Ex rant

[jacqueline1]

I know it's not productive and I know I should rise above this but something my ex said last night has really wound me up and I just need to get it off my chest. This is a long one but please forgive me!

We split up 11 weeks ago and ds and me moved to Nottinghamshire to live with my mum. Ex is still in the north east and has regular contact with our son. He phones every night and speaks to him before he goes to bed and ds has a very long 4-5 night stay every other weekend. The living arangements are something else as ex and ds stay with ex's parents for the duration but I'm wavering off the point now. Sorry.

Last night ex asked me if I'd sorted out anywhere to live and where was I looking. (Just for the record, mum, ds and me are happy living together and could do so for a long while yet!) I said not yet and somewhere in the same town as mum. He replied that I'd need a banjo and I asked him to elaborate. He then said, and I quote 'When you drive into the place you can hear the banjos playing. Most people's eyes are too close together too' and then 'The whole area has a gene pool of about 5. DS is incredibly lucky to have been born in Durham'. I replied saying that 'As my nan would say, being a Nottinghamshire girl herself, if you can't think of anything nice to say then keep it to yourself. I can think of a lot of failings and quirks of the north east but I don't air them. Have the courtesy to do the same'.

I've kept friendly contact with ex for the sake our son, mainly through text messages and the wonders of modern technology. I now think it might be time to back off. Those comments were way over the line and if he thinks that badly of me, my family and where I live then maybe he shouldn't come down here as often as he does.

Any thoughts??

Very immature, unnecessary and inflammatory comment from him, and quite frankly, it's too daft to dignify with a response. Don't let it wind you up. You have far more important and positive things to focus on. As far as you can, I'd ignore it and get on with building your new life.

I think you might be making more of this than necessary. It was a silly joke, probably made when he was feeling frustrated and a bit fed up.

He's said it before and I've just replied 'whatever you say dear' and not risen to the bait, but he does mean it. He thinks picking your own fruit and making your own food is backwards. He doesn't see the point of involving ds in cooking or anything like that because he thinks he's too young, totally ignoring the fact that when we, say, make a pizza from scratch, I chop up the fresh vegetables and ds sprinkles them on and gets a lot of satisfaction from doing so. And when it comes out of the oven he also gets a lot of satisfaction from eating it and telling people in his very cute babble talk that he made it!

I am not a clampet because I make my own soup etc or because I took ds strawberry picking in the summer and he came away with a big red smile round his mouth. That's what you do when you go picking strawberries for God's sake!

We are so chalk and cheese that I sometimes don't remember why we got together, but like you said, Earlybird, I can get on with rebuilding a life for me and ds and I don't have to put up with him any more.

Sorry for ranting.

I come from Nottingham and that is a shocking thing for him to ahve said

I really don't know what his problem is with Nottinghamshire/North Derbyshire/South Yorkshire (I'm a hybrid of them all!) He started off thinking of me as a kind of country bumpkin in an affectionate way but it gradually turned into downright vitriol as time went on, mostly from when I moved up to Durham and we had to travel back 'down south' every 6 weeks or so to see my family.

I realise I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill and coming across as some kind of whining banshee but what he said last night hurt particularly as my family have always gone out of their way to make him feel welcome!

But it's not about you at all, it's about him! It's so silly it's not worth a moment of your emotional energy.

He sounds a bit dim to me.

Ignore.

If he says it again tell him he's displaying his ignorance and you don't care what he thinks you can live where you like.

Refuse to discuss the suject with him any further.

His comments were stupid but I don't see that they're any reason for not allowing him to continue seeing your son regularly, if that's what you mean when you say that you think he shouldn't come down as often as he does.

Your response to him was calm and dignified without raising to the bait, which was the best way to handle it, but I don't think there's any point dwelling on it, and it's certainly not enough to justify limiting his access.

Or you could really wind him up and say that now you and ds are living there with your family, you just know ds will be influenced to become a product of his surroundings, so will be just like everyone else there!

Probably not a good idea......