything likely to give ds a negative view of himself. So keep the ideas coming MN-ers, it's therapeutic, too!

Carla,,she sounds like a total COW, who the hell does she think she is anyway! My dp is 17 years older than me and i am wondering if it will be an issue at school!!!!But i mean the kids if a parent should speak to me like that well.......i'll have to think of a witty reply now as she goes in a year Honest, as long as you're happy, SOD HER!

Oh God, I suppose I've got all this to look forward to being 43 with a 6 month old baby (and no other kids between baby and son who is now 8).
What a cow this woman does sound. She's probably got a miserable marriage and likes to look for things "wrong" in other people's lives. SAAAAAD!

Carla, I agree with Countess, she should be run over and put out of her misery. On a more serious note, she clearly has abandonment issues and I would not be surprised if she lost her own father when she was very young. She is probably still pissed off at being abandoned which gives her the license to make blazonly bold and rude remarks to strangers. She is a man-hater for sure, burn some sage in the house and clear out the bad feelings. Hopefully your DD age 5 did not really understand what this women was saying (no doubt she felt the anger). Reassure them both that you adore them and celebrate your family.

Thanks so much to all of you. I really did feel guilty this morning that I was a bad parent for DH being an older father, but knew he was certainly a better dad to them than mine was to me.

I wish he'd told her he was the one who taught her to ride a bike, takes her to the park every day after school etc. etc., but he's not the sort of person to get involved in any sort of argument (I may be the exception!)

Angeliz, you don't have to worry. My children are now 3 and 5 and have never been taunted by having an older father, they are charmingly unaware of any sense of age - if only the parents could excercise the same tolerance!

M2T and Boe - one day I'll find her In fact, I'll look out for the one with no nose and tongue at the school pick- up tomorrow!

Thanks everyone

What a rude cow!, so what is the right age to have children. This is outrageous we get people who have children at a young age like myself and DW(we were only 18 when 1st son was born) this age group get slandered for it then we have people who wait to have them, waiting so things like mortages are paid & living their life too the max until the children or consertrating on their job.

I wonder how old this women was herself, and what kind of bad ground she's from. She's proberly a stuck up cow who thinks shes god!

Am speechless Carla ... how disgusting that you poor DH should have had to put up with that!
The only thing for her is the old "Tits in a Mangle" treatment I am afraid!

Why do people feel they have a right to comment on your "personal" family situations anyway?
Countless women have asked me if twins run in my family or are after fertility treatment, is that really anybodys business?? Or am I over sensitive?

Sounds to me like it's time to get that brick out again.

Rude cow. It's so frustrating though isn't it? Extra hug in order for dh, he's just being a good dad and he gets abuse.

Tell DH not to waste a second agonising over what this excuse of a woman said to him - if he lets it bother him she has won...and frankly she is not fit to lick the mud off his shoes.

How rude! I am speechless...

Carla, I'm 41 and dh is 54. We also live in Oxford. Maybe dh should wander the streets with dd, hoping to ensnare the evil woman and then run her down with the pushchair. Alternatively, he could tell her that we will help the baby understand the past better! My mother was 39 when I was born and her mother was 44 when she was born. I'm proud of my Victorian grandmother.

Hell's teeth! What a moo. You will be able to spot this woman easily though - she'll be the one standing on her own with no-one to talk to.
(soothepoo, age 44, dh age 55 and dd age 3).

soothepoo and oldiemum - respect.

Carla: I think if someone you don't know asks an intrusively personal question, like 'are you the father or the grandfather?' you should feel entitled to reply: 'why do you need to know?'

What a cretinous, bananaheaded, impolite fool she does sound, Carla. Down with her!

sunchowder- how do you burn sage and when is it indicated? Sounds like fun! Could I get my boys to burn it after an argument?

soothepoo, are you Cornish or am I mistaken in thinking hell's teeth is a Cornish expression?

Where do people get the nerve from to ask complete strangers personal questions? And then to comment negatively on the answer? I must have been brought up very differently from that ridiculous woman, Carla, as I simply wouldn't have the gall (or bad manners) to interrogate other people. Oxford does have its fair share of nutters floating around though, I did my degree at the Poly late 70's-early 80's and had a particularly fetching very spiky very blonde very short punky haircut at the time and used to ride a bicycle everywhere. I remember a man, only a few years older than me, stepping off the pavement without looking so that I had to screech to a halt and nearly fell off my bike. When I suggested that he look before stepping into the road, he replied "Well you're obviously a feminist lesbian" (?) Even if I was what had that to do with his lack of road sense?

WWW, no I'm not Cornish. I thought the expression was a Northumbrian one, as it's something my father says, and he's a Geordie, as am I. I've never heard anyone else say it, apart from dd .

How rude of her! I can't believe someone would do that. She is obviuosly a very iggnorant sad person.

You are so not over-reacting. I think that's an outrageous view. My uncle is 63 if not a bit older and has just had another baby with his much younger wife. He's the most atttentive and loving, hands-on father, isn't that what really matters.

Soothepoo - all my Cornish relatives use it so I wondered. Maybe it's just slightly obscure and not from any region in particular, bet it sounds funny on your dd