Would you tell your child to ignore another child if you didn't like the mum?

[rickman]

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

no, I wouldnt. but people have done it to my dd, and even to another family who is friendly with us.

ah well, youve got the moral high ground anyway rickman!

Message withdrawn

Don't know what else you could do though rickman? They'd only be confused if you hadn't explained.

Poor you! What a mess.

I have a similar-ish situation, in that someone I was best mates with for ages just stopped responding to invitations etc etc. I never found out what was up, and after a while, I gave up on trying.

Our eldest kids go to the same school, and we do still speak to each other, we just don't hang out, IYSWIM. Any grievance I have with her (not much of a grievance, really) isn't with her kids.

Absolutely not ever, that's horrid. But I do encourage her to be friends with the children I like from her class. Note children - not children of parents.

This is so weird, Rickman. I could understand her 'fading' a bit if it was the 'deserving cause' explanation, but such outright hostile avoidance?
it is almost as if someone has told her some competely damning gosip about you.

Do you think this could have happened?

Message withdrawn

your poor dd. That is outrageous behaviour You're definitely better off without her

I don't mean TRUE damning gossip, of course!

Could she erroneously imagine that you are responsible for anything that has happened to her?

Message withdrawn

she is a strange lady.

what an absolutly disgusting attitude she has. Any problem you have with a person should never interfere with their inocent child.

well... actually I have told my ds not to get into big conversations with an old friend if they happen to bump into each other.And that is because I don't get on with the mother. If ds said 'hello' to his old friend, fair enough, no harm in being polite. But no more than that. As it happens he doesn't seem to want anything to do with the friend, hardly ever bumps into them, so it's easy.

But this is an extreme situation, and the only time I have ever fallen out with any parent/friend in the 11 years I have had children. And this was a falling out over something potentially very serious, and I would not want that person back in my life, or my son's life ever again. I am not being wierd about it, I hope. I just don't want to give her the least excuse for a conversation with me. I am just being very cautious.

I remember you talking about your friend, rickman. I think she is wierd - not you.

Message withdrawn

Could you not get your friend to do a little investigating? The ex friend might open up to someone else where she would just blank you.

It's a horrible situation. Do you think that she might be having marital problems herself and she sees you as a threat as a single, available female? Some women are like that.

Message withdrawn

Im not good with these circumstances but if you friend doesnt mind being stuck in the middle and can approach this woman on an unbiased basis (IYSWIM - this woman wont open up if she thinks your friend has an agenda).

She could find out what it is you are supposed to have done, remind her that she was there for a special moment in yours and your DS's life and see how it goes.

If that doesnt work i there really isnt anything else you can do.

Ok - ive just read your other thread.

It hurts so much more because your children are embroiled in this, particularly your DS. I suspect you wouldnt have been so persistent to resolve this otherwise. I think you have done more than enough to try and resolve things but with so much time having past and her attitude not changing i really think its time to let go and leave her to it.

On your other thread you said she responded by saying "Glad you said that, thanks for letting me know" etc etc.

That is a response that ive heard from someone who has taken some wierd moral high ground, got the hump, and because of their weird moral high ground wont blank you but has to say something irrelevant but non confrontational. Because these people HATE confrontation and being unable to be confrontational and cannot cope with any forms of such tend to respond this way IME.

Ive had this - although it was a work colleague id done a huuuuuuuuuuuge favour for.

I remember your original thread rickman - can't believe this is still going on. How horrible for you.

Do other people perceive her as a bit strange or is she only like this with you? I agree, if you can see years of contact ahead of you like this, it'll be really un-comfortable.

I'd have to get to the bottom of it though for my own peace of mind. I hate confrontation, but if she's like this anyway you've not got much to lose by pushing for an answer.

Do let us know if you find out - I'm intrigued now! Sounds like she may have hugely misinterpreted something and has never given you the chance to explain. It's a cruel way to be treated though.

If you friend doesn't mind being potentially in the firing line, it might work. At the very least it will show up the ex friend for the odd person that she is and at best you might get to the bottom of the whole issue.

Whatever her problem with you is, it's not right to involve the children.

And, as for being a threat, don't forget, I've seen you and (children aside ) you could be a very great threat to someone who is insecure in their relationship.

Message withdrawn

That's interesting QV. Do you mean sort of 'passive aggressive'? I hate that sort of jargon, but it seems to fit the woman rickman knows.

Hey, you don't suppose her dp/dh has said you are attractive perhaps? She may not be able to express her thoughts on that to you, but it might explain her hostility.

Message withdrawn

Hi Rickman,just seen this thread and your last post.

I fell out with someone who I was very close to. I think there was more to the falling out than I was aware of but she refused to talk about it as she said 'we weren't in the playground anymore'. I personally found not talking about it and turning your back on a friendship with no discussion more childish than discussing it like adults, but there you go.

Anyway, a mutual friend to me and this girl then stopped talking to me too. She was closer to the other girl sure but we were very close and very much had our own friendship. Again no discussion.

I realised these girls were never, ever the friends I had perceived them to be and in many ways was pleased that I was free of obvioulsy fake friendships and they were not important etc, BUT, the fact that I never quite knew what happened, what had gone on, what had been said etc, I found this very difficult to get closure on and found myslef thinking about things and going over stuff etc in my head, when I didn't want to be doing that.

I've gotton over that now and these girls have now started to be semi friendly when we bump into each other. I'm not interested in their friendship or what it was I was supposed to have done anymore, but it took me a while to get there, but I'm there and it's a nice place to be now.

Just wanted to share that with you and wish you the best.
TC xx