Neglected pet - oh the guilt (Anyone else?)

[AussieSim]

I've had my cat Monte for 15 years. Poor thing has been dragged around every move and has been a trooper and fantastic company. I brought her with me here to Germany even though it cost a motza (is that an Aussie expression?). But since I fell pregant June 2002, the poor thing has hardly had any affection from me (though she certainly gets fed etc), as I wanted to be absolutely sure that ds wasn't affected. Then I brought ds home and didn't want to share my hands between the two of them and be washing them every 5 minutes (they were dry enough after 2 weeks in hospital being washed with alcohol before and after ever feed/change). Monte noticed the difference and went missing for 4 days.

Now she is getting older though her health is starting to go down hill and I have been guilty of delaying trips to the vets for the reluctance to take ds with us. The icing on the cake was that she got badly beaten up by a big nasty Tom cat this week at 3am in the morning (so unfair a it was right in front of our front door) and she went into shock and looked in a pretty bad way, but I still didn't want to get ds out of bed to take her to the vet in the middle of the night (home alone). I called dh - poor bugger - and he managed to talk the vet into coming to the house by exagerrating the extent of injuries, but the next morning I had to take her to the surgery and again on Monday.

The poor thing has gone from 5kg to 3.35kg. Whenever dh complains about her I remind him that I have had a relationship with her longer than him, but ds absolutely comes first with me and the poor old thing is really suffering. She still loves me and follows me about the house sitting down nearby wherever I am. The next big shock for her is going to be when ds starts crawling, which I expect in the next couple of weeks. Has anyone else been through this? Any advice or ideas would be great.

I bin there only not a cat, a dog. He used to come up for a fuss but wen ds1 came along I didn't want to mix the 2. Dog was fed, watered and walked that was it. Ds2 arrived and dog started to sulk, hiding in corners. He had an ear infection and I was told off by vet for leaving him so long untreated. His suggestion was to make 'special time' for dog. After boys were in bed make time for dog, show him affection etc. Then wash hands before you go to bed, then if you need to get baby up your hands are clean. We now have ds3 and a much happier dog. If it didn't sound so ridiculous I would say he looks forward to his special time. He has a good relationship with the older 2 boys, 81/2yo and 3yo, and is protective of ds3 always watching if someone else has him and tells me if he is crying. I don't see why it could work with a cat, Aussiesim.

Seems to be three threads exactly the same here!!

oops, I think that hitting the refresh button caused it to re-post. I just thought it would let me see if anyone had responded. (Sometimes I think that my brain cells are coming out with my breast milk - I wonder it that is another thread).

Special time is a good idea - if I could only drag myself off mumsnet ....

How much should I be worried about ds touching cat, or cats fur do you think? Is there an age when it becomes not such a big problem?

hi, i hope your cat is feeling better! I have the same thing. i've had a dog for 4 years and a daughter for 2 and often feel he is neglected. We booked our first holiday a few weeks ago and the day before his ears swelled to about 4 times the size..emergency vets and then had to take him to vets in morning before we left....i felt guilty for going and leaving him in so much pain but he's fine now! I try to go to big pet stores the odd time and get dd to pick out a pressie for him and give him a little tlc at night!!!!

I always feel guilty about our lovely dog since dd was born a year ago. She is a hound so always looks a bit sad anyway, but she had taken to standing with her head down staring up at me like a suicidal Eeyore because she wanted all the attention again (I'm sure that's not true but it's how I see it!)

We do give her lots of cuddles and attention and I make people who come over a lot make a big fuss of her before picking up dd.

It's a bit like having a first child when the second comes along really. Oh, and she hates it now dd is crawling as she can never get any peace. Am thinking of converting play pen into her space so she can get some privacy without having ears etc pulled.

Oh this is soo familiar - have also had cat for 15 years, and for the last 5 (since dd1) she has been very neglected. Again, she gets fed, watered etc, but she really wants cuddling and stroking, and just doesn't get it. When the 3 children are in bed in the evening, I feel all cuddled out, and just don't want another small thing demanding affection. When I was pregnant and soon after ds was born (5 months ago) I didn't even want to touch her, and didn't brush her. Her coat got very full of mats of fur, some of which I still haven't managed remove. Oh the guilt! As if there isn't enough guilt involved in being a mother!

talking Tree i know just what you mean about "cuddled out". When i put my dd to bed then have poor dog following me i just think AGHHHHH! and he looks so sad!!!Bless

Briefly, our cat doesn't get a look-in at all now. I do feel guilty, but have developed an active distaste for close proximity to all animals since having children. It is quite extreme. I often wonder if it will disappear as suddenly as it begain when the boys have left home, or if I've got it for life.

I posted about my poor neglected parrot a while back. I've had him for 15 years and we've been through thick and thin together, but since having dd things have changed. He is terribly jealous of her and will try to bite her at every opportunity (he succeeded once whilst she was trying to give him a nut). He seems to have gone into one big sulk since she was born and no longer wants to stay in the living room with us, so he spends most of his time on his own in the dining room. Now that I have no.2 coming along I am worried about him. I have thought that he might be better getting rehomed with an older couple who don't have children, as he is definitely getting neglected here. This will break my heart but it seems the kindest thing to do. However the RSPCA never seem to return my calls, and I don't know of anyone in my local area who would do. I keep meaning to put an ad in the paper, but I would have to be so careful about who he goes to. I would much prefer to get to know them first, or have them recommended. And they must live locally as I will need reassuring that he is getting properly looked after!

Hope you manage to resolve the situation with your cat, you do have my deepest sympathies, it's an awful situation to be in!

My cat was a bit neglected when ds came along, but to be honest now that ds is older they are the best of friends, and I no longer get a look in. Cat loves ds best, and ds loves cat. Mother is just the person who supplies the food.

i wouldn't worry too much about baby touching the cat - it would surprise me if the cat would tolerate it anyway, but as long as you keep the cat flea and worm free then I wouldn't get obsessive about it. It might be worth trying to limit it for as long as baby puts things in his mouth, but when he no longer does that then so long as his hands are clean when he eats I don't think he is likely to come to much harm.

Oh blimey - I haven't got a pet but was thinking of getting a dog. Will definitely defer this decision now.

After our little crisis I am trying not to be so paranoid about patting Monte and giving her some special time in the evening. I went to the vets again today and they are tickled that she has started putting weight on and say I've got nothing to worry about. She recovered very fast from the fight - the antibiotics really work fast. She caught herself a field mouse yesterday.

Lilysmum, please don't let us put you off. Having pets is a very enriching experience for the whole family.

Rhubarb, are you in oz? My mum is on the Central Coast and is made animal lover (cat, dog, aviary - budgie breeder), frequent pelican rescuer (damn fish hooks), and had a rosella for many many years. She might be interested - contact me if you want to investigate.